January 2, 2011 - Happy 2011! 

I was awake at 3:30 this morning, and decided to stay up for now.  I wanted some alone/quiet time.  Oh, I will nap, trust me.  I do that best.  I am an excellent napper.  However, going back to bed just didn't seem right as I slept a lot yesterday.  I have brewed a pot of coffee and am sipping on it in a contented fashion.  The "kids" (formerly known as dogs and cats) are all up, looking at me as if I am to serve them breakfast and entertain them.  I have declined.  I will feed them on their normal schedule and until then I will just pretend they are not staring at me and shedding profusely. 

My real children are all dispersed over the country.  The wee one is now in New Orleans to play at the Sugar Bowl.  I have had six words of text from him so far, so I know he's doing just fine.  In response to my text sent to him on the first night, "Where are you now?" I got back, "on a bus."  To my text of "Are you OK?  How is it going?" I received the chatty, "good, it's great!" so as a Mom, I know that he is having a wonderful time since he bothered to use a '!' and all - so it must be going well.  For him that was practically a novel in typed text.

My daughter is at her older brother's house and has been since New Year's Eve.  She called and left a voice message at midnight.  My husband and I were fast asleep in bed by 10 p.m., being the party animals we are, and she thought of that after she called, so the voice message was in a practical whisper so as not to wake us up.  I am glad the kids have each other to celebrate the New Year with since their old parents have pooped out over the years and are absolutely no fun during major events. 

That just leaves me with a house full of critters and a husband to start off the New Year.  We have been spoiling our grandcat to no end.  Even my husband, who has been known to be just one step mentally sideways of an orangutan at times has been letting the grandcat get away with murder.  Rocko loves to drink from the faucet and we let him, as long as we're out there to 'babysit' him while he does it. Our faucet in the kitchen doesn't drip by nature, so we have to force a 'fake' drip for Rocko to enjoy.  He's going to be so bored when he gets taken back to Chicago after the faced paced lifestyle he's come to experience here in the country.  Dogs attacking, birds at the bird feeders, other cats to pounce on...He will no doubt want to spend all his vacations here with the grandparents.  Since Rocko has been here, cleaning the litter box has become almost a career as opposed to something you do as a courtesy.  With Rock eating our cat's food and my cats eating Rocko's food, all three of them have been in hyper drive when it comes to bowel activity. 

I did not make any New Year's resolutions since I am notorious for not following through on anything ever.  I just want to wake up breathing, mainly - that is my goal for the whole of 2011.  Not so much a resolution as a commitment to continuation of involuntary reflex actions of the brain, but still - it's something.

On Friday, when we took the boy to school to check in for the New Orleans trip, it was at least 50 degrees outside and raining like a tsunami and there was thunder and lightening.  This morning there are fluffs of snow blowing about (not much, but snow nonetheless) and with the wind chill factor it feels like it's seven degrees outside.  Quite the turnaround.  There was enough of a warm up that my carpet is covered with muddy dog paw prints and I will have to get out the carpet cleaner or at least stare at the spots until I forget to stare at the spots anymore. 

When my husband got up this morning (at about 4 a.m. since the dogs were upset I was not paying them proper attention so they decided they had to bring in the reserves and woke the man up) I asked him to watch T.V. with his headphones on.  That way I could have my quiet time.  He said that was fine, and I was relieved.  Sometimes a girl just has to have a quiet moment to blog.   Sometimes the drone of the T.V. makes me sick to my stomach and I want to throw something through the T.V. that will cause awesome sparks and such.  As long as he keeps his headphones on, no one has to get hurt...

January 7, 2011 - It has been a long and challenging week at work, but in a good way.   I multitasked the hell out of things.  I am happy when I can manage my mind at various levels.  It pleases me that my mind will still do that and it gives me hope for a less demented future.  How my brain can handle what it has handled this week but still forget where it parked is beyond me...

The wee one is on his way back from his New Orleans trip.  They are in and or around Indianapolis at this moment.  He will call me at work when he's ready to get picked up from school later this morning.   The picture above is a shot as they practiced for the half time show, which ESPN didn't even attempt to show, of course, as 'band' is not 'sports' and who cares about band, right?  NOT!  During the game, my daughter and the wee one were texting back and forth in the first half.  He sounded (in print, mind you) so amazed that he was in a stadium with 75000 people and was in awe and having a great time.  They had a great time, by all reports.  His best friend's Mom, Wendy, who was my son's group chaperone, called and left a voice mail for me on the 5th, to tell me that Aaron was having a good 18th Birthday Day.  She said he got a pie in the face at the Hard Rock cafe and they sang 'Happy Birthday' to him.  Smile.  That was ever so sweet of Wendy to update me.  I owe her big time.  When you can't be with your kid for monumental dates in their lives, you sure hope someone you love and who loves your kid is with them, and I loves me a Wendy.  Aaron had texted me that morning too, and all the text said was, "...I have stories..."  This made me chortle loudly.  I would go as far as to wager that the wee one will come home, tell his sister stories (since I will have to go back to work) then pass out until tomorrow morning from sheer exhaustion.

The GrandCat, Rocko, just tried to rip the table cloth off the kitchen table.  This makes me laugh.  I believe he just got his claw stuck in it but nonetheless, it was a funny sight to behold.  The other cats were watching him do all of this spaz playing with one eyebrow raised like Spock on Star Trek, and on occasion looking at me as if to say, "Can you believe that idiot?   Geez!"  Since the table cloth incident, he's been running back and forth, launching in to the air for no good reason, sliding in to cupboards in the kitchen (with enough force to make him breathless for a second or two) and crying at the window at the bird at the bird feeder.  I will miss my daughter and my grandcat with much intensity since they go back to Chicago on Sunday.  Sigh.  The house will be quiet and boring without them.

My husband hit a deer on the way to work yesterday morning.  He called me before I left for work to report that 1) he was not dead and was OK, since he knew I probably wasn't going to ask that question   2)the car was still drive-able to his knowledge since he did in fact drive it the rest of the way to work, but will need to find a junk yard with a headlight assembly.   He called back a few hours later to tell me 1)he had a flat tire now, must be he ran over the crap from the exploded headlight and 2)the radiator was apparently leaking as there was no antifreeze in there and 3)he would try to put on the spare 'tard tire' and get up to Discount Tire after work. 

He did in fact manage to get up to Discount Tire and get the thing fixed and came home in one piece.  He will be busy this weekend duct taping that old car back together again...

My daughter and I got my Aunt's "new" (my daughter's old) computer set up for her last night.  Aunt Jean is in her 80s and Aunt Jean is jumpy when it comes to new things.  Aren't we all?   She would have probably slept very well last night as I believe all the new instructions and such wore her out.  I expect a call today, however, asking questions.  I am hoping once the newness of it wears off she will be calm enough to figure it out and get on line and read her mail and such.  She is hooked on email. When you are stranded (basically) in an apartment all day, it helps to have a line to the outside world.  Maybe I should let them borrow Rocko for the weekend...that would be excitement. 

January 10, 2011 - I woke up this morning to a fog in the house and the smell of burning chocolate.  I forgot my hot fudge cake had boiled over yesterday so I never cleaned up the pile of molten chocolate on the bottom of the stove.  My husband used the stove this morning to re-heat Tater Tots.  I am glad the smoke alarms did not go off!   It still lingers everywhere.  A sign of a good pudding cake or a good pie is the fact that for three more oven uses there will be a haze in the house...

My daughter and her boyfriend and my grandcat left yesterday morning to go back home to Chicago.  Sigh.  The place is too quiet now without things tipping over or getting ripped up from Rocko's sheer joy of being alive and  being a cat with claws.  Jake, the male dog, who enjoyed chasing Rocko all over the house and up and down the stairs, is quite depressed.   He's just been a lump on the couch since they left.  I thought it would be the female dog, Kia, who would be down and out at their departure but she seems fine.   Poor Jakey isn't taking it so well...  My daughter called me when they were safe and had everything hauled back up to her apartment.  (They were walking to the pet store when she called, to buy toys for Rocko since they knew he'd be very bored without other cats and dogs to terrorize or birds to watch at bird feeders.)  After they left for Chicago, I cleaned the house, which suddenly looked very empty and very dusty.  I swept and dusted and did laundry and such. 

Per my wee one's request, we had home made pizza and hot fudge pudding cake for his 18th Birthday celebration last night.  Big Brother came over to share in the festivities.  Going back to school will be a shock for the boy.  He had such a hoot in New Orleans.  I am ever so glad my kids had a chance to travel with the high school bands.  We don't travel, so it was going to be the only way they 'saw' the world as it were...  He got a 'pie' in the face on his birthday and celebrate New Year's on the bus enroute.  There were also many good pictures from his friends and from his own camera when he came back.  He treated us to a Friday Night Showing of the pictures taken.  We live vicariously through our children, yes?  The only thing he complained about was the noise in the Super Dome on game day.  "Two thousand kids playing in the band, 75000 people screaming in the stands - man, it was loud!"  So this week we are all back to normal life this week and on with life we go.

I am on the fourth book from the batch of books my son got me for Christmas.  My eyes hate me.  The other night I read until 1 a.m.   As I was getting ready for bed I glanced outside at the neighbor's mercury light and there were six mercury lights - that is how tired and over used my eyes were!  However, even with my eyes screwing up, I can't stop reading.   I love reading.  I love the fact it doesn't feel like reading (even though I'm not sure how that should feel, really, now that I ponder it since it never feels like I'm reading to begin with) it feels like you are watching a movie in your head.   Sometimes I'm convinced my brain even adds a soundtrack from time to time.  I have to stop my brain from jumping ahead on certain paragraphs.  "Hey, I didn't read all that and you are already on the next page!"  "It's just a bunch of boring stuff about the landscape and stuff and I read it and it doesn't add to the story line...we don't need to read all that"  "No, you go back and you read each word, Mister!  Do you hear me!?"  "Whatever...who cares what the mountains and a valley look like?" 

Brains - go figure...

January 11, 2011 - Yesterday morning as I was putting on makeup for work (sometimes I do, sometimes I don't - it all depends on my mood at the time since in reality there is no makeup that can help my over all appearance) I noticed it takes longer to spackle in under my eyes and even then the illusion doesn't last long at all after getting out in to the real world because I'll have a hot flash and sweat it off or my eyes will constantly water and wash away any makeup attempt in a Tammy Faye Baker sort of way.  The dark circles are just there and part of my face and I should just accept them without trying to fight them but I continue to do so from time to time.  The only time this fact bothers me is when I feel 'cute' and think I look 'cute' but then everyone, even strangers on the street and people running aerial spy satellites in Europe, will say, "Oh, my, don't you feel good?  You look so tired!"

The whole point of the paragraph above was to say, as I was spackling my dark circles I noticed (suddenly, mind you - as if they just popped up there) all the age spots on my hands.  I said to my reflection, "Holy Crap! When did those show up?!!!"  Seriously, there seemed to be a rash of new freckles on steroids all over my hands.  I lectured my hands, stating in a matter of fact tone, "Just because you're 50 now does not give you the right to start turning colors and falling off and such!"  Of course, once you notice that type of thing you get over worried and start looking at everything with a more critical eye, so now I've noticed that I must have sixty two more vericose veins* that make my legs look like a landing field for ancient aliens and this makes me sad since my legs were always one of my best features.  Sigh.

I am not upset by all of this, really, as there isn't much I can do to stop the progression of time.  It was more of a shock for me.  Many things 'shock' me.  I am naive and oblivious to so many things for the majority of the time that all of this could have been happening all along and I just noticed it, so when I finally do - BAM!  WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN!?  I would be a horrible witness for anyone or anything in a court of law...

My daughter called me whilst walking home from class last night and gave me an update on her new classes and also said Rocko the grandcat has slept non-stop since they've gotten home.  It never dawned on me that those three weeks at our house could have possible overstimulated the poor cat.   Rocko seemed happy to have a dog free environment and he was sprawled out spread eagle, asleep on the chair beside her most of the day and last night.  Our big dog, Jake, has been in a depressed funk since they left...our cats just don't play tag like Rocko did.

*This old version of Front Page that I use for the web page wanted to correct 'vericose' to 'fricasee' which made me laugh.  I almost left it as fricasee veins...

January 13, 2011 - I stopped at the local grocery store last night, a Spartan brand carrying Family Fare - formerly Felpausch- formerly Hardings - but I digress...

Where was I?  Oh, yes - I stopped to pick up a few things.  When I walked over by the dairy area they had the Spartan brand buttery spread on sale.  It's name is 'is it butter?' which made me laugh out loud.  We all know there is 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!' and I've seen 'Tastes Like Butter' and other store's brand versions, but this was just plain funny.  There are probably all sort of local store brands with catchy non-sueable type names like 'What?  It's not butter?! Don't Tell Grandpa!' or 'Just Eat It Already, and Pretend it's Butter Why Don't You?' or 'Sure, It's not Butter but...' Buds. 

'is it butter?' however, as a name in it's lower case glory is almost an issued challenge to find out if it is or if it isn't.   I will need to submit samples to a lab soon or the burning question of 'is it butter?' will haunt me forever...

Butter and non-butter wannabes come up in my mind as I survey the debris field in the kitchen.  My husband is a firm believer in a big breakfast.  (I come from the school of thought that if one was supposed to eat more than a bowl of cereal for breakfast then one had better be rich and have a cook and maids.)   Every morning my husband makes himself eggs and toast and some form of bovine or pork product.  Plus he makes his lunch for work so there is a field of crumbs, pans with grease, packaging, twisty ties - you name it.  There it is.   Plop.  The clean up part of a good breakfast and lunch falls to the next person to wake up, obviously.  There are times I am upset that someone could leave such a messy wake in his path just for his wife to clean up, but other times I have to say, "Man, I'm glad he doesn't expect me to wake up and do all that!"   (Seeing as I wouldn't have done it all these years even if he did expect it...) 

During supper last night I was asking my son the normal things that are required by law for parents to ask their child, "How was school?" and "What are you doing in (insert class name here)?"  He said they were doing Shakespeare's 'Hamlet' in English class.  I immediately launched in to the soliloquy of "To be, or not to be - That is the question.  Whether 'tis nobler in  mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or take arms against a sea of trouble and by opposing, end them.  To die, to sleep - no more..etc"   "Why do you remember that, Mom?" my son asked as if in pain.  "How do you remember that after all these years?"  He almost demanded.  "I just do - I did it for our project in MCH* my junior year in High School.  Or maybe it was senior year... I got an 'A' for it!" I replied.   I believe the poor guy was asking only because I forget most things most of the time and he is amazed that, for instance, I can remember a soliloquy I learned in 1978 but I forget to give him lunch money for school after he's reminded me six times and where the heck I park...

*MCH stood for Man's Cultural Heritage, I think, if my memory serves me - oh sure, I remember that damned soliloquy but I can't really remember what MCH stood for to be honest.  It was just a two hour block with both English and Social Studies squished together...

January 17, 2011 - Ah, a new week, yes?  We will go forth and conquer.

Yesterday evening Jake and Kia were out in the dog pen being, well - dogs.  Barking at the neighbor's dogs at one point and then surveying all that is theirs in a stately manner, then playing and digging in the dirt (I thought that is what they were doing...)  There is a little bird feeder on the outside of their dog pen for the little birds (sparrows and titmouse and such) but the birds don't come around when the dogs are out there.  Wise choice, so it turns out...

I opened the back door to let them in and Kia ran in, but Jake was out there lording over a lump on the ground and wouldn't move.   "Come on, Jake!  I'm not heating the whole neighborhood after all!" I stated.  Jake just stood there - prouder than any other time in his life.  My son was doing dishes and watching through the kitchen window.  "What does Jake have there?" I finally questioned, as the lump on the ground was what Jake was protecting and being proud over.  I took a few steps outside and saw it was a dead sparrow!  "Oh My God!  Jake killed a bird!" I yelled.  I could see my son inside the kitchen window laughing at this point.  I walked all the way out and grabbed the poor birdie by the feet and lobbed it over the fence line.  Jake looked quite hurt and couldn't understand why I was so shocked by this when he had done me a favor by providing dinner for the family and all.  I had to drag Jake in by the collar.  He was feeling manly and I, being the good woman I am, squelched all his dreams and aspirations in one fell swoop.

