This PMS thing is quite new to me 
It tends to distort reality 
For over a week I lose control of 
the little sanity I had a hold of 
Back years ago before 
such symptoms were realized 
Women having PMS were 
institutionalized 
One week a month I could easily commit 
a murder without just cause 
I imagine I'll be behind bars 
by the time I reach menopause

The children are finally sleeping 
Though I’m the one who’s tired 
In post chaotic quiet darkness 
I stand alone and uninspired 

An already too small house closes in 
My sighs echo off the walls 
The ache in my feet and the knot in back 
Make me wonder if it’s worth it all 

In a last minute gesture 
I gaze at the sky 
Saying ‘thanks’ to God 
Though I’m not sure why 

I turn to go to bed 
Feeling sorry for myself 
And I happen to see the clay snowman 
My daughter made me, on the shelf 

Its distorted face was smiling 
Toothpick arms waved a spastic ‘hello’ 
Body parts all out of proportion 
It hardly looked like snow 

But it was so adorable 
That tiny blob of clay 
I couldn’t help but smile 
Feeling better about the day 

Suddenly a thousand thoughts 
Flood into my mind 
Demanding to be thought of 
All at the same time 

Memories of sunrises and sets 
Echoes of laughter and tears 
The everyday process of learning 
Courage, love, and the conquering of fears 

My heart insists that I believe 
I’m forced to think by my brain’s demand 
It took a little clay snowman on a shelf 
And a prayer to God to understand 

The walls echo once again 
With the sound of my sigh 
But this time it’s because 
I’m so happy to be alive 

I crawl into bed, and say a prayer 
But this time I mean it 
And think of the clay snowman 
So happy I’ve seen it

I've tried to be creative 
staring holes into these pages 
Trying to leave you with something 
to remember me by 

Something witty, profound, and cute 
but at this time the point is mute 
'Cause right now all I can manage 
is to drink this beer and cry 

Perhaps it's chance, just life, or fate 
But people are slipping away from me at an alarming rate 
People who have made a tremendous impact 
on my heart and mind 

People who have filled my soul 
With new self-awareness and it's afterglow 
People who changed me 
for the rest of time 

How do you make someone comprehend 
that you're much better off just by knowing them 
And the lessons of life they brought you 
have not been in vain 

And how do you let them say good bye 
without trying to make them understand why 
their departure from your life 
will naturally cause some pain 

I know I'm theatrically overactive 
but I also know what the fact is 
you have made me think and feel 
You've made me understand 'respect' 

By example you've educated 
With compassion you've tolerated 
Now that it's time for you to go 
I cannot help but to reflect 

All that you have done for my heart and mind ... 
is more than I'm sure you'd care to hear 
you would think it's all quite scary 
but something wonderful has happened here... 

It is, in fact, just a business 
which has nothing to do with life 
real life 
my life 
It does, in fact, pay the rent 
and put shoes on my children's feet 
But then there comes a time 
you reach a point - 
one of many in a lifetime- 
where honesty and peace of mind 
must some how, some way 
mean something 
if not everything 
and the schoolyard games 
and petty ways 
and the distant corporation's competitions 
that filter down around our feet 
must take a back seat 
to something deep inside. 
It is, in fact, just a thought 
that keeps us separate or 
pulls us in 
and I haven't seen too many 
price tags lately 
I'd be willing to pay for 
with what little energy I have left. 
 

I'm torn in half over most things 
decisions don't grow on trees 
and if they did I'd wonder 
if I'd pick them or I'd pick these 
People say I contradict 
I agree and say "that's so!!" 
Then I think a minute 
rephrase, and answer "no..." 
I fear I have a mental block 
my mind gears are caught in neutral 
When it comes to making up my mind 
the attempt is all quite futile 
People say I'm wishy washy 
other say I'm used 
some say I'm just stupid 
I say i'm just confused!!! 
So in the future I intend 
to make firm decisions on the spot 
with that resolution I end this poem!! 
(or maybe ... perhaps not!)
 