We were all laughing about this.   Jake is a lover, not a bird killer - totally out of character for him.  We figured one of those sparrows had flown in to the side of Jake as the dogs were just sitting out there being quiet and all and well, once you fly in to a 90 pound dog and pass out, that's all she wrote.  Jake was ever so proud of his accomplishment.   

And speaking of birds, they are quite demanding.  Once you start to provide local birds with a food source, I can say from experience you DON'T want that food source to run out.  When my husband and I got home from the store on Saturday, there were a line of birds on the power line and in the trees just reading the riot act to me.  I swear I could understand what they were saying as they chitted and tweeted!  They were saying, "There had better be a bag of seed in that trunk, Lady, or else!"  I fed them and all was well, but for a second there I was worried about the whole "The Birds" - Alfred Hitchcock type thing happening in my front yard...

January 19, 2011 - It dawns on me the only reason I keep this diary is to remember what decade it is...

Last night I went to dinner with the girls.  Always fun to share time with my friends.  We went to a new place which did not impress me, food wise (except for the steak I had, which was DIVINE but at that point anything on hooves would have made me happy) nonetheless - one should always take time for some girlfriend moments.  When it came time to pay, I gave the waitress one of the cards in my wallet and she came back and said it didn't go through.  I know I had taken out my good bank card before hand, and I swear I gave her the correct card, and as I stared at the card she brought back I suddenly forgot everything I ever learned ever in the past 50 years.  It was like I was looking at a vast expanse of glacier and I was a two day old penguin that needed to get to the other side.

I rifled through all the cards in my wallet.  I had a benefit Flex card, old obsolete debit/credit cards that were expired, six years worth of insurance cards, dental cards, my library card from some other century, my Ford perks card, my Speedway card... the only thing I kept replaying in my mind was that I JUST HAD THAT ONE CARD IN MY HAND A MERE TEN MINUTES AGO and I couldn't find it.  I finally gave her another debit card and all was well, but at that point I was in a dire panic where the OTHER one had gone.  I was re-living the last few days in my mind best I could to trace back to figure out when it went missing.  Dawn said she's done that before and it bugged her so much but then it was right where she had already looked, so I would go home and find it on my desk or something.  That was a comfort, but still, I was worried. 

We all went out to our cars and as we were saying goodbye when I put my hand in my pocket (I am pretty sure this was my brain putting my hand in my pocket as I had no good physical reason to put my hand in my pocket mind you, so I'm pretty sure it was my brain doing it as I could hear a distant "Tah Dah!" in my head) and pulled out my debit card as if I was pulling a rabbit out of a hat.  We had a good laugh there in the parking lot.  I laughed but felt stupid, and my brain was rolling on the floor of my skull, laughing it's self out.   "Fooled Ya!" it chortled.

When I got home from dinner, my son greeted me at the door and said he was sick.  "My throat and head are killing me!"  (My kids were all trained at an early age to tell me when they are sick sick since all these years and all the times I thought they were sick sick or looked sick sick and announced that fact to them -  I was apparently not in line with their standards of being sick sick and they would claim they were fine.  So since I was a poor judge on other people's internal functions, I tried to raise my kids to alert me to such facts as "I think I have a fever" or "Time to call the doctor, my left arm just fell off" or "Is that supposed to ooze like that?" and the like.)  ((As a Mom, it made me feel good, secretly, that my 18 year old still wanted to tell his old Mom he didn't feel well as Mom can fix stuff like that, even if you are 18 years old and growing out your beard...))

I took his temperature and that was normal.  I looked in his throat with a flash light.  Didn't see much except a tongue that wouldn't bow to my commands of "Flatten out!  I can't see!"   I demanded he go to bed (it was almost nine by then) and he did not argue for once.   I forced him to gargle with salt water, and he only shook his head "no" but he did it.  (Sure sign your child is sick when they say "no" but automatically do what you told them to do...)  Off to bed he went. 

After he was off, I dumped my purse on the kitchen table and cleaned it out.  The two year old gum - gone.  The sixteen different versions of my Blue Cross Card - gone.  The expired aspirin and Tylenol - gone.  All the old expired cards - gone.  I only kept the current debit cards and my faithful library card, and my current health cards.  When I closed my wallet, it CLOSED without a fight and felt eight pounds lighter.  I had an official card cutting ceremony over the garbage can, then of course immediately panicked and checked the remaining cards in my wallet AGAIN to be sure I didn't just chop up a good one.  I felt much better after all was said and done. 

Houston, the penguin has landed...

January 22, 2011 - The temperature in these parts is five degrees and the wind chill makes it feel like it's negative ten degrees.  My cousin left me voice mail yesterday to tell me it was negative 16 degrees where he was, so of course, he wins this contest of thermometers.  Burrr is all I gots to say about that...

The last several days have been interesting to say the least.  On Thursday, my husband called me at work from his work.  "Well, I've replaced the boy..." he stated in a solemn voice.   He went on to explain he had won a Whirlpool dishwasher from work.  (They make a lot of parts for Whirlpool where he works, so I assume that Whirlpool donates an appliance for these sort of things.  In this case it was a dishwasher and everyone with perfect attendance and no write ups got their name in the bowl in the drawing...)

He was quite excited.  I was quite excited.  "Awesome, we can sell it!"  I said with joy in my voice.   "Sell it?!!??  I won it!" he responded.  "But where are we going to put it?" I asked.  "I'll find a way to make it work!" he declared in his best manly cave man 'I can do anything as I'm a guy' type voice.  I am pretty sure he was beating his chest at the time he said that... 

It helps to understand my concern if I explain our house a bit.  We live in Lisa and Oliver Douglas' old house from Green Acres.  It has crappy out of code wiring.  (I am actually not sure how we get electricity in this house.  I am pretty sure it's conducted through a series of fairies, gnomes, and magical however very tiny little shady looking characters with copper wire under their trench coat.)  If one thing is running, you don't run other things. 

Water pressure is an issue, too.  If you flush the toilet, no one takes showers for a week...

The house looks small from the outside but once you walk in, it looks even smaller.  Three large walnuts and a sheet of paper is pushing it for 'maximum occupancy' in my living room.  Mind you, the house is tiny but we managed to raise three fine children in it.   Fights are short as there is no where to run from your opponent here.  You either get it solved or... wait.  There is no 'or' - you resolve your issue NOW... It's a small old crappy ex-garage pretending to be a domestic dwelling.  It keeps us fairly warm, so I won't complain, but I wanted you to know what we are dealing with here and why there is always fear over any new appliance.

So, due to the electric set up or lack of said set up, and with water pressure that might possibly intimidate a small micro-organism on occasion, I just did not want a dishwasher!  It's already slim pickings for butt space in the kitchen as it is.  Once the wee one leaves this summer, why would we need one anyway?  Sigh.  My husband was very determined to make his prize work.

Then on Friday they had a drawing at my workplace of a 37" flat screen T.V.   I won that.  It made me scream and jump up and down like an idiot.  I couldn't believe it!  Yay!  A new T.V.  I was hoping to win this T.V. only because my husband had announced that we were going to buy a bigger flat screen T.V. for the living room with tax refund money and put the current T.V. in the bedroom.  My issues with that concept was 1)I did not want to spend tax refund money on stupid television products when we have a perfectly good T.V. now  and 2)who in the hell watches T.V. in the bedroom around here anymore?  No one!

I hauled my winning home at lunch time and left it there for my husband to play with.  The initial plan was to drive up and say to him, "You can go get something out of the trunk - something to put on the new dishwasher" but I couldn't wait and I had to call him once I found out I had won it.   He couldn't believe our run of good luck.  "Stop and get a lottery ticket on the way home, honey!" he said.   The T.V. was up and running by the time I came home from work.  (He had a vacation day, so he was home, measuring and pondering how to hook up and fit the new dishwasher in the kitchen that has absolutely no space for such a thing.) 

I had had hope that the T.V. would have distracted the boy enough that he'd forget that he wanted to install that dishwasher, but at this moment we have a new dishwasher sitting in the kitchen that is fully functional.   Actually, it doesn't take up THAT much room...I was worried for nothing.

We had been amassing dishes since last night.  If we were going to test the thing, then we wanted a full load.  As he was finishing up the cabinet for the thing, I was reading instructions.  After supper tonight we loaded her up and I pushed the button.  (I've used dishwashers before on occasion.  At hotels when I traveled for work and when I was a teen, at houses I cleaned.)  Some pretty blue lights lit up and then after a minute, went off.  "Did we blow a fuse?" I asked.  My husband checked.  "Nope..."  So I got my reading glasses and investigated.  "Oh, hey - look!  There's a  'start' button!  Go figure!" 

Apparently pressing the type of cycle you want THEN pressing the start button makes it work!  We stood and watched the pretty blue lights for a while like people probably watched their first T.V. in the 50s.  That got old fast.  I came out in to the living room and watched T.V. while playing on the internet.  I got up and checked the lights a lot, though.  A new appliance in this house has to be watched like a rapist released from jail into the custody of a girls school.  One time I went out there to stare at the pretty blue lights and found that Muffy had claimed the new addition as his own.   It was quite funny. 

The noises the machine made from time to time made the dogs bark and stare at it.  They kept a vigilant watch on the new thing in the kitchen for quite a while.  They would stare at it and cock their heads, then look at us as if to ask, "Is it supposed to do that?"  I happened to be looking at it myself when it finally went to 'dry' mode, and announced this to my husband.  I came back in and plopped down in front of the computer but could smell something awful burning.  We both flew to the dishwasher to see smoke billowing out of it's top vent.  I pushed a button and pulled the door open.  A puff of white smoke billowed out.  It stank like burning plastic at it's best.  We pulled out the bottom rack to find a piece of Styrofoam that had padded something during shipment and it was wedged under one of the heating elements.  I grabbed it and threw it in the sink.  All that time we were laughing hysterically.  "I swear I took out all the packaging in there!" I said.  We aired out the poor thing and shut the door and pushed 'resume' and let it finish it's work. 

By then, I was quite riled up and didn't want to just sit so I lit a candle to help get rid of the 'ode de plastic' smell that hung in the air and decided sweep the living room. As I was sweeping the living room I was going on about wanting to get a new 'real' vacuum that really worked instead of "this cheap old thing" when  I got a bit crazy and nudged the tray by my husband's chair.  He had a coffee mug sitting there and he had just gotten a new cup of hot coffee.  The coffee flipped all over on to the T.V. controller and all over his lap.   I couldn't help but laugh.  I laughed as I pulled the batteries out of the T.V. remote and blew it out with canned air.  Then I ran and got towels, but I was still laughing.  I laughed when I was cleaning up my mess while he changed his jammy pants in the bathroom, making loud comments about my incredibly suave ability with appliances tonight...  

Now it's late at night - almost tomorrow.   I have clean dishes that smell like melted foam.  The French vanilla coffee creamer that was in the tipped-over coffee has helped make the air smell better and all's well that ends well, right?.  I think I'm going to bed...

Oh, almost forgot! When I emailed my friend Kathy on Friday to tell her about our lucky streak - she emailed this to me on Saturday morning which made me laugh out loud:

"Dear Sandy, 

CONGRATULATIONS!!!
It gives us the greatest pleasure to inform you that you have won a pony and a church organ.  We shall deliver both of these items to you this afternoon.  We thank you for using "Blo-Fart" products, and hope that you will continue to "spread the word" about our effectiveness.

Sincerely,
The Blo-Fart Corporation"

Ah, it's the little things in life...

January 27, 2011 - Please note in this picture the condition of the toilet paper in my bathroom.  The boys didn't even try this time, normally there is at least one little shard of paper still on the roll in an attempt to prove "it was still full when I left it..." Also please note that if I don't change it to a new roll, this would stay and empty cardboard roll blowing in the wind until they unearthed this place in an expedition for prehistoric bones some 5000 years from now.  "Ah, this culture ran out of toilet paper, apparently - most likely the cause of their extinction..."  I am not so sure what is so hard about getting a new roll of toilet paper out of the cupboard and loading on to the handy spring mounded rod, but apparently that physical movement is beyond the comprehension of the two males in my house.  What's next?  They will start slinging pooh at each other and stealing bananas??  Sigh.

I must admit, I like that new dishwasher.   I like the feel of the dishes after it's done doing what it does.  They just feel 'cleaner' for the most part.  It has become, however, another 'ice machine' as far as I'm concerned.  (If you recall, the boys got me a countertop ice maker several Christmas' back, and at first I thought it was a kind gift and very thoughtful since I love ice in all my drinks and such, but it turned out it was because they were sick of making ice themselves from conventional ice trays and if they got me a 'new toy' I would be the one who made the ice, not them...clever of them, very clever for a pack of dirty assed apes...)  So the dishwasher is the same concept.  There is the dishwasher, there is Mom.  Mom will load and unload dishwasher.  Snap.  It's like magic. 

I have explained to them that they have to rinse off their dishes now and scrub off caked on ick spots. "Why have a dishwasher if you have to wash the dishes first?" my husband complains.  (This is what I've argued for 30 years every time the word was mentioned about buying a dishwasher.  But this is a freebie, so apparently it's supposed to get off caked on ick better?)   "Duh - that is just how it is - you scrub stuff off before putting it in.   You just don't put in a breakfast plate with egg goo caked on it.  Even God has to scrub His egg plates first!"  This angers the boys.  They forget to rinse off their plates.  Oh, Sure...they are quick to point out any 'missed' food on a dishwasher-washed piece of cutlery, but by golly - REAL MEN DON'T RINSE OFF PLATES AND SILVERWARE!  Sigh. 

January 30, 2011 - When the dogs went out for their post breakfast pooh, they sniffed foreigners in the air and the hair on the their backs raised up from their neck to their tails and they began 'huffing' loudly. "Humphffffff Humphfffff" sort of sound. I will have to assume this is an animal sort of thing as I've heard lots of animals do it when they are just not sure if they should run or defend their ground. Huffing is a good way to let people know you are dead serious while assessing the situation, I suppose. 

So there the dogs are huffing loudly and on high alert as they stare out of the back of the dog pen. I could make out several deer way out back along the fence line. Jake, who was doing a stellar job huffing in an intimidating way, suddenly let out a belch that echoed off the sheds. This set me to laughing. (I have always wondered why gas emitting sounds from the human body strike me as humorous, but they do and probably always will. Gas sounds from animals are just as good - sometimes better - as the animal is always shocked that THAT sound came OUT OF THEM which it makes it even funnier). The belch just took away from the whole 'puffed up chest and huffing' image they were trying to project on those rogue deer.

February 1, 2011 - So, we're gonna get a storm they say. As many of my peers who were raised during the 70s have been saying, "BRING IT ON!!" We've all told our children stories about the winters of '78 and '67 and such, and I'm sure the snow fall in inches keeps getting deeper every time we tell those stories, but maybe now - just this once, our wee ones will see what we were talking about. Maybe...just maybe.  I am not a gambling man, and I surely wouldn't wager money on the weather.

We have a blizzard warning. This doesn't bother me much. We have a generator and I have drawn water and I can make a good supper out of wood chips and pine needles if need be - but I have been frantic about my daughter. I know my oldest will be OK, I know my wee one will be fine as he will be with us, but my daughter's first official BLIZZARD and she's in CHICAGO. Sigh. Talk about a nervous wreck of a Mom. Sigh.  When I couldn't reach her yesterday and last night I was so ready to print and post flyers about a missing child all over the greater tri-state area and I emailed her boyfriend and in general, I was having a parental spaz. (She was fine by the way - at class all day and such).  So I was pacing and worried all day and night as I was thinking, "Does she have a flashlight? Candles? Gotta be careful with candles, though - don't need a fire. Does she have water in bottles in case? Food that doesn't need cooking in case the power goes off? Pads? Bandaids? Cat food for Rocko?"  Ugh. I have to trust she's old enough to comprehend this sort of thing and is prepared. If she is not prepared - this will most likely be the only time she is not as one tends to learn and plan the next time...

So other than the ulcer I have going on from worry, all is well. I do believe, however, I shall cut back on my caffeine intake today as my stomach is not happy with me in the least bit. I think of my BFF Vickie a lot when they issue weather statements like this. We went through a LOT back in the day with this type of weather. Sigh. Not the best of circumstance back then for her living situation and such, but there were some really precious times between us as friends. Viva Snow.

February 8, 2011 - So the 'blizzard' turned out to be a snow storm, not a blizzard in my book. Which was rather disappointing as now I can't say, "See!!  See what we were talking about?!?" to the kids. Oh well - it tried, so I will give Mother Nature credit for that.

Muffy has been such a help lately. I think in his advanced age, he's losing it (but who am I to talk, really.) In this picture, he is helping  me load the dishwasher (which I still love by the way - it makes the dishes feel so clean and squeaky.) He would have crawled all the way in there had I not stopped him.  While the dishwasher runs, he's on top sucking up escaped heat. At night he has to be right by our heads in bed as well. He will reach out and touch our faces as if he's saying, "It's OK, I'm here - sleep, precious, sleep." We let him get away with murder as he's so old and has been through so much. As Terry Pratchett once wrote in a book of his, "Cats were once worshipped as gods, and they've never forgotten that." This is true with Muffy. He has come to expect that we will bow down before him and turn a blind eye to his antics, which we do, so I can see where he'd just expect that in life.

I'm a cat enabler.

Speaking of losing it at an advanced age - I've been batting a 1000 in that department myself. Last Friday night, on the way home from Meijers after grocery shopping with my husband, I was gabbin' away as I drove down Shaver road. Suddenly, in mid sentence, my brain pokes me and asks, "Hey, where are we? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention earlier, but I'm back now!  I'm not sure where we are, however." I got quiet. My eyes grew big looking for a land mark I could relate to. I had NO CLUE where I was for a few seconds. I even asked my husband, "Where are we?!" in a slightly panicked voice. "Um, what?" he laughed. I knew I had just left the store, so I knew where I should be but the darkness and the view I was seeing in the snow was universal at the moment - it could have been ANYWHERE and seriously -  I had a moment where I was 'lost' as it were. 

Finally something registered in my mind and the split second mental spaz was over and my brain laughed and said, "Oh, OK!!   I know where I am now!! Sorry!  I was just messin' with you!" I continued yappin' at my husband like nothing happened, but that scared me. So that is what it's going to be like when I go to the dark side....

Then last night (speaking of Muffy and Brain Farts) I was outside with the dogs and saw a dark blob in the neighbor's drive way and talked to it for a good five minutes trying to convince Muffy to come in. Finally, I said, "Be that way!  I'm going in! You're gonna freeze to death!" and came back in with the dogs. Muffy did come in later when I went to the front door, but this morning I see what I was talking to out there -  It wasn't the cat. It was one of those tire wheel well boogers all cars get in these parts. Yep, folks - I'm losing it. Sigh.

February 9, 2011 - Ah, I feel ever so much better about my Alzheimer-ish type bouts as of late. My BFF called from Florida to tell me that she too, has had brain farts where she has forgotten where she was. My coworker Judy said the same thing. Judy suggested it was a perimenopausal thing but I think I agree with Vickie - it's just something that happens. Our brains check out and leave us alone to fend for ourselves, and we fail miserably. 

(Before Terri-Fest)

My daughter came home over the weekend for our third annual Terri-Fest. (Terri is our hairdresser.  We love Terri.   She is Terri-fic.  I could go on...) For the last three years, we've had a Terri-Fest on the Ice Fest day in our little town. They do ice carvings and such and have a chili cook off and my daughter and I get our hairs cut and our colors done and have a grand time. I have come to look forward to it. I was looking forward to it EVER SO MUCH this time as I have not had professional hair care since my daughter and I went last August! I was in dire need of a cut. (See picture above.) I had been chopping at my own bangs, which is against the law in this state. (I have a PPO out against me from all scissors EVERYWHERE.  I'm not supposed to be be within 300 feet of scissors with the intent to cut hair.) Sigh. However, now all is well and all the hairs on my head are uniform color and cut professionally and I had a grand time with my girly. 

We had a mini-super bowl party on Sunday. My husband made homemade pizza and the kids got junk food. (I was having a bad day that day - fever and chills and feeling like I was getting the flu, so I took it easy. I cuddled up in my lazy boy and covered up and was, well - sick.) We had a hoot with the game and riffing on Black Eyed Peas during half time. (Something about Justin Beiber getting shot out of a cannon was mentioned after Usher showed up, which made us all laugh loudly.) My daughter had to leave for the bus station during the third quarter, but it was still a fun night with everyone home. 

Monday I felt much better, just slightly feverish in the morning and people were concerned that I was so quiet on Monday - but I am glad I didn't come down with anything like a flu variant or cold or mad cow disease.

February 13, 2011 - I did not get mad cow disease as previously stated, but I did get a variant of a cold. Lots of snot, sneezing, and coughing has been the norm for this week. I used up all the Kleenex I had at work and then moved on to anything thin and disposable for snot collection. 

My daughter did her first 'homemade' dinner as a Valentine for her boyfriend.  I had emailed her my 'best' brownie recipe* and my frosting recipe.  I also did what little coaching I could do for her over the phone on oven barbecue chicken. By the sounds of her facebook posts, it seems to have turned out well. She called yesterday to tell me, but I was napping so she talked to her Dad. I think homemade meals are the best for healthy reasons, for taste reasons, and just for the 'fun' of cooking reasons. It can be quite the stress reliever to cook (depending on what you are cooking, of course). But let it be noted here, I would NEVER turn down an dinner invitation to Red Lobster EVER. 

All the years my kids did papers for school (OK, just my daughter did reams and reams of papers for school and I read reams and reams as a proofer for her - the wee one on the other hand has done maybe three typed reports in his lifetime) I noticed they did not not double space after a period. This has always bugged me. We were taught many moons ago that one spaces twice after a period. It's so embedded in my brain that I don't even think about it now. (Well, now I am this very minute as I'm trying NOT to double space.) I looked it up this week, and spacing twice after a period is old hat. People don't do it anymore. It's a waste of space. With the advent of word processing programs and uniform lettering and such and the obsolescence of typewriters, there is no need to double space after a period. Tell that to my brain. Every period you see on this page was double spaced before I fixed it. I am trying to NOT double space and be hip and such, but it's hard when it's almost an embedded genetic instinct to do so.  Then I looked up parenthesis usage since I do use those a lot. I always put a period on the inside of the end parenthesis which turns out to be fine if it is a complete sentence in and of itself. You put the period on the outside if it's an add in thought which in all my blogs I add many add in thoughts and side notes that way. What I'm trying to say is, if I am ever laid up again with another surgery or something, I will be spending my time fixing all my bloggings since 1998 and taking out spaces and moving periods.

This week will be a fun week for me as I have my annual poke-n-prod on Wednesday. (Due to the internal arrangement of my lady parts it is not easy to get what they are after so I normally endure endless rounds of "Oh, Sorry about that!" before they hit the mark as it were. I miss my Dr. Kordish who could get it first try. Sigh. I miss her a lot.) Then on Friday I have two fillings fixed and we all know how I do so enjoy the dentist. I love my dentist to death and he's ever so good to me, but the fact remains that I react badly in a subconscience way when people are in my mouth. It's not the pain as I don't care about pain and I can tolerate pain. It's the fact I can't close my mouth and such when I think I want to which causes a panic. My dentist knows this and tries with all his talents to get in and out and let me open and close all I want and they keep asking if I'm OK and they constantly watch me for signs of impending finger biting while they are in there... and all of that stems from all those panic attacks I had for years and years where I would literally choke myself when I was having them. It took a LONG TIME to fix myself from having panic attacks and thank God I did it, but the residual remnants of those are taken out on the dentist. Some things the body's cells learn and remember and cannot forget, such as issues with swallowing and double spacing after periods.

Today I am making a beef roast with taters and carrots for our 'Valentine' meal. I hope my oldest can come over to share in the dinner. I like seeing him once a week. I'm sure a 30 year old male just LOVES seeing his Mommy too. Hahahaha. Poor guy. Speaking of which...

My Mom would have been 89 on the 10th this last week. (I started this web blog as a way to deal with all the questions and such after her death. The blog has been therapeutic to no end. I don't care if anyone reads it or not, I feel better typing it.) This week I had a hard time with missing my Mom and all. She has been gone 13 years now.

On the 10th, I came home from work and made dinner then defrosted the freezer and little fridge and also made cookies. I had a beer or three and was working like a horse and when my daughter called.  After talking to her, waxing poetic to her on and on - telling her about my day since the males here don't care about such detail in one's day and I had a good day and wanted to tell someone and as I yapped on and on to my daughter, I eventually started to get weepy and just lost it.  As soon as she hung up I went outside and cried and cried. I was crying because I am happy my kids can still talk to their Mom, which is a good thing and you miss it when it's gone, and since I am a female, it just happens that once you start crying over one thing and you are due for a crying jag, then you just keep crying about everything. So there I was in the dog pen weeping my eyes out. Obviously I needed to cry. However, the wind chill was negative ten degrees so my eyeballs froze and my snot congealed solid and having a crying fit outside in a dog pen was not the most brilliant idea I've ever had. (Of course the next day at work my eyes were so puffy they could have been used as landing pads for aircraft in the area.)

*Cocoa Brownies

9" or 8" pan - square!
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2/3 cup Flour
1/3 cup Cocoa
1/2 teaspoon Baking Powder 
1/2 teaspoon salt
Mix these together in a big bowl

In another bowl, slightly beat the following together until mixed up:

2 eggs
1 cup Light Brown Sugar (you measure brown sugar by packing it in the cup tight)
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/3 cup oil

Mix the flour mix in with the wet stuff. Stir until mixed (but don't beat the hell out of it.)
Put in half a bag of chocolate chips or chocolate chunks (6 ounces)

Spray up your square pan with Pam.
Spread you mixed up brownie stuff in the pan

Bake at 350 for 22 - 25 minutes.
Cool in the pan.

February 21, 2011 - For the records, if you just used your left hand (or any hand for that matter) to rub Ben Gay on an aching foot, DO NOT immediately rub your eyes with that hand!! I'm just saying... I've been having enough issues with my poor old eyes watering and being all puffy that I really didn't need that nice burning sensation as well. 

It is an ice world out there! The drive home was no fun. It sounds like a million bowls of Rice Krispies in milk as the trees sway in the wind. Nature's own style of wind chimes as it were.  Last night we got rain and ice, and we lost a LARGE chunk of the willow tree, which in reality doesn't have that many limbs to give to the good of storms and ice and such. Poor thing. There are limbs EVERYWHERE from all the trees. Guess what we will be doing this weekend? At least we kept power most of the night.  Every poor tree is coated in ice. (Pictures below are from our 'Charlie Brown' tree at work that shouldn't even be alive to begin with, yet it's about the only tree that didn't lose some limbs in the surrounding area.) We normally get ice storms around the 10th of February on my Mom's Birthday, but it's a little late this year...

My son had a 'snow' day today which I'm sure he was excited about but the power went out for most of the day, so the poor guys was forced to actually DO HOMEWORK!!! Oh, the humanity!! A day doing homework and not having heat or running water or the internet. He will no doubt need therapy after this. Smile.  

I was worried sick last night as the boys came home late on the train from a weekend stay with their sister in Chicago. I kept forwarding all the weather warn emails I got all weekend to them because I wanted them to take an early train home. Sigh. I dozed in the chair until my youngest came home from the drive from his brother's house and walked in the door. You could tell the trip home on those icy roads took it's toll on the wee one. My oldest son lost power at his house probably a half hour after he was home. 'Twas not a good night for man nor beast.

Since the wee one was gone from Wednesday night until Sunday night, my husband and I lived la vida loca. (Not really, I'm joking. Our version of living life on the edge is going to more than one store during an outing.) We did upgrade our satellite dish to HD and seriously, the details of the picture is just stunning. Oh My Goodness. Sigh. My universe/space shows almost paralyze me - they are so beautiful. I did spend the weekend cleaning odd places in the house that never get cleaned. Things got washed that have not been washed in decades. (For you young ones out there, that is called "Sandy was bored stiff but too lazy to get dressed and go do something fun.")

I did make cookies for my boss this weekend. I promised him I'd make him any cookie he wanted as long as it wasn't hard and expensive on the condition he did my list of chores at work that I wanted him to do. He sent me this recipe thinking he was funny and that this was hard or something. (See below.) I had most of the things I needed, and come on - they're just cookies after all, so I made them. My husband, who is a big dark chocolate fan, was eating them off the cookie sheet HOT as they came out of the oven. The batch I took in to work went over well. I am not so much a dark chocolate fan but I did finally eat one for dessert tonight after supper. I must say, they were quite good (even if they do look like a little cow patty).

Dark Chocolate Walnut Cookies
makes 2 dozen

1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
2/3 cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cups (1 1/2 sticks)unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
1 1/4 cups packed light brown sugar
2 large eggs
3/4 cup (4.5 oz) good-quality bittersweet (dark) chocolate morsels or chopped chocolate pieces
1 cup walnuts coarsely chopped

Preheat oven to 375° F. Line cookie sheets with a piece of parchment, or leave un-greased.

Into a medium mixing bowl, sift together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt.

In a stand mixer or with a hand-held electric mixer on medium speed (or by hand)
beat together butter and brown sugar until fluffy and uniform in color. Add eggs
one at a time, beating until well-combined. Reduce speed to a low stir and add dry mixture,
stirring until just combined. Pour in chocolate and walnuts and stir to combine.

Drop a heaping tablespoon of dough with at least 2 inches of space between.
Bake on center rack until puffed, but still slightly shiny in the middle, about 10-15 minutes.

With a spatula, transfer cookies to a rack to cool.

Serve with a big glass of cold milk.

Cookies will stay relatively fresh, covered in an air-tight container, for about three days.

Sara Kate Gillingham-RyanMay 26, 2009 02:00PM

I also spent the weekend worrying about a stray dog that was out back and kept running circles around four yards looking for someone or something. He wouldn't come up to me but he did eat the bowl of food I put out for him. He would eat a bite and choke, eat a bit and choke... I don't see him now, so hopefully someone got a hold of him and called someone. I called local stores to see if anyone had put up a flyer about a missing chocolate lab. (It looked like a lab to me, but when it comes to dogs, I have no clue what breed most are since I've had so many hybrids over the years - aka mutts.) We could see he had a collar and all but he was scared of all humans. Lordy, I hope someone got him and he's not dead out there in the cold...

Speaking of dead things, my fish tank well - TANKED. Came home to a mass fish die off. Frank the algae eater (that the kids got me a few years ago for Mother's day) and the stupid new fish we got named Skittles and all the little fish we've had forever- DEAD. Sigh. All I can think is that the new fish was diseased. So I had a grand flushing, drained the tank, and forced my husband to haul the tank outside. No more fishies for Sandy. Sigh. I will give myself credit for keeping fish alive for long periods of time over the years, but my run of luck there is done.  At least the mighty Frank died with dignity. He looked quite peaceful at the bottom, latched on to his last rock as opposed to the others who were sucked up into the filter or floating in the bubble tide randomly.  RIP dudes.