It’s been a very hard winter
And it’s only just the start
I just stubbed my toe on a chair
And I feel an ache in my heart

I have and had dreams
I lose them and I hide them
I always make sure I put them
Where I can never find them

I think and I thought
They were just what I needed
It made me feel good to be so close

But what you think you want
And what you think you need
Is not necessarily the opinion of most

I can hurt and suffer
Along with the best of them
And I can ride the waves of change
On the top crest with them

And I’ll land on my feet
But I know I’ll come out limping
It was losing battle
Right from the beginning
It was nice for a while
Warm and very thrilling
But you can only put in so much dirt
In a hole that needed filling

ain't got it
never had it
to give away
all of these days
it's been a meaningless experience
a patronized pilgrimage
and now it's over
and now it's gone
such a sad sad song
to be singing
when I kicked you off your pedestal
I fell quite hard
you seemed to hover in thin air
why are you weightless
when I'm way down here
all the circles I've been running 'round you
have just left a moat
and I can't swim
let alone float
so I'm drowning now
it's been quite nice
should have know better
to walk on thin ice

Can't write you in as a gallant here
in any romance book
'cause the only book I ever write in pays the bills
and I can't offer you those thrills
or those adventures
without feelings of remorse and pain from within
so you go get it where it is
and I'll be here when you get back
and I'll act like nothing ever happened
I'm just a trampoline
for all of those who know me
and my skin is still tight
after all these years
So if you must project yourself for flight
off of something sturdy
I'll stand quite still
so your aim is good
but just let it be known
sometimes it just ain't so....

It's just one of those days
in a month of those days
and the feeling that you are feeling
intensifies and stays
You find your head is hurting and
your shoulders feel tight
you're not in the mood for coping
you're in the mood to fight
You wonder how you tolerate
you wonder why you must
There's nothing there to lean on
and even less to trust
You start to question things
you thought you never would
there are few things lately
that even sound good
As the 'good humor' man
you've run out of stock
you've not enough loaves
to feed the whole flock
and there's not enough wine
to drown them all
there's never any privacy
behind your wall
You wonder why you keep it
you wonder why you took it
You'll never take another
before you've shook it

I only gagged once when I finally noticed
the dog hair on my glass
and for a moment I pondered my life
but the intensity was hard to pass

After all, I am the one
who wanted all these dogs
and how many lonely mother's can claim
they get fiber with their grog?

And if i ever 'wasn't'
It is surely tonight
Nothing is Mine
Nothing is Right

Too old and too late
I'm probably half way through
I'm still going in circles
on what to do

And tonight I'm no one
with self pity and a beer
Nothing feels warm
Nothing's held dear

If it weren't for the conflict
and the thinking, I'd be fine
So why do I feel jealous that
the hair on the glass wasn't mine?

As I lay on the floor in the midst of the dog hair
The Fisher Price people dig a hole in my back
and I stare at the ceiling as if looking for God
but I can only see several spiders staring back

If I were a good woman
I would sweep and dust
make cookies for the Cub Scouts
worry and fuss

But I'm not a good woman
it is plain to see
if not to the public
then clear to me

I know I'm going no where
and going there fast
watching all the spiders as they crawl on past
 

To Them All
by Sandra Lynn

If it makes you happy to criticize
If it makes you happy to analyze
If it makes you happy to decide
What I've done wrong in my life
If it makes you a better person in God's eyes...

then be my guest  
 

We all crave 
Recognition; adoration 
something we have done 
MUST deserve public validation 
We wish by spreading out our arms 
we could heal and inspire 
With a holy glow about us 
Fulfilling needs and desires 
But the reality of it is 
The best that we will ever do 
Is be happy with ourselves 
and if lucky, touch a heart or two 

People let it go 
Because it hurts 
People give it up 
Because it’s work 
People throw it out 
Because it’s old 
Many people want it 
But their needs go untold 
People deny it 
it causes stress 
people hide it 
never to confess 
people miss it 
too blind to see 
people leave it 
because it isn’t free

God! Don’t it make my gut hurt
Duh! Don’t I feel so dumb
My! Shouldn’t I feel self pity
Make a fool out of myself in front of everyone

Sigh! Life can be so exhausting
I wonder when I will be forgiven
It seems he’d write it off eventually
Just now, I know I’ll never be trusted
And he’ll always doubt my sanity

I think ...
I wish ...
That I were pretty.
Maybe it would be easier for him

to forgive someone
He wanted to look in the eye.

High School Biology
By Sandra Lynn

I love cats above all furry creatures on earth 
although otters come close 
and squirrels nearly first! 
But kittens and cats can capture my heart! 
Yet, in Biology Lab we tore them apart!!!! 
We analyzed muscles and glands that secrete. 
We dissected the liver and de-clawed the feet 
we studied anatomy via the cat 
and as long as I live I’ll feel guilty for that! 
I love furry creatures like cats the ‘me-ew’ – 
I cannot believe I cut one in two!!!