February 22, 2011 - We rely so much on fossil fuel, that it is quite a scary thought to think of the day it's gone. No doubt that will happen soon enough, but until then I am still amazed on a daily basis how the pioneer people lived without the Internet and Poise Pads. Oh, sure - they were working on surviving 90% of the time...

The kids have a second 'snow' day. I have to assume it's due to lack of power for the majority of the county. Kalamazoo county got hit hard. The trees that were damaged during the last two wind/snow storms finally decided to jump ship. I told the wee one not to plan anything for this weekend as we'll be on clean up duty for all the limbs in our yard. We are due for one heck of a bon fire. The first thing I am going to do if I ever win the lottery is hire a tree company to come out and put that poor willow tree out of it's misery, the poor thing.

Currently I am soaking my left foot. I wore nothing but slippers all weekend and they were my husband's old slippers, so they were far too big for my feet. All that flopping around in foot apparel that was not my size took it's toll.  Every time I would stand up at work yesterday my left ankle would scream at me to "sit yer fat ass down, you cow - can't you see I'm in pain!?!?" My left foot is rather rude as far as feet go, but I must agree, I'm a load.  The poor thing was feeling down and out. It seems to be groovin' on the hot water soak, however...

The older we get, the more we have to be 'in tune' with out bodies. We all have learned over the years to 'know' what our body is trying to tells us. If you foot is screaming, you soak it and massage it and promise it you will never wear ill fitting shoes again. If your heart feels like there are gerbils in it, you go see your doctor and cut down on caffeine. (Side note to my kids - remember to stretch!  You laugh and roll your eyes when I say this - but you MUST keep your muscles happy as you age. Sure, it's no big deal now but you really don't want to wait until you have a foot topple you mid-stride just because it has an attitude due to mistreatment whilst you are in a public place and you bounce all over like a large bag of lard in a burlap bag. You are going to wish you stretched more!)

February 24, 2011 - Since I take my thyroid medicine in the morning on an empty stomach, I don't eat my breakfast until I get to work.  As I boot up my computer, I change my voice mail message to be the current date and then wander off to get my coffee and make a cup of instant oatmeal. Yesterday morning I put my oatmeal in a cup and proceeded to pour coffee in that cup. Duh. I laughed out loud at myself and decided I'd finish fixing my oatmeal anyway as I was not going to waste a cup of instant oatmeal. That's when I knocked the cup over, and a brown substance (that resembled the byproduct of a sick child after his visit to the Hershey factory while eating a bag of popcorn then going on his first roller coaster ride) oozed all over the counter and then down the front of the counter and all over my jacket that I was wearing. I thought I had it all cleaned up and got another bag of instant oatmeal and did it correctly. Later that morning, Judy said, "What is THAT?" pointing at the front of my jacket. I looked down and there was a huge patch of oatmeal flakes embedded in a dark stain. It wasn't pretty.

One of tiny little divisions of my job is to design labels to meet customer specifications and also labels for our internal use. Jody, who's in the QC department, called and needed a small label that said, "Certified for Hole." I questioned that. (Really, I just laughed a lot and said, "Are you SERIOUS?") Apparently they had parts that had to be marked as certified for the internal dimension of a hole on the part, and of course the logical thing to do would to have been to put "Certified for ID" but, hey - I just dumped caffienated oatmeal all over myself, so who am I to question a request early in the morning?

I got the label done as they were in a big hurry for the format and told the plant which label to run. (I was clever and named the label 'Hole' so there would be no forgetting it.) On my first break, Mike was razzing me and said something like, "...and the label queen wears her own labels" or the like and I looked down and right near my own personal hole area right there on my skirt there was one of the florescent yellow CERTIFIED FOR HOLE labels. Hahaha. (OK, so you had to be there, but it was still funny. You can only imagine the jokes in reference to that the rest of the day... I am happy no one was around that would have been offended by that accidental placement of a label. We all know how the American people can get upset over odd things. Ah, the American People - Telling the masses where to go and what to do since the Mayflower...) A good example of this - last night while reading news online I read about the Hacienda Restaurant ad campaign that apparently offended many people. There was an apology from the company and they took down the billboards.  COME ON, YOU GUYS - WHERE IS YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR?? I find the billboard very funny. Jonestown was many many years ago. I am sure you wouldn't like the billboard had you had family members in that cult way back then, but over the decades there have been billions of references to this tragedy that have been done in humorous ways. Humans cope with tragedy with humor. How can you NOT find this ad campaign funny? Sigh. I suppose we're on that path now, heading down the road of political correctness gone awry. I could preach here about how people are idiots and if they don't get their way they fall on the floor and whine and scream and kick and such, but I will just sing a verse from one of Ricky Nelson's songs instead - "You can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself..."

Did I mention that for dessert last night, I was going to have a bowl of Rice Krispies and I poured a bowl of Rice Krispies and then I proceeded to dump said bowl all over the floor. Then there were two dogs trying to help me sweep up those Krispies which wasn't much help at all, really. Sigh. My gravitational zone yesterday was messed up.

I told my wee one that he had to start getting up by himself in the morning as practice for real life. Real life will start for him after graduation although he needs to get the hang of it NOW. Real life bites. So now it is 6:52 a.m. and I've not heard a stirring from his room yet. I am not going to yell at him. (I say that to remind myself that I said I wasn't going to yell at him.) Out of all three of the kids, this wee one has baffled me the most. Are all 'last kids' the most trying? Was I like that? I was the youngest - did I torture my parents like this? (Now that I ponder this question to myself for a few minutes, I would have to say, "Yes, Yes I did.") Paybacks are hell...

My daughter called last night while walking home from from the train stop. She sounds sick still, very snotty. She had a terrible headache. (She gets migraines anyway, but this sounds like the sinus factor is strong in this one.) I don't do headaches well as I don't have a lot of them, so I pity her. How she can keep her grades up with migraines is beyond me. Still, as required by law, I gave her tons of advice for sinus issues on how to help relieve the pressure and such and how she needs more rest and how she needs to get up like a human and go to bed like a human and not skip breakfast and... (All of this wise advice to my daughter was sponsored by the woman who was walking on Krispies and beating dogs off with a broom and who was covered earlier in the day by brown gooey oatmeal.) Run, my daughter, Run! Save yourself!!

February 27, 2011 - I have become quite OCD about the dishwasher. I find I MUST run it once a day. If there are not enough dishes for a load, I find the old dishes in the cupboard that have not been washed in forever and wash them. My cupboard is full of gleaming clean dishes now. I have to rinse and load the washer as soon as there is a dirty dish. Sigh.  Lose the fish, and I get all weird about something else. Obsessive Compulsive about a dishwasher? Leave it to me.

I head sandhill cranes in the swamp already, and the red winged black birds are back in droves. They have cleaned me out of bird food everyday for a week. Sigh. I can't stop feeding the birdies just because the pig boys are back, so I've switched to a cheaper food for a while until the red winged blackbirds find women and fly off to nest and stuff. I love the songs they sing, so I suppose I tolerate them for their singing ability.

February 28, 2011 - As I was making my bed this morning, I smelled such a fowl smell I gagged a little. One of the pets had barfed multiple times on the comforter. Sigh. No way to tell by contents who it was, not that knowing which pet it was would help in anyway, although you feel better if you can say, "Oh Muffy!  You near death cat, barfing on stuff all the time! Silly Kitty!" So now the comforter is in the wash and life goes on. Every day we have to clean up a little barf of one type or another.

I got the main fridge all clean up and defrosted this weekend. That thing was driving me crazy. I had done the little fridge and the little freezer a while back, but I had been avoiding the main holder of foods requiring cooling. I shut it off and cleaned her out and now I feel much better. It is amazing how GROSS a place of food containment can get. Yuck! It is more amazing how we as humans can avoid that fact our refrigerator is dirty and needs some attention. I've been putting it off for nearly six months if I ponder.

It rained a lot yesterday, so the dog pen is now a skating rink and it gives me joy to watch the dogs slide around as they look for a pooping place. Quite cruel of me, I know, to find joy in dogs that are moving in directions they never meant to go. I hope I look that gracious when I'm sliding on ice, but I highly doubt it.

My Mom used to be so afraid of embarrassing herself in public. (This thought inspired by the dogs sliding our of control on the snow/ice just now. Odd how one little thing can set your brain thinking of another thing...) When I was very young we were on one of our yearly outings to downtown Kalamazoo, Mom fell on ice behind a store. She was just so upset. The workers that were back there at the time turned their heads and didn't make fun at all, and Mom got right back up and we were on our way, but she was so abashed by that incident for days, I swear. I am not sure if she was scared of falling or scared of embarrassing herself in general? She used to wear white gloves to church after picking walnuts meats (since walnuts would stain your hands so much). I think she had a fear of looking stupid or 'second class' for the general public. I have overcome that issue a long time ago. I doubt I could feel embarrassed in public or at home much anymore, although those times still happen on rare occasions. Being human happens, and there is not a lot we can do about it. We tend to fart, belch, and ooze things as humans and sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. You can either brush it off and suck it up and move on, or let it dictate how you live your life.

Wow, a moment of deep thought so early in the morning. Should be against the law. Thank goodness for coffee.

March 3, 2011 - In like a lamb. Like butter March came in... Go March!

*Note to my daughter, the following paragraph is not aimed at you so don't take it that way. I needed a catchy lead in...

My daughter says 'like' a whole lot when she's talking. She knows she does this and we all tease her about it. We mentally count the times she says 'like' and report it to her after she's done speaking which I'm sure she appreciates to no end. We all, like, say things when we talk as a spacer of sorts, so it's not an uncommon thing. 'Um' and 'Like' and 'You know' are the top three I can think of - those words or phrases our brain uses to give it a split second to come up with it's next statement. On the way home from work, I was listening to an interview on NPR concerning the whole public sector union stuff going on. The person being interviewed sounded quite young to me but was very well informed and talked with confidence. However, he started every other sentence the term 'in as much' and this drove me nuts. The speaker would draw it out, giving it a life of it's own. After listening to that interview and having a sudden urge to drive in to a tree, my daughter's use of 'like' doesn't seem so terrible anymore...

Tuesday was our 31st wedding anniversary. It came without much fan fare and that is fine. I woke up at 3:30 a.m. unable to sleep any longer, so I got up and made potato pancakes for my husband. That was his present. He is taking me to lunch this Saturday. That is my present. (It's the milestones you have to celebrate and go nuts over; last year's 30th was done up right with the kids taking us to a concert and the hibachi grill and that was a hoot.) Since I was up and awake and showered already so early Tuesday, I decided instead of working from home like I do in the mornings, I would just go to work. I could spread out and work better in my own office after all.

I went out to start my car to warm it up because there was frost, and I did this by leaning in through the passenger door to insert key. When I stood up to come back to the house I immediately slipped on the ice and ended up under the car. It happened so fast I don't even remember falling. (Sometimes the brain knows something is going to happen that might hurt you at your advanced age, so it shows a movie with popcorn to distract you as the event happens so you don't panic.) I was inserted there under the car up to my knees and laughing. My husband opened the door to come out to warm his car up right about then, saw me in a prone position, and scuttled out the door asking me if I was OK. "Oh, honey - did you fall?" he said in a very concerned voice. "Just help me up!" I said as I laughed. He did help me up. I brushed off the snow and ice that was stuck to my pantyhose. "I promise I won't laugh until I walk away!" he said as he patted me on the shoulder then walked away, laughing.

I came in the house and finished picking the ice and snow off of myself (because when I went down my skirt went up, so all the random debris from the fall was up near the top of my pantyhose line). When my husband walked in he started laughing and said, "Best anniversary present ever - but no (giggle) really (giggle) are you OK (giggle)?"

I was outside on Tuesday night talking to my sandhill crane couple (who were across the road in the field yelling at the top of their lungs). I always talk to the cranes and I was so happy to see they were back. I happened to notice my neighbor Sue and she came over to talk (which was nice of her since I was standing in the poop pen in my jammies and slippers. Also please note that I was not worried about Sue thinking I was crazy by talking to birds because I think Sue would talk to them, too, or at least because Sue has seen pretty much all the 'weird' our family can produce by just being our neighbor).

We were talking about the lost doggie we had seen a while ago. I told her I had tried to call them to ask about it. We went on and on about our adventures to try to catch the doggie, until I said "I think it was a chocolate lab..." and she cocked her head and said, "No, it was a fluffy white dog..." and then we laughed. There were TWO different stray doggies! I never saw the little one, just the big one out back. She had not seen my stray, just her little white one that her and Ron had tried to save. That was funny. I came in and re-enacted the whole conversation for the boys.

I think the media should stop reporting on Charlie Sheen. If you or I saw Charlie ranting along the sidewalk in Chicago or thereabouts, we'd throw a few dimes in his hat and go to the other side of the street. Dear Media - Don't report about Charlie anymore, please. American public, stop wanting to see more about this. The media is only feeding the beast... (However, I do enjoy the jokes where they superimpose the image of Gaddafi on to Charlie or visa versa...those make me laugh. "My people, they love me!")

One of my wee one's classmates committed suicide. Sigh. There have been three suicides in the last year of youth with potential around here. My son was not friends with the boy, but it's terrible, nonetheless. Not only do the kids need counseling on this issue, the parents need it too! I get so perplexed by these things. It upset me enough to hold a mini forum of coworkers to get feedback...

Most of us, from the very religious to non-believers, cannot fathom ending our lives no matter how bad it gets now, or how bad it got when we were teenagers (although we all agreed that being a teenager is hard mentally because so much is going on in your head and body that it gets quite overwhelming). That answered the "God" factor in a decision to end ones' life.

Other people could identify with the kids who have done this. One coworker said he thought about it a lot as a teen. I said to him, "So you stopped because you knew all the pain and suffering you'd cause your family?" His response was, "Hell, No! I just reasoned out it was not worth it for me, but I still thought about it a lot..." So the family factor has nothing to do with the decision to stop living, either, really. 

What can we do, then, as a parent or family member when one of our teens are in crisis? How do you stop it or help them? How can you tell them it's going to be better soon and life will have it's ups and downs, but you have to keep going? HOW? It bothers me a lot.

I did talk to my youngest to remind him he has family and friends that love him. I reminded him that stuff like this just devastates everyone, not just ends the life of the person committing suicide. I tried to express how I was feeling to him. He sat and listened to me. He didn't know why a kid would want to stop "being" - he didn't understand either.

I guess all we can do is carry on...

March 7, 2011 - It dawns on me that I do a lot of thinking about life in the dog pen (or poop pen, really) and this weekend I was standing there looking at the stars when this popped in to my mind - "To sneeze, to leak, no more! And in this fit of cough what wee may come?  Must give us Poise!" I laughed out loud at myself for thinking of that (and I'm sure Shakespeare would be so pleased with the way I ruined Hamlet's soliloquy with reference to incontinence). I ran inside and made it my Facebook status as I was so pleased with myself and this blurb of humor. I am such a cheap date...

I had always assumed Taffy the cat, who is ten years old now at least give or take a year or two, was the healthy cat out of our two kitties. He is fat and happy. Yesterday, however, he barfed up a piece of spider plant he had consumed, and there on the floor was the spider plant, various chunks of cat food, and A WORM! I immediately went in to WORM ALERT MODE and made my husband keep the dogs away while I cleaned it all up and sanitized the area. Sigh. Since the dogs use the litter box as their own personal vending machine, the whole bunch will have to be tested for worms. Today at lunch I will run down to the vet's office and get four of their fecal gathering plastic things and commence to collecting pooh tonight. Ah, gotta love poop reconnaissance.

My oldest came over yesterday and bought us pizza for our anniversary present. It was nice not having to cook, but I swear that the pizza's ingredients were as follows: "Lard, grease, butter, more lard, and then some garlic..." It was ever so delicious, but I will pay today, I'm sure. Since the gall bladder came out, my stomach lets me know when I've violated its personal space and rules of consumption in unpleasant ways...

March 8, 2011 - I've done my poop farming and have collected specimens from all four critters to drop off for a parasite fecal float test at the vets this morning. Following the dogs and cats around waiting for them to crap is a lot easier, I would assume, than let us say following a human around to collect samples - but I am just guessing on that one. I wanted to yell FECAL FLOAT all day at work yesterday just like they shouted FOOD FIGHT' in 'Animal House' but I was good and did not. I said it under my breath a lot, however, and put it to music. It's amazing how many classic songs lend themselves to the words 'fecal float'...

I sat outside last night, ALONE (no dogs, cats, nor humans to be seen) in the quiet. It was nice, although not really 'quiet' as it were - there were cranes hollering in the swamp, geese hollering back at the cranes, red winged blackbirds having a party, and ducks flying over being very verbal. It was still 'quiet' for me - and peaceful. I enjoyed my bit of a sit in thoroughly.

March 11, 2011 - I had taken a handful of sanitary pads to work and threw them in one of my cupboards in my office. Two days ago, I saw one was falling out through the back and was just hanging there against the wall. Seeing this made me laugh since I had just spent some time working with male coworkers. I ripped it out from the back, shoved it in my bra, and took it to the bathroom and put it in the cabinet in there.

Today, after working with a technician from IBM, I happen to see that ONCE AGAIN one of the pads were just hanging out the back of the cupboard. "Oh, geez! It's like my own personal dispenser!!" I exclaimed. I grabbed it and then just took all of them to the bathroom. I didn't even BOTHER trying to hide them since they had been hanging out for the world to see. I humor myself sometimes.

I've done that a lot this week - inadvertently making myself laugh loudly. I work in an IT department, so the things that have humored me at work are IT related. I will spew them all forth here and make myself laugh again but it's not funny if you don't work in this type of environment... I manage web portal access for users at  my company. (Our people need to access the customer's sites to monitor things, get information, etc.) I was on one site changing my password (which one should do from time to time, from the security aspect of the fence) and noticed the user ID field was wide open to be modified. The user ID that was issued from the company was 8 billion charters long, and for some reason I thought to myself that I would shorten that user ID a bit... (Mind you, doing what I was about to do is the equivalent of changing my name to Lucretia Mac Evil and moving to another state without leaving a forwarding address, then wondering why I was not getting mail - or digging a hole as I say out loud to those around me "DON'T STEP IN THE HOLE I JUST DUG" and then turning around and stepping in said hole.)

As soon as I hit 'submit' I started laughing. I was laughing hard. Access to things are associated to 'who you are'  - your user ID. If I was no longer who I was, I was no longer able to access what I needed. It's basic knowledge, but I still did it. I dialed their help desk but I couldn't stop laughing. I explained to the tech who took my call what I did. "I'm in IT, for God's sake, and I still hit SUBMIT! Can you believe it?!??!" The tech was laughing because I was laughing. "OMG, I am an end user out of control!!" I chortled. He decided to have me log on as my new self and change my new self back to my old self, and see if it was all OK. It worked, thank goodness, but still - I knew better. He thanked me for the 'fun help call' and said it made his day. I told him I was glad my dementia amused him.

So that was the first "duh" amusement I had that was work related. My second one came yesterday. I had to bring down my main system at noon for a quickie cache battery change. You have to do these things when the tech can reach you, as IBM techs are few and far apart these days. Normally if everyone is out of the system, it goes quite fast. Of course no one is ever out of the system. So you start kicking people off. Then you systematically end all jobs and processes running. Then you put her to sleep in a nice way, do the maintenance, and push the button to turn her on. Viola!

However, before you turn her off - you are supposed to fail out the battery or whatever you are changing out, and then put her to sleep. I knew this. The tech reminded me. So what do I do? I shut her down. "Um...I needed to fail it out..." he said in a nice way. "Uh..I know. Duh!" I said as I threw up my hands in disgust at myself. "If I knew which battery it was, I could just do it and fail it out later..." He suggested "I printed the hardware info for the bad battery" I said, feeling very proud of myself for doing that.   "Oh, cool!" Of course, then I couldn't find the paper that had the location on it - anywhere. We looked.

He brought her back up in manual mode, and found out which battery it was and he failed it out. "Hmmm, now what?" he pondered. "Get me a command line and I'll shut her down" I suggested. "Hmmmmmm..." he said. We looked all over for a way to just shut her down.   "I think I just push the button off..." he said. "OK, but what does this do?" pointing to an option on the screen. "Hey, let's find out" he said. Well, what that option did was NOT what we wanted it to do as the poor girl started up in full load mode, so we had to go through the whole shut down procedure again. While we were doing that, I found the print out I had been looking for RIGHT IN THE SERVER ROOM all along. Yes, we were laughing loudly at our mistake. This took an extra half hour of wasted time. Once she was down and got her new internal cache battery, it was back up in minutes.

So what did Sandy learn from all of this 'stupid' this week? 1) It's better to be yourself than to try to be someone else and 2) sometimes it's OK to just push the button...

Sandy also learned that animals with worms can take up your whole grocery budget plus some. One cat tested positive for round worms (so you have to treat both) and one dog tested positive for hook worms (so you have to treat both). This means that 230 dollars later, we should be pretty well worm free for a while and lose some weight this week as well.

March 15, 2011 - It has been such a sad last few days. Family friend John Stolarz passed away, and that hit me hard. He was like a Dad to me. The whole Stolarz family is like a giant snowball rolling downhill - they scoop you up and pull you in and carry you along as if you were one of their own. The unconditional support and love that family oozes is unreal. I love them all very much. Many many happy memories are associated with that family and my core group of friends from that time in my life, which has been a lifetime actually. HUG.

Poor Japan! Oh my. The company that owns the company where I work is based in Japan. Mainly in Tokyo and south, but still. They could have handled an earthquake - They could have handled a tsunami - They could have handled a meltdown - BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE! When we were watching the news of 'live' events that morning, my husband walked out of the bathroom naked and stated, "Man, maybe the whole '2012' thing isn't a bunch of bull#@t after all!" That is what my coworker, Mike, said too. We have been joking about the whole 'end of the world in December of 2012' concept for two years now. ("If it's gonna end, I wish it had been this year so I didn't have to pay for a graduation party" or "We could take out a loan on December 1st and have one heck of a party and never have to pay it back..")

The Earth is just a planet. Planets have growing pains. Planets don't care if we're here or not. We're just specks of dust on the butt of a flea on this planet. If the Earth wants to move and explode, it will. Humans on this Earth are just road kill waiting to happen, basically. I can't blame the Earth for doing what it does:  It's just a bunch of rocks doing what it does best.

Still, all this stuff happening in any human life, since we have emotions and such, can be overwhelming. There comes a time when the human mind cannot comprehend what is happening and it hurts to even TRY to think about it all. Praying helps. Talking with friends helps. However, there are just times when the brain cannot deal with it all. Depression happens. Depression is not a sign of weakness nor giving up. Just sayin'...

March 17, 2011 - I will enjoy one of my moments NOT on the toilet tonight to blog a bit. The prep for the colonoscopy tomorrow morning is fully under way. It is times like these that I regret only having one bathroom... My husband has been almost giddy in anticipation of this whole event. He's had several scopes since he turned 50 and I believe he figures it's my time to suffer. I have tried to remind him about me having three kids without the aid of any drugs and gall bladder surgery and passing kidney stones and the like, but apparently that kind of suffering is not the same as crapping your brains out in his opinion.

I took my stool softeners last night as required by the doctor's instructions. Today was supposed to be clear liquid day. I woke up and had plain old coffee. By seven a.m. I was starving, so I had a hearty cup of vegetable broth. Yum! (Really, it did taste good as I was so hungry!) I had a huge bowl of lime Jell-O after that as there is always room for Jell-O. Lime Jell-O for St. Patrick's Day, as it were, plus it's the only flavor I like of Jell-O that doesn't contain a red or purple coloring which you are not supposed to have prior to the whole anal canal paparazzi event. I watched some shows on T.V. for a while, and decided that I wouldn't be hungry if I were sleeping. I took a four hour nap. I had odd dreams during that nap.

I woke up at two p.m. and had another cup of broth (beef) and another bowl of Jell-O. (By then, my body was already helping things along by removing those items as fast as possible on it's own.) I was thinking at that point that the MiraLAX concoction that I had to drink later wouldn't be bad at all!

Duh.

At six I started the lime Gatorade mixed with MiraLAX - one cup every 15 minutes.  After the third glass, I was wondering when the 'fireworks' were going to start. I had heard stories. My husband was asleep in his chair by then so I couldn't ask him when it was supposed to start. Wasn't I supposed to be glued to the toilet or something? I looked it up online, too. Apparently it would take an hour or so to start...

I coughed. It started...

As I said, the whole lime Jello-O and lime Gartorade has paid off in the festive department in the aftermath of each visit to the bathroom. I was always one to make an effort for holidays. I do my next MiroLAX cocktail at 2 a.m. 

I tell you what -  I am so looking forward to getting this over tomorrow morning because I would really like a sandwich about now.

March 18, 2011 - It is 2:14 a.m. I have started round two of the MiroLAX carnage. I have discovered the fact that having a sneezing fit during this prep phase increases the amount of laundry you have to do later...

I went to bed at 10 last night when the levee finally held and I wasn't in fear of causing flood in bed. I could not sleep. I know I tossed and turned for several hours. (I must have eventually fallen asleep because to the best of my recollection I just spent the last hour with Pee Wee Herman as a house guest. I believe it's the Gatorade causing these odd dreams.) The alarm went off at 2:00 a.m., but in this house that alarm indicates to the dogs that they can go outside, so I stood out there with them for a bit. It's quite warm, actually. I can hear peepers in the swamp already! When I came inside, I had a round in the bathroom and am amazed that stuff keeps coming out. Where is it coming from? Inquiring minds want to know.

I dozed in the chair after the last attack of colon blow out. My husband woke me up at 5:30 and I showered and off we went. After registering at the Endo place, we sat in the waiting room. A nice nurse offered Todd coffee, and I said, "I would like coffee, too, please! And a steak. Eggs over easy..."

I got called back right way after that. They go through the whole "what is your name" and "when is your birthday" to make sure you are who you are. They check your paper wrist bracelet. (I am sure someone, somewhere had a bad day and got the wrong person in an operating room somewhere to do the wrong operation and now it's required by all surgical locations to go through this check list sixty two times prior to your event.) I got in my lovely hospital gown and hopped on the bed. The nurse took vitals as she reviewed what was going to happen. "How are you doing so far?" she asked. "I want a sandwich, to be honest..."

She had to put in an I.V. drip. She tried my right arm at the bend. "I don't have nice veins, I'll warn you. They are very anti-social. If you miss the first time, it's no big deal." She missed the first time. Considering I had been putting out more liquid than a large crack in the Hoover Dam over the last 24 hours, I would have to assume I was low on the hydration side of the fence which tends to make it harder to find veins in abundance in my body. She apologized profusely. "Really, NO ONE gets it on the first try!" I comforted her, "It's OK!" She went to my right hand. She began slapping it lightly to get a vein to show itself. The Doctor doing the procedure came in to introduce himself. "I'm being a trouble patient!" I proclaimed proudly. He watched what the nurse was doing then went over what he was going to do. "Holler when you are ready..." he said to the nurse as he wandered off. "I am SO SORRY!" she said, "I can't get anything here either!"

She let out a call for other nurses. At one point I had several tourniquets wrapped around various extremities and four nurses around me slapping on various parts of my body looking for an indication of a vein. The whole time I was joking with them. I don't have issues with needles so this wasn't a problem for me, but they all felt bad. The one nurse mentioned, "You know, some people do this without any drugs..." (Suggesting, of course, that since they couldn't find a vein to pump the stuff in that I could probably go this on my own. I told them that I only agreed to do this whole thing for the drugs/mini "vacation" so they kept looking for a vein.)

When the doctor came back in (obviously a little upset with the fact I was not ready and had already put him a half hour behind schedule) and he saw I had a whole fleet of nurses smacking me about my arms and feet he also suggested the "no drug" colonoscopy. "It's mild discomfort. Studies show that really is the way to go about it - not to drug the patient..."

I agreed that if the next needle did not strike gold that we'd go in without drugs as long as they greased up the camera and bought me flowers, but I honestly was only in this for the mini-vacation factor from the narcotics and apparently the spa massage on my arms and legs from the nurses....

One of the nurses finally let out a whoop, "I GOT ONE!" from my right foot and after the drip went in, we were off to the procedure room.

In a 'surgical center' one of the rules is they must go over basic info with you AGAIN, (who are you, what is your birthday, etc) but the doctor said, "I assume we can skip the pause phase and get right at it" but the two nurses went over things anyway. They "dropped" the drugs and the doctor started. I watched the screen and he finally said, "You most likely will feel a little relaxed by now..." (He was in a hurry I would say, since he didn't even wait to insert the camera to see if the drugs were working .) I watched the whole thing and the doctor was acting as a tour guide. "I did a fine job of cleansing, if you asked me!" I offered up. I requested pictures when we were done. "You know, for the fridge," I said.

It went quite quickly and I was back out in the recovery room in no time. All that time on the toilet for such a quick procedure. Amazing. They gave me apple juice and lemon cookies because I demanded food. (I demanded steak, actually, but at that point I would take lemon cookies.) They don't let you leave for almost a half and hour to 'come out of the drug' but I was never 'under the drug' too much. I didn't feel any discomfort whatsoever so something was working, but I wasn't groggy or goofy.

The doctor came in and told me all looked good and as I witnessed, they snipped a couple of very small polyps while they were in there (I remember when I was watching them do this in the room on the screen I had a sudden urge to eat scallops for some reason) and they would let me know how they tested. "But considering how good it looked in there, I'd say you don't need another one for five years." Off he went. The nurse unhooked everything and I got dressed. My husband had to pull the car up to the door and they had to 'walk' me out (house rules) and as soon as we were in the car, I said - "Off to Burger King for breakfast, Bitterman!" Husband/chauffeur bought me breakfast.

So that was my great adventure on my days off. Would I recommend it for fun? No. Would I recommend it when you turn 50 as a preventative? Yes! The procedure is a breeze (except for the six holes I have in my left arm, right arm, right hand, and right foot but everyone in the greater tri-state area gives up their veins better than I do so who am I to complain?)

March 29, 2011 - Friday at work I was mad and upset at the world and overwhelmed and then I was in a blue funk all weekend. I thought I was just being lazy and boring (which I am) but this last weekend I was lazy and boring to the 10th power and didn't know why.  I just wanted to hide all weekend.  I did hide. I slept a lot. On a limited budget, sleeping is the only type of mini-vacation you get. As my status, I had posted on Facebook that I was "so lazy and boring I can't stand myself" and my friend Jackie said, "It's hard to follow a colonoscopy!" I posted back, "Very true. I guess I need more things prodded and removed..."

Come Monday morning it was obvious to me WHY I was so down and out. Ah, I love being a girl. My monthly cycle was in full swing. Sigh. I am fifty now and was hoping these things would space out further and further (which they have) and just stop all together eventually. It's not eventually yet...

So I will suffer all the slings and arrow of outrageous cramps and get on with life now. I am just happy it was a stealthy period and not massive depression sucking me in to a dark abyss. All weekend on television every other commercial was about the drug 'Abilify' ("...when antidepressants are not enough...") and I thought to myself, "Maybe that is my problem! Maybe I have a dark cartoon hole following me around ready to swallow me up!" But that isn't the issue and I guess I will be grateful for Pamprin and call it a win.