and even after the revelation
it remained -
parental to personal scowl
suddenly I wanted out
feeling trapped here
but free, where would I go?
Shook the 8 Ball at K-Mart tonight
got a positive answer to a burning question
So, for .7 seconds I could smile and sigh with relief
and feel complete
I didn't buy the 8 Ball, so all my contentment got left behind
on a shelf upside down
Couldn't listen to the stereo due to
kids and vital reruns, so I
rearranged the CD's in the order of the names
then again in the order of their influence
then again in no order at all
guess sometimes touching music
is the next best thing
Laughed at the subliminal
when I put Blind Melon with Jeff Healey
Admired all the artwork on the covers
comprehending all the hours and debating
gone into each and every one
Kids are sleeping now
my little six pack Cherubs
and I wonder sometimes how much jail time I'd get
if I just stepped outside five minutes
in search of falling stars
and myself

the house is quiet
the kids are sleeping
here i sit
alone and thinking

how wonderful it'd be
if you were here with me

no one could comprehend
how much i miss you
the way that you look at me
when we are one...
i feel like i'm falling
every time i kiss you
i feel like i've known you
since we were young

A Birthday Poem for Mom
By Sandra Lynn

Always seems like I'm all too busy
coming and going
Working for the money
I'll always be owing
Then at night I'm too tired
no more fuel for my fires

Our lives pass us at an alarming rate of speed
Sometimes we don't let the ones we love know what we need

Their love
Their affection
Their hearts
Their attention

I say my prayers before I sleep
The thoughts turn inside my head
There are so many things I should have done
There are so many things I should have said

So I'll say it now
While we both have a minute
I'll share my heart
And the love that' in it

To thank you for life
to thank you for years
of worrying for me
with your hopes, dreams and fears
for teaching me
and forgiving me
and loving me
and accepting me
and being there

Iit doesn't matter
how crazy this life gets
There are moments and people
one can't forget

At times the love you have for me
is all that got me through
I often wonder if I've ever
done just that for you?

I wonder if you'll ever know
the love for you in my very soul

Save Yourself the Effort
by Sandra Lynn

For the rest of my life
I'm gonna dial your phone
Answering machine endings to all the shows
That you like to watch when you're alone

I'm three hours ahead of the
things being said
I'll disillusion the conclusions
you've draw inside of your head

Spoil the endings
Ruin the plot
So much for revenge, but
it's all I got

You hide your closet desires
so they remain intact
You just say the words they want to hear
so you already know how they'll react

I lost faith a long time ago and
I wonder if you think you really ever had it
When life itself goes streaming by
and you can't see the forest for the trees to grab it

I Tried
By Sandra Lynn

And I told you
I just told you

My nerves are wearing thin

And I would fight the fact
But I know for a fact
That I would never win

And I would grant you ...
and give you ...

but I have nothing left to give

And I told you
And I heard you
This is no way to live

But here we are
What does it matter
There is no reason
No turning back
And here we are
for that matter
in position for attack

And I told you
I just told you ...

All I had to say

What does it matter
What is the difference

There is nothing left, anyway

Be Careful (Bumbles Bounce)
By Sandra Lynn

"Be Careful! ..." is all I ever hear
from myself after dreaming of you near

Everyday there is you and that fine line
But I've already fallen, dear love of mine

Forever if we should chance to meet
I will melt and fall down at your feet
The damage is done in such little time
I've already fallen, dear love of mine

Miles upon miles yet I can still feel you burn
I could not have prepared for this
from any of life's lessons learned

There were no warning labels
There were no 'CAUTION' signs
I've already fallen sweet love of mine

I search for the guilt yet I cannot find the crime
Of already falling dear love of mine

I feel that you're scared just from the print
It's gotten quite scary - Hasn't it?

My head is reeling my heart is lonely
I stare out the window at night thinking "if only ..."

What the hell happened to bring me to this?
When I've not know your love - your touch - your kiss

I will be careful one word from you
and I will stand tot he side keep it innocent, but
I will not lie that I've allowed myself to
let you stroke my heart - let me 'fly'
touch my mind - make me cry
give me hope - give me songs
and even if it was there all along ...
two worlds collided - electronically
could you ever know what you've meant to me?

No man I've ever observed would take the blame
for any problems that could arise
for being the cause for any such shame
and I was never strong enough
to admit what I was needing
so masses of humanity
stumble through life, hearts bleeding

for you, perhaps several lovers from now
will you think of me before turning out the light?
For me, miles and miles away
I'll be clutching my pillow in the night
doing all the things that are accepted as proper and 'right'
I will put Joan Of Arc to shame
denying myself and the heat from this 'flame'
holding on to a vision without any name

in the big picture of things this incident is a small one
Yet the damage is done, love - for I've already fallen