Some women (very few that I know of - but they DO exist) can go through their monthly cycle as if nothing is happening. They have no mood issues, they line dance, swim in white bathing suits, win triathlons, and do cartwheels in the parking lot afterwards and just breeze right through the thing. Some women have to be isolated from sharp objects or "somebody is gonna die" during their monthly due to the mood swings. Others, like myself, mix it up and no two are ever the same. Normally I'm even MORE loving and full of life and the cycle makes me a prolific writer and humanitarian. (Oh sure, I'm doubled over with cramps but all in all I am upbeat and all 'Mother Theresa' like.) Other times, like this time, I am sad and pressed to floor with the sadness and shouldn't be left alone with any red buttons that could launch missiles... Viva being female. I am just extremely happy that I am 'OK' per se. I know what is causing my sadness now. If you know, that his half the battle. I can now go forward and get over it, although I would get out of my way this week if I were you...

My wee one got his award letter from college. I forced him to go in with me by his side and do the 'next step' which was the Federal Loan counseling session and signing his promissory notes. That took a while. Sixteen pages of loan rules and questions. "Mom, do you see the pattern here? Every answer is 'true'!"  "I don't care, read it to me anyway! They might slip in a trick question!" (I was hopped up on Pamprin by then and I was drinking a beer, so I had all the time in the world. For an 18 year old male, however, it must have been a very painful process.) Of course the whole time I'm asking him if he's sure he's committed to this whole college thing. I told him I didn't mind going further in to debt for him if he was committed. "What else am I gonna do? I'd just as soon just get a job and not go to college, but you can't do that anymore!!" Desperation filled his voice. I am sure this is a hard time for any soon to be high school graduate. Real life staring you in the face and you are SO not ready for real life. I remember it well...

I had called the college's Financial Aid office yesterday morning as I was in a panic over the award letter and such. (A panic because my part of the loan was so high, mainly!)  I wasn't sure what to do! They managed to calm me down and let me know what was going to happen and when, etc. (The reason for my panic, I believe, is because I didn't have to do any of this with my daughter. She had a scholarship so "my part" of the loan was not so devastating. She told me when it was time to point and click and do things. She was very good at managing her own route to college, I just stood down and waited for instruction from her. That is not the case with the wee one. He needs guidance and help, which means now I need guidance and help.) Sigh. As Liberace once said, "I wish my Daughter George were her to help her little brother get in to college..."

This too shall pass like so much fiber out of the lower intestine. We will look back on these days in the future and laugh. In the mean time, please pass me that little blue bottle....

April 3, 2011 - Last week was a bad week for me. The period from hell did not help matters any, I'm sure. I keep that in mind when I think of how down I was for the last ten days or so.

My husband called me on Wednesday. "It's time..." he said, in reference to Muffy the cat. Muffy has been losing weight and going down hill a for a while. I don't even remember how long. He's still been 'Muffy' like in attitude and such, but health wise, he's not been good. We knew this day was coming, but when you've had a pet for 16 years, you try to avoid thinking about those things. I called the vet after we hung up and said, "It's time..." and they could get us in at 5:30. After I got home, I bundled up Muffy in a blanket and off we went.

I was surprised how well I was taking this as I cradled him in my arms in that blanket. He just stared out the window, watching things pass by. Very calm. I was calm. My husband was quiet. We got to the vet's place and in we went. As soon as I saw the girls at the desk, I started crying. Laura, who's been a tech there since I can remember and seen many of my critters over the years, gave me a look of compassion.

We got in the room and the doctor came in and gave Muffy the relaxing shot, and Muffy just was out in no time. "He was one tired kitty..." the vet said. My husband and I told stories of the great and power Muffy from over the years. We used lots of Kleenex. Then the euthanasia, and it was over. We brought Muffy home and buried him in the back yard. We came in and recounted more Muffy stories. Sigh.

We told my son (who had been gone all day for a Jazz festival and got home late). He stood there simply said, "Why?" We explained how he was suffering. The wee one went upstairs and not long afterwards, my daughter called, asking about Muffy. Apparently my son was taking it harder than I thought he would, and had posted a nice dedication to Muffy on his Facebook. When I thought about it, of course he would be sad. We got Muffy when the wee one was two, and he grew up playing with Muffy. He would 'fly' Muffy around the house in a shoe box for hours on end, and Muffy let him since, well - Muffy loved boxes. My daughter and I talked about it for a while on the phone. (She said later that since she's been away that this all seemed distant to her, but after about a half hour it hit her and she cried.) I felt heavy with grief. Most people would say "it's just a cat, after all" but Muffy was a family member. Even my husband was taking it quite hard. I have blogged a LOT about Muffy since starting this thing in 1999 - he had many adventures. He was a damned good cat.

Then on Thursday morning, I was folding clothes in the laundry room when Taffy, the 12 year old remaining household feline stumbled out to the laundry room, pooped on the rug, and walked away as if drunk. "OH MY GOD, HE'S SICK!!" I screamed out loud. Immediately I'm thinking that he had gotten in to something poisonous or the like, but Taffy had not been outdoors. I tried to think back in my head - had Taffy been acting sick? No, he had not. I called the vet as soon as I got to work. They had no openings for him, but said if I dropped him off on Friday morning, they would see him when they could. I gathered a sample of his stool, just in case, and boxed Taffy up and took him in on Friday morning. The box was HOT from his fever, I could tell, when I got him out of the car at the vet's office. They took him back and when I got in to work, there was already a voice mail from the vet explaining that "Taffy is one sick cat." Ugh!

He said that he had a high fever and when he was squeezing him to feel internal organs, bright orange urine came out, and he saw other signs which indicated that Taffy was jaundiced - sure sign of liver disease. I had stated when I took him in I was limited on money, so the doctor explained what he would do first, and I approved. They tested him for Feline Leukemia and did a urinalysis. (To narrow down the cause of the liver issue, he said that the blood panel could run up to seven hundred dollars, and I politely declined.)

He called back and said that the feline leukemia test came back with only one tiny itsy bitsy spot of a 'positive' type, and he said that he was inclined to think that it was a false positive, but nonetheless, since I had not kept my cats up on their booster shots over the years, he couldn't be sure. (He took the opportunity to mention that maybe that was Muffy's issue, as I'm sure he had been chomping at the bit to say that during the euthanasia, but of course, that wouldn't be polite.) He told me what they could do - he would send Taffy home with Prednisolone and Baytril and we could try this for the weekend. However, if Taffy wasn't showing signs of getting better by Monday, then we'd have to face the fact that he, too, would have to be put to sleep...

Taffy was ever so grateful to me when I brought him home. He got out of the box and walked around a bit. He let me pet him. The doctor had given him his morning pills already, so I just hugged on him and went back to work. When I got home from work, I went up and got him out of my son's room and brought him down for his evening pill. He wouldn't eat and he wouldn't drink. Sigh. He did, however, stay on my husband's lap and he sucked up the attention. He eventually curled up in the box I used to take him to the vet office, and slept there for the longest time. At least his fever was gone.

Saturday Taffy was out drinking water and he licked the gravy up from some cat food. That made us happy. His urine was not as bright an orange as it had been, either. He stayed on my husband's lap all morning and responded to petting but making weak grunts. (Normally Taffy is a talker - a loud talker.) We treated him like a king all day. He continued to drink more and he ate some supper. We were thrilled.

This morning, Taffy woke me up at 3:00 a.m. talking very loudly. He wanted attention. He wanted it NOW. I gladly petted him, and he followed me into the bathroom and talked to me all the way there, and talked to me while I was on the toilet, and he followed me back to bed talking the whole way. I was happy. I fell back asleep petting him. Maybe, just maybe....

Sigh. Between periods, pets, work, and life in general, it's been a very long week...

April 7, 2011 - As much as I complain about my brain doing things without my consent and thinking things I'd rather not think about, I do appreciate the fact that it does do the involuntary stuff on its own. The embedded instinct/genetic functions it carries out without bothering me about them is a wonderful thing. I would hate to have to worry about breathing all the time, especially when I can't remember why I went in to a room from another by the time I get there...

Most grocery stores have some form of Muzak playing all the time. I used to be convinced it was a way to subliminally download suggestions for purchases into our unsuspecting heads, but now I mainly ignore it when I shop. However, last night Andy Gibb's song 'I Just Want to Be Your Everything' kicked in and was playing and I have not heard that in decades. I was dancing to it when I stopped to look at a product and singing along as I went down the aisle. I am always amazed at how you can remember lyrics to a song you have not heard in centuries and generations. The fun part was the fact that other people around my age were also singing to the song or whistling. I could hear several aisles of whistlers and singers. We were all enjoying this song in a stealth kind of way and the reaction to it humored me to no end.

I don't think I've dusted my living room for two weeks, now that I look at the foggy haze on all the wood work. Wow. I would like to think of it as cosmic dust - falling from space and no fault of my own, but I'm pretty sure it just dander and skin cells and crap from us coming and going. We are PIGS.

The wee one worries me. I don't think he sees the need to procure a job like I see the need for him to procure a job. I know it's scary out there for kids. I know it is hard to find work. I just wish he'd feel it as a fire in his belly as I feel it. Sigh. They say for every 12 kids this summer, only one will find work. I also heard the McDonald's is looking to staff up to 50,000 people.. so, I suggested to him he apply at McDonalds. A job is a job is a job. Grease or no grease. Fries or no fries. The boy has to find a job.

Taffy has made an amazing recovery on antibiotics and steroids. He acts like a kitten again, but now he misses Muffy. He is ever so lonely. I don't blame him. He is constantly in our laps or talking to us, and if we ignore him when he deems it time for attention, he will get LOUDER and more 'talkative' and follow us EVERYWHERE.

April 15, 2011 - Happy Friday.  Happy Taxes are Due Day. 

I spent Sunday through Tuesday in a fog of fever. I was sick. It almost felt like strep to me, but then again, it didn't. Normally, if I get strep throat it takes me out like a steamroller at high speed for a whole week. This time it was just that foggy fevered feeling. I didn't care about anything nor anyone. I just wanted to sleep. I went to the doctor on Wednesday and he said it looked like it was just viral - he didn't see anything that would indicate to him it was other than that. By then I was feeling better, so I had to agree. (He started the visit off by walking in the door saying, "Hello Crazy Lady!" That made me laugh.) It feels good to feel better is all I have to say about that. I got through the winter without the flu and such, and I guess I had a sick spell due to me.

My daughter was home for the weekend. I feel bad I got sick on her last day here, but it was still nice to see her. I also feel bad as she came home to go to the chiropractor due to severe knee pain and the minute she walked through the door I was all over her with motherly advice. The word "attack" comes to mind when I do this. I don't mean to attack my kids. I think back to my youth and if people gave me advice then, I surely didn't listen EITHER. One must learn life in their own way. All my advice are just sounds seeping out of me. The reaction one gets when one gives too much advice is the same reaction you would get when you show a dog a rolled up newspaper. Perhaps, at times, it's best just to let life happen to your kids and stop worrying so much and attempting to shove all your knowledge down their throats... A funny note, on Saturday morning before my daughter woke up, Kia was rummaging through my daughter's suitcase - digging through it like a pig after a truffle - and ended up with my daughter's toothbrush, which I find very funny. Nom Nom Nom... Her boyfriend was up and when he came downstairs he said, "Is Kia supposed to have a toothbrush?" Hahaha - you can't punish a dog when they make you laugh so hard. (Pat suggested that we not tell my daughter that Kia was chewing on it until AFTER she used it to brush her teeth.)

I have the canopy and table and chairs rented for my wee one's graduation party. I am shooting for June 18th. He wanted it here at our house and he wanted a taco bar. I will fix other foods besides tacos, of course. I took the three days off before the party so I can start chopping and fixing things. Sigh. I was telling my husband that I feel like I did when I was pregnant. When you are pregnant sometimes it feels like you are not in your own body - that you are watching your life happen from outside (a feeling I think that keeps you from going insane during the pregnancy stage.) I have been feeling a lot like that now. I am watching my life go by as I plan and get ready for the last kid to graduate. Or, you could compare it to peeling potatoes as well - you can peel and peel but when it gets down to that last potato, you just want to chuck it and quit peeling...

April 19, 2011 - This morning I had a good, long S T R E T C H. I stretched and stretched. It felt good to stretch! I concentrated on my toes and stretched everything from there up, slowly.  (If you say a word enough times, it loses all meaning, like 'stretch')... I am always afraid at my age that if I stretch too hard and too fast something will go SNAP, CRACKLE, POP and I'll be stuck in that position until the EMTs get to the house. This morning, however, I was willing to take the chance. It felt ever so wonderful. I would have to imagine the first .08 seconds of being drawn and quartered actually felt pleasant...

I cleaned my bathroom yesterday, head to toe. We are pigs. I have known this for centuries and generations, but yesterday's bathroom extravaganza just proved it to me all over again. How can two perfectly coherent and functional males totally miss the toilet when urinating? How can so much dust and dirt build up in cracks and crevices on all the cabinets like that? As you well know, tons of space dust falls on the earth every day and it all winds up directly in my bathroom, apparently. I dread what I will find when I tackle the living room...

April 23, 2011 - 'Tis the end of my vacation. Monday I cleaned the bathroom, Tuesday I steam cleaned the carpets, and Wednesday I cleaned and moved the living room around. Our house is very small. There are limited ways to rearrange the living room, so I didn't get too creative there. I did, however, sweep up another six tons of space dust and cobwebs. Thursday I kidnapped my sister and we went to clean my Aunt's apartment. It will always tickle me deep inside how it's FUN to clean other people's houses but it just SUCKS to clean your own. Why is that, I wonder? It was fun to spend time with Aunt Jean and cleaning was just something we did in between conversations. My Aunt and Uncle looked good, they did.

Thursday night I got my hair de-rusted and cut. I was so sick of my hair. The rust builds up in my hair from our water and eventually it just stops acting like hair and starts acting like wet yarn with cat spit on it. So Terri de-rusted me and I asked her to cut about an inch off all over. I came home looking like Little Orphan Annie, my curls back in full force.

Yesterday I did absolutely nothing. I had planned on blogging and listening to classical music, loudly - and alone. However, my husband called in sick and so he was here on the last day of my vacation. I cannot complain - he has every right to have a day off too, even though I was looking forward to typing my fingers to stubs and dancing in the clean living room to Tchaikovsky. Sigh. Next time a take a week off to burn up vacation time, I will take "my" day on the first day, then spend the rest of the week cleaning... I did boil up some sugar water and put up my hummingbird feeder. After looking through past diary entries, the hummingbirds should be showing up soon.

This morning it's warm and windy and the peepers are peeping loudly. It was storming a bit when I went to bed last night. Taffy the cat wanted out, so I opened the door for him. He ran out, saw the lightening, and ran back in. Good Kitty. I'm in no mood to lose another one this soon... My friend Vickie got a new kitten, and of course that makes me want a new kitten. I will wait, however, for the wee one's graduation to be over, party had, and the summer quieted down some. As my friend Jeanine says, "When the kids leave, you get more dogs..." so I will assume we'll all see me in years to come on the Animal Hoarder show on T.V. It won't be pretty...

When I was going to the store this week, I saw what I thought was a 'Scotty' dog pooping by the side of the road. The closer I got, I realized it was probably one of those wooden things that looked like a Scotty dog pooping, and not a real Scotty dog. When I finally passed the thing, it wasn't even a fake crapping Scotty dog - it was a little phone box switch thingys that someone had hit with their car! One cannot always trust what they think they see... This was a good reminder to me, and it made me smile. (But still, seeing a Scotty dog poopin' by the road for real would have made me smile, too...)

April 26, 2011 - My fifty year old bladder is the BEST and most reliable alarm clock I own I do believe! I think all women should draw up a contract with their bladder when they are in their early twenties, however - just in case. "OK, it states here in this contract that you will NOT fall out when I'm in my golden years. If you do fall out or become worthless, you will be responsible for all costs for Poise pads and clean up..." I will have to assume that this would eventually lead to all women all over the whole world suing their own bladders and it wouldn't be pretty.

I am back to work after a dust bunny-sucking week off and I received a warm reception yesterday when I walked in to work. People were happy to see me. (Or I will assume they were...I received many hugs.) There wasn't a pile of stuff on my desk, either. (Lots of stuff in my email to catch up on, but there were no physical piles left as presents all over my office as is often the case.)

I think I am on the edge of panic when it comes to my wee one's graduation, but then again, I'm not. How do I explain it... I know the event is coming up and I know I have to plan but something deep inside of me is keeping me from running around like an idiot all worried and such. Maybe it's the previous three times I've done this - that chunk of experience is standing in my head, turning down the 'panic' button volume. "She'll be fine - just mute this panic thing and bring her in real slow like..." (I bet my mental 'experience' looks just like John Wayne, all calm and measured and comforting.)

My daughter is coming to the end of her first official year at Master/Grad School, and last night she wrote me a spastic, excited letter that made me hyperventilate just reading it. She sounded quite excited. She comes home this weekend for her boyfriend's college graduation. God Bless Amtrak, but I would much prefer jet packs - I just think jet packs would be faster...

Poor Taffy is driving me NUTS. He ever so misses Muffy. He stands on us periodically through the night, stating his loneliness is sentences such as, "Meh, ehh Meh!" or "Eh, Meh!" He wants outside but then wants right back in. The poor kitty is confused. I am so happy he got over his deathly illness so well, but now he needs a friend. All cats should come in pairs. I am holding off getting a kitten, however, until I can be around to ease it in to our way of life and/or until I can buy a cat carrier to house the poor thing in during the day where the dogs could not suck it up as an appetizer. The picture on the left was from the other night, where I ran around taking flash pictures in the dark of the pets. Taffy's made me laugh.

Holy Crap - how can single people survive anymore without help?  Gas is so high, food is expensive. No jobs to be had... Eventually, we will be forced to live in communes again as collective groups and only take the horse and buggy to town once a year (and only then if needed...)


May 6, 2001 - Happy May! Seriously, how fast can time go by?  THIS FAST!! Ugh. I think I will complain a lot in this entry. Seems the thing to do on this rainy Friday. Complain and ramble aimlessly about nothing in particular...

My daughter was home last weekend to see her boyfriend graduate from college. His family took us all out for dinner afterwards and it was a hoot. Hibachi grill - how can one not have fun at a hibachi grill? Fire, flying food - a delightful dinner. My girly will be home this month again for a visit with my grandcat Rocko. She is on break from classes prior to the summer session, but is still going to practicum during this time. I can't wait to see Rocko again. He no doubt has gotten bigger. Meow. (And YES, MY DAUGHTER, I want to see you, too!!!!)

Jake the dog has conjunctivitis or dog pink eye or a head cold or all three of the above. I am short on funds this week and can't take him to the vet so I researched on line about this issue and came up with a home brew concoction to try on the poor dog. This morning he could open both eyes and stare at me but now he is started sneezing. Sigh. The dogs are due for a vet visit next week already so I cross my fingers his poor head doesn't blow off before then. I miss my old vet. If you told him that you couldn't pay until the next week, he was like an old country doctor - "That's fine, just bring me a chicken or a pig..."

The wee one also has a horrid head cold. He stayed home for half the day yesterday and went in for the afternoon. I knew he was feeling poorly when he asked for drugs to take and went to bed at nine last night. Last night as I fell asleep, I could hear the nose blowing from the wee one upstairs and the odd sneezing from the dog on the couch. A snot symphony.

The sandhill crane couple has their baby out in the field across the road last night. I hope as it gets older that they bring the baby up. They usually do. The last two years or so, they lost their baby to foxes or whatever eats baby birdies.

I put up my hummingbird feeder the last day of my vacation in April and have seen one hummer so far. I have it closer to the house so I imagine it will take longer to drum up business. Maybe I should put up a small billboard.

Last weekend I took the push mower around the dog pen to get the very high grass, but I was not ready to 'mow-mow' as once you start, you must continue all season long. I love the smell of fresh cut grass. My problem lately is a bum left ankle area. The last few weeks I've had nothing but pain from that thing. Ugh. I preach to my daughter to 'stretch' and move so she doesn't get all sore in odd places, and now I'm waddling around like a top heavy duck. I believe it's due to my work shoes. I will blame it on them anyway. They are old and in dire need of replacing. I looked for shoes earlier this week, but apparently you have to go to more than one store sometimes. I hate shopping. I hate it hate it hate it. Plus I'm fat and any one ankle can only support so much weight for so long. Kudos to the 50 year old ankle that lasted THIS long! (Maybe if I mention it in the blog, it will give me a break...) I use ice on it, a brace on it, and heat on it. I've tried to pamper it. I take my vitamins and hope it will miraculously heal itself, but I see a doctor visit in my future. They shoot Sandys, don't they? I don't want to be such a gimp at 50 years old. It's not right. I wish I'd kept my warranty up... I suppose if you see me in a prone position in my front lawn I would stop and help me if I were you because chances are I am not sunbathing.

My oldest is going to buy me some flowers for Mother's Day. I can't wait. I will be happy to waddle my gimpy self around to look at flowers. After 2007, however, I am a bit leery. That was the year of that horrid storm that took our sheds and roof and such, and it was right after I planted my Mother's Day flowers, so I had to get MORE flowers to replace the ones lost. But life is in itself, a crap shoot - and I choose to ignore the events of the past when it comes to pansies and petunias.

My friend Jane is moving to Colorado and her last day at work was on Monday. Her husband had organized a get together to surprise her with the help of our friend Deb at work for Tuesday night. There was quite the crowd. It was very fun. (Sad, since she's leaving - Fun, because it was a good bunch of people.) She had a bunch of clothes for me so I stopped at her house after work last night. I feel so bad for them because 1)Moving SUCKS and 2)MOVING sucks. I told her that I would never move again unless I had the money to have all new EVERYTHING and just throw a match in this place as I was leaving. I hope all goes well for Jane and family. She is on a new adventure in life. Seize it, Jane!  SEIZE IT I TELL YOU!!!

Awww, my son's alarm is going off and off and off, and he has not turned it off which means he's dead asleep. Poor dude! I hope he feels better this morning. I wish Jake's eyes would suddenly clear up. I wish Jane was already packed. I wish my ankle would get it's head out of its rear and buck up and take the weight. I wish for world peace, a teddy bear, and a hug for all.

May 11, 2001 - Ah, Mother's Day weekend was wonderful. My oldest came on Saturday and took me to get flowers while my husband mowed our lawn. I went an odd route this year as I was attracted to the orange flowers for some reason. Normally I'm not an 'orange' type of person. He bought me two hanging plants and a flat of pansies (must have pansies in honor of my Mom) and some lemon balm to plant of Muffy's grave site. Then on Sunday the boys treated me like royalty, grilling me steak and making me a salad. My mother in law came over to share the meal with us and my 'son in law' stopped by with a gift from my daughter, plus he brought me and ORANGE morning star plant. Seems orange will be my theme this year! My daughter sent me some lovely soap and a fancy razor (since she hates the cheap ones I buy that she has to use when she's home) and also she sent fifty dollars for me to buy new shoes! YAY! Gimpy Sandy gets new non-gimpy shoes!!! If all goes well, I'm going to get some tonight.

On Sunday morning I made my husband cut down the poplar tree or whatever was taking over my lilacs. That thing had grown A LOT in just two years. I am not sure how it got there and I didn't ask it where it came from. I just know there was a LOT of it. It took two trips with the truck full to the brim to haul all the debris back to the burn pile. Then there was another one down the row a bit. Got him, too, but those thing reproduce like rabbits. So I was quite happy to have those out of there and get my steak and eat it too and all in all it was a relaxing weekend for me. Seriously, I did not do anything on Sunday beside the tree thing. I didn't even order people around. I just enjoyed the day.

They put batteries back in the stinky sniper spray things in the bathrooms at work. You know the ones that spray you in the head when you least expect it? You can try to sneak past them and dodge the mist, but eventually you will get hit with a blast of baby-aspirin-orange smelling scent. "Man down! I've been hit!! Call a medic!" Humans are so odd with the issue of smells. Dogs use their smells as a calling card. "Hey, smell this? Call me sometimes..." Modern humans, on the other hand, can't accept that poop will smell like, well - POOP and have to try to cover it up with stinky sniper smells so you get floral scented post-poop smells. Sigh.

May 12, 2001 - They leave a pile of cards up front at work for people who are having Birthdays and Anniversaries and everyone who passes by can sign the cards. Last week Cindy the receptionist asked if I had signed them, and since I had not I stopped and signed the cards. The first one I opened was my anniversary card and this made me laugh so I signed my own card. I wrote (and not very well, mind you, as I was laughing), "I ROCK! You are the most wonderful person at Eimo. Like a bright shining star. Love - yourself."  Mind you, this humored me to no end.

Yesterday was my 29th anniversary at work, so I got my card. When I opened it I found my boss had 'fixed' what I had written with some sticky notes:

 

I made it my background image on my work computer. It gave me hours of giggles. People asked, "For 29 years of service all you get is a CARD?" and I explained that at work we celebrate the major milestones, years of service that end in 5s or 0s. They made a fuss on my 25th anniversary and they will again next year for my 30th. The HR lady came in to say "Happy Anniversary" and we discussed the possibilities of cake for next year and at that time I also requested a stripper...

Last night we all went to get my shoes and the wee one was also in dire need of shoes as well. We went to J.C. Penny to begin with. It is the closest thing to a mall I ever car go in to. Since it is a fringe store, you don't have to go in the mall, you can enter from the real world outside. We parked on the upper level, but shoes were on the lower level. Escalator fun was had by all. My son found shoes, but they don't stock practical old women shoes. Now if I wanted to be six inches taller and look like Stevie Nicks in her heyday - then I could have found shoes. I gimped my self back to the car with the boys (and the wee one was happy as he had new shoes) and off we went to Sears. I told the boys that the shoes would be on top at Sears. They said, "No" so we parked on the bottom level. The shoes were on the top level. More escalator fun was had. They didn't have any good old-women flat soled shoes either. I thought for a moment I would be forced to waddle down the middle of the mall, which is strictly against my religion, to find shoes...

I decided to stop at Walmart instead of braving the mall walk and back in the car and off we went. No escalators this time. I found a black pair of Dr. Scholl's plain old flat soled shoes and I seized them like they were gold. I wanted tan or brown, since it is summer and with black shoes one tends to look like a nun, but I didn't care. I needed good shoes and I got them. Then I found a nice pair of tennis shoes. I didn't want to take them off. We left Walmart with Sandy Shoes. My ankle should be very happy with me and I thank my daughter profusely.

Jake the Dog has been feeling poorly, as I said before - he had the pink eye thing then started sneezing. I took him to the vet yesterday and for a mere 77 dollars they said he didn't have a fever (after it took three of us to tackle the boy and get an anal temperature) and we were given eye drops for him that should help combat irritation. Sigh. I believe we left it at, "If he's not feeling better in a week, we'll have to run some tests and..."

This morning he has been shaky and not himself. We decided last weekend that with all the pet problems we've had that we must be situated right on top of a random radon patch or something. First Muffy, then we almost lost Taffy and now Jake? Ugh. I really could kick myself for not staying in college about now, as I wanted to be a vet and I could be diagnosing my own flock of critters... I put a blanket on the floor for Jake for today as he doesn't seem to be able to nor have the inclination to go upstairs or jump on our bed or couch. (When Jake doesn't eat the nut covered tootsie rolls from the litter box, you KNOW something is wrong...)

There is road work on the main drag to our East, so the traffic by our house is HORRIBLE as people re-route around. Now would be the opportune time to have a lemonade stand or garage sale is all I gots to say about that...

May 16, 2011 - We took Jake back to the vet for another visit as I didn't like how shaky he was. My normal vet checked him over well and said he couldn't see anything really wrong with the boy. Sigh. So after another 40 plus dollars, we came back home with some pain pills (since he's been yipping when he tries to get up or down from things.) He is still snotty and is not himself. I am not sure what to do. He turns in to 'himself' when he hears Sadie, the neighbor dog, outside or any odd noises - they he's super Jake once again for a bit. For now we wait and see. I bet he has allergies. I bet he's just not good with pain, and hurt himself wrestling with the wee one or flying up and down the stairs in hot pursuit of the cat. Sigh.

There have been TONS of hummingbirds at the feeders. I have two feeders up. So far, they've not fought as much as they used to, which in my opinion is a good thing. They will eat two at a time on the feeder and no one gets hurt.

I got myself a new computer and finally decided to get her set up on Friday night. I stayed up until two a.m. getting her loaded and set up just the way I wanted. Saturday she worked OK for a bit, then she started beeping. According to the user manual, that beeps indicated a bad mother board. This upset me. Sunday I got on my work 'puter and did a chat with a tech from Dell. After an hour of testing each ram card in each slot and the like, the tech decided it was the mother board. (But then again, we knew that, but I had PLENTY of free time to dork with ram sticks on Sunday, after all...) He said a technician would be contacting me in two to three business days to get this fixed. "Where from?" I asked. The tech on line couldn't tell me. It's a mystery technician they will dispatch! Perhaps a wizard? Ugh. I am not happy. I am glad, though, that it will be a local person replacing the mother board since I didn't feel like sending my hard drive off to BFE with all my data on it...

May 20, 2011 - The last few days I've been feeling very anxious - as if I've consumed too much coffee. I feel like something is looming over me and I must run from it. I feel frustrated yet excited yet confused yet ready to conquer the world. Maybe it's rutting season for Sandys? Maybe I'm having a nervous breakdown?

Odd, really. I wonder if it's my wee one and his graduation. Probably has something to do with it. Some subliminal emotion of the last one graduating from High School? (I ordered his personalized M & Ms last night. I used one picture where he looks like the 'Church Lady' from SNL, and the famous Carol Channing photo-shopped pic which is my favorite of all times.) I have been trying very very hard not to harp on the boy since he's not a boy anymore. He needs to understand real life is what it is. Example: Last night we left to go grocery shopping. The wee one was putting on a pair of his new tennis shoes. He didn't untie them and as I watched this, I wanted to say "You need to untie those first! You need to tie them up so they support your feet! You can't march in loose tennis shoes!! You'll turn your ankle!!! " but I did not say that. I stared at his shoes for a second then looked at him and sighed, and walked out the door.  Good for me. I'm learning. Back off Mom and kick the chicks from the nest...

Honestly, at work yesterday I was near vibration from what ever feeling I'm having. I also had several hot flash attacks so maybe it's all related to old age? All I know is I feel like a caged tiger in a small space. I would not attempt to put your hand in the cage if I were you...

One of the guys at work was discussing the last Simpson's episode with me when he told me about something I completely missed years ago. We were discussing how the signs in the background or the billboards are always good for a laugh, and he brought up the episode where there was a store and the sign on the store said, "Sneed's Seed and Feed (Formerly Chuck's)" and I can't believe I missed this. I can't believe it got past the censors! I laughed about that all day...

Last week or sometime on the oldies music station they played "Timothy" from like 1971 or something. I think this was my first exposure to the concept of cannibalism. Even a pre-teen could figure out that they ate poor Timothy to survive. Nonetheless, it had a catchy tune and the part where they sing "TIMOTHYyyyyyyyyyy" in anguish is fun to harmonize with and all. I just looked it up on the internet, and they said that many radio stations banned it back then due to the subject matter! I just remember WKMI here playing it a lot. Why I brought this up, I have no clue. "GOD WHY DON'T I KNOWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww?"

Our washer died on Monday. It's tranny was going out for a while from the sound of it. Then it just DIED and stopped spinning all together in the morning before work. I hung wrung out the load in there and hung it on the dog pen to drip. I was complaining to my friend Mike at work about it on Tuesday, and he said I could have their old washer for fifty bucks. "I'll bring it in tomorrow if it's not raining" he said. My husband was worried and pacing the floor - "If he doesn't bring it in, we'll go get it!" (He only has two pairs of work jeans and he was worried he'd be stuck without clothes...) Mike brought it to the house the in the morning and plopped it in the yard for me so all was well, but I decided that I had better buy my husband some new jeans. Sigh. We did that last night. He got two more pair so panic doesn't have to prevail if an appliance doesn't function.

Guess I'll get my anxious butt in gear and get ready for work. Viva mental instability!!

...and later that day....

I bought myself some 'Oat Revolution' instant oatmeal by Better Oats. I am pretty sure they just sweep the parking lot and put all the twigs and pebbles in those packs. Oh, I've been eating it mind you, but I can guarantee that those flax seeds and shards of granite are coming out JUST as they went in, boy howdy. The other night when I flossed before bed, I found this huge seed stuck in my back molars. I was mesmerized by the size of it and HOW DID IT GET THERE AND I DIDN'T NOTICE? Cripes, terrorist could smuggle in weapons between my teeth if that seed was there all day and it did not bother me....ugh.

I was all wired earlier today, but now I'm just worn out and tired. My several day burst of spaz has passed. Now I just want a blanket and a teddy and to sleep. Maybe I was all excited about the rapture this weekend. Kudos to them if they nailed the date and time and such, but last I read the Bible, I believe Jesus said that we humans couldn't know the date and time - it would just 'happen' (so in other words, keep your poop in a group and be good, you humans you...) Nonetheless, I hope they have a nice weekend waiting. It's always good to get together with friends and if it turns out these doomsayers are correct, then I'll be a monkey's uncle and I will be the first to admit they were right. Someone told me the other day they had a relative that was running up his credit cards because of the whole Mayan "end of the world" thing next year. "I won't have to pay it back, so I don't care!" this person says. Really? Seriously? Ugh. Humans. Now if I could CHOOSE between the two 'end' dates, then I would choose this weekend because that would mean I didn't have to throw my wee one a party and all, so that would be one less thing to worry about.

Before I forget again, Jake the dog seems MUCH better now. He is perky again and greets us at the door once more. The miracle cure was Vaseline. His nose has been so dry and crusty and sore from sneezing his poor head off that I noticed his nose could be mistaken for preserved mastadon skin left out in the sun. I started putting a little Vaseline on it, and viola! The dog seems like new again. Geez. I could have saved 130 dollars on vet visits by just using a smidge of petroleum jelly?? Damn you fossil fuels!

May 24, 2011 -So, I've killed my cat. Oh, Taffy is still alive and doing seemingly fine, but I took him for booster shots and a recheck from when he was so sick and he does have feline leukemia virus. Sigh. The vet said it could be months or years before it takes him. This is all due to my stupid mental process that cats are self maintaining and pretty independent, and don't need yearly booster shots. The last set of boosters Taffy had was in 2005! Ugh. I suck. In the mean time, Taffy plays and acts like a kitten again after the fever bout he had. I will enjoy him whilst he's still here. Hopefully he doesn't grow a thumb and go on a revenge stabbing spree while I'm sleeping.

At least the vet didn't bring up (again) "...that is probably what got Muffy..." I appreciated that, but you could see it in his eyes. My daughter took Rocko in for boosters, too. The vet gave us 'cat report cards' and Rocko passed with an 'A' and Taffy had an 'A-' but on the bottom in the comments section he had a frowny face and the words "feline luk vir" next to the frowny face. My daughter and I were talking later about the visit, and we were laughing because the vet said, "It's kind of like a human going to the doctor and finding out he has full blown AIDS..." We both agreed the vet needs some bedside manner's re-training. Sigh. Now, to keep Rocko and Taffy apart until they go back to Chicago...

My cousin David was in Joplin, MO when the tornado hit. ARGHHHHHHHHHH! He was only a few blocks from the tornado and escaped, but I can only imagine that if he is from my gene pool, he would have crapped himself repeatedly seeing that monster blow by...

Got a lot done over the weekend. Saturday I hired my wee one to do yard chores for me while I mowed a bit. Then when hubby got home, made him finish mowing while I planted some flowers. Not many, mind you, but enough to color up things a tad. I am no landscaper, this is a documented fact. I am lucky to remember to water the poor things. On Sunday my oldest took us to dinner at Texas Roadhouse. Even though I do not like country music, and that was playing loudly, I did enjoy the family time and the delicious steak! Yum. It is always fun to herd the the family. My poor son has been working 12 hour days at work, so seeing him gets harder and harder. If I worked 12 hours days I'd not want to go anywhere on the weekends. After dinner the kids all went to a movie and we went to get paper plates, cups, and crap for the wee one's graduation party. I REALLY need to start working on the invites, huh?

Today I go to the doctors to find out what the heck is wrong with my left ankle. It's swollen twice the size of normal now after the weekend working in the yard, and hurts. I can stand pain, and have stood this pain for nigh on two months, but finally I threw in the towel. Something isn't right. I am waddling worse than a drunk penguin. Sigh. New shoes helped for about a week... I am sure I have plenty of male coworkers that would gladly put me out of my misery. I didn't turn it, I didn't fall - I may forget where I park now and then, but I would remember falling and hurting my ankle. I don't sleep walk, so it didn't happen then... sigh. My warranty is up, of course everything is going to fall apart now.

The wee one is having a hard time getting through the last few days of High School. Everyone does, so I can't yell at him. He is just so close to the finish line that he's barely moving toward it. I remember those days all too well.

May 25, 2011 - I went to the doctor for my ankle. It was nice and swollen for him. When he sat down to look at it he waved his hands around it like a crystal ball and said, "I see Sandy turning her ankle on a midnight run to the fridge..." This made me laugh. After explaining the progression of my gimpyness, he sent me over for x-rays and some blood work to determine if it's gout and/or arthritis or the like. Plus, maybe x-rays would show small gnomes or elves living in there. The ankle had a 'fever' of sorts - hot and all. He told me to treat it like a sprained ankle, which I have been. Ice on it and bracing. I did stop and get a real ace bandage for it, as those you have more control over where the pressure is on the boo boo - where as the pull on full brace things I've purchased are more just expensive socks. (I had told the nurse to listen for a gun in case the doc decided to put me out of my misery...)

Mike at work had a hoot with the possibilities of it being gout, and I became "Gimpy Gout Girl" for the day and was addressed as such. I looked up gout, and boy howdy anything that may contribute to gout  - I gots it. I thought gout could just be in your big toes, but apparently gout can hit any joint it pleases. Go gout. We'll see, though - maybe all the fun with the word 'gout' is for naught and it's something else. The blood test will show if my uric acid levels are too high...  (Oh and uric acid crystals are what cause the pain in gout, and they are apparently like little tiny ninja death star things with points and such. Hence the pain...)

Tonight is the wee one's last concert as a High School student. I will have to assume he's still "employed" as a student since he's not up yet for his school day. I told him a long time ago (once he turned 18) that he had to get up on his own for school like a big boy. No sounds from him as of yet, so I'm going to take my shower and go to work and if he's tardy or the like, oh well. I sure hope he doesn't screw up his graduation since his custom M&Ms are on the way here...

Taffy the cat doesn't seem to hold any grudges against the fact I am the cause of his imminent death with my poor parenting skills with the lack of vet care over the years. He is happy as ever and plays and I am on a death watch. This sucks, but hey - by all rights life is a death watch for all of us.

Ah, life from the boy after all...I should have gotten in the shower whilst I had the chance. Darn it.

I was quite upset last night in a motherly sort of way with the wee one. He took off with friends and didn't tell us where he was going or when he would be back. I remember doing this to my parents, but back then there were no cell phones and such. (Excuses, excuses!) Sigh. Paybacks are hell. He is a good kid, mind you. All my babies are good babies. I just have this level of expectations and when they are not met, I get upset. I complained to my daughter, and she was very good at soothing my anger. The anger is kind of gone this morning although I am still chomping at the bit to smack up side the head due to the fact he has 25 scales to complete for band testing to "pass" and he's only done eight of those. For a boy who's Mr. Band Geek to the Stars, I find this perplexing. I text-ed him yesterday and told him if he failed band because of those (blankety blank) scales, I was NOT signing a college loan for him. Ugh. Perhaps this is why people spoil their grand kids so the grand kids go home and torment their parents who in fact tormented their parents and it's an evil circle of life in a way.

May 30, 2011 -  Ah, Mother Nature. Big Storm last night. The power is still out. We are running on the grace of our old generator. I keep checking the website for our power company, and the number of people without power in our county keeps going up and up. When I checked it this morning it was at 312, now it's at 393...

So, let us recap the last few days, shall we?  The doctor called and told me on Friday that my x-rays showed intense swelling in my ankle, but no fractures nor breaks. The blood work showed I had normal levels of uric acid so it wasn't gout and the arthritis blood work was normal as well. "You just have a sprained ankle!" he said. "I didn't SPRAIN IT!" I reminded him. Nonetheless, I must treat it as a sprain and stay off of it and keep it elevated and iced to reduce the swelling. If it's not better in four weeks, he said, come back. Ugh. I would remember had I turned my ankle, really I would. I might forget where I park from time to time, but come on - a turned ankle sort of sticks out in your memory.

Got out of work early as they normally let salaried people go early on a Friday before a long weekend. Most of the time I don't get to leave early, but this time I decided I WAS LEAVING WHEN THEY SAID WE COULD LEAVE. I came home and took a shower and got ready for dinner with two old elementary school buddies from many moons ago... It was fun to sit and talk and laugh at how life has thrown us all curve balls over the years, but you just catch the ball and throw it back and get on with life...

Dinner was wonderful and I left there at 7:30 to pick up the family and we headed over to a local saloon to see my son in law's band called 'Loose Change.'  We just don't go 'out' anymore like that, but we had no excuse to stay home since they were just playing down the road. We ended up having a hoot. My girlfriends from dinner came and so did our neighbors, Ron and Sue. The music was excellent. The beer went down well. Too well... The whole family was there, even the wee one, so he ended up being our designated driver. Since I was supposed to stay off my ankle and keep it elevated, of course I decided it was only logical to dance a lot. Duh. Smooth move on my part. I didn't move much. I danced in one place best I could, but I still got up and shook my groove thing to the best of my gimpy ability. Once should always shake their groove thing to good music, and that band was good music.

I couldn't believe it when the band announced it was their last song... "What time IS it?" I yelled at whoever was handy and listening. It was 1 a.m. I have not been out that late in ages and ages... We all bundled in the car to come home. My daughter instructed her brother to drive smooth, as she felt like she would throw up. We teased her a lot on the way home, "Awwww, did someone drink too much?" When we got home she laid on the couch and told her little brother to bring her a trash can and the upchucking began. I held her hair and all the while we're still all in the living room yakkin' away like a normal family. A little puke does not deter us. Personally I felt fine (I thought to myself) and was proud that I could 'party like I used to' and all. I spoke too soon...

Saturday my daughter and I had a hair appointment. Saturday morning when I woke up I felt pretty good, but my stomach was a bit on edge. I did not want coffee, I did not want food. I sipped on water. I just felt 'fuzzy' but OK, I thought. When my husband got up, he asked me a question and I turned to him to respond, cough and then barfed all over. Not a pretty sight. (I am still laughing at it though, since it was so stealthy of my stomach to wait until I was going to say something to someone to eject it's contents.) After that little session I drank more water and sat in my chair and thought to myself, "Oh, now I remember what it feels like to over indulge..." I couldn't face the prospect of sitting at the hair place getting my hair colored and all those fumes. (Gag a little...) I asked my daughter (who said she was dry heaving all night but "felt fine enough to get her hair cut") if she would mind if I sat this hair fest out. I left my hair dresser a voice mail confessing my antics the night before and crawled back in to bed. I slept until 4:30 Saturday afternoon. Hahahaha.  Felt fine, though, when I got up and THEN I was ready for coffee. One full day shot because I had to act like I was 25 again. Still, all in all, it was a riot and I am glad we went to see the band and it was fun to spend time with the whole family. My husband even danced with me, which rarely if ever happens... The kids all went to spend the night with their big brother and my husband and I went to bed by 10 p.m.

Sunday we got a lot of work done around the house. My husband got all the mowing done and I cleaned inside the house. I stayed inside as my ankle was swollen to the size of Pluto. After I cleaned the house I put ice on it and propped her up, apologizing profusely about abusing her on Friday night. My ankle was not speaking to me. We saw early in the day a line of storms on the way to us. Our neck of the woods was in the 'danger zone' as it were. As it got closer and closer, I drew water like a good girl. The kids wanted to have a barbecue so they had bought stuff to bring to the house and all, but as the storm approached I was sure we'd end up fixing it all inside. My daughter and her boyfriend arrived with all the food. One set of chicks in the nest. (Pat, however, left right away because he had to feed his parent's dogs. He left before it got really bad at my daughter's prompting to do his duties! Talk about being worried. "I sent him out to his death!" my daughter kept saying.) The wee one was en route home in his car. He pulled in to the driveway RIGHT in front of the wall of wind and rain. You could see it coming. He ran in the house and we shut the door and WHOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHH. He was wired and in a panic. He told about his drive home, how dark it got and how the trees were bending and he was worried and all.  Phew - second chick in the nest. My oldest was in his basement during all of this as northern Kalamazoo county was under a tornado warning by now. He decided he'd stay put until after the sirens stopped. The funny part of this all was the fact that my oldest had the tornado warning and our warning didn't come until we were all under direct storm fire. The rain was fast and furious and hammering the house. The trees were bending. The power went out. (My daughter got a hold of her boyfriend and he was sort of trapped in his own neighborhood by fallen trees and storm debris, but he was OK.)  We could hear the sirens from town by now, and it's always good to hear the sirens once the majority of the storm has passed to your East....

So during all of this we kept track of my oldest by text and cell phone, although I had plugged my old hand set phone up so we could still make calls, and my wee one had the hardest time dialing it in the dark and got the wrong number twice. He was trying to call his brother to be sure he was in the basement and all, but kept hitting '8' instead of '0' and since he was already nervous as all get out, it didn't help, I'm sure. When he would get the wrong number, he would just hang up and laugh hysterically. "How do you dial thing thing?!?!" The house had had dialed incorrectly several times called us back, and I answered. "Someone keeps calling us from this number and we don't know who it is!" the lady said in an accusing way. "That was my teen-aged son, and I'm sorry, ma'am. He's not used to old fashioned 'real' phones and dialed your number by mistake. He was trying to contact his big brother to be sure he was in the basement and all during this storm..." She said she understood now, and wished us well and hoped we'd all be safe. When I got off the phone, we all burst out into laughter again. It's the little things....

After the majority of the storm was over and past us, my husband decided to go see if any limbs fell in our yard and walked outside. He leaned back in and said to my wee one, "Um, you may want to turn your car off there dude..." In his panic from that scary drive home the wee one had left the keys in his car and his car running. We laughed hysterically again. As he headed out to turn off his car a bright multi-directional extremely bright strike of lightening banged in the sky and both my husband and youngest flew into the house. Hahahahaha.  We figured the wee one's car had been running out there through the storm and all for about 45 minutes.

Without power and all, we decided to take the party to my oldest son's house (who still had power). We bundled up the grill and the food the kids brought out and away we went. There was no storm debris up by my son's house. The first place to have a tornado warning, and they didn't get squat in the way of damage. We had a lovely supper of hamburgers and steak and brats topped off with delicious chocolate cake. My ankle was VERY MAD at me, so my husband and I headed home.

There is a lot of damage directly to our South and to our East. There was a confirmed tornado in Coldwater (way South of us) and they are determining if the line of damage in Battle Creek was in fact a tornado. My husband jury rigged the water pump up to the generator so we could take showers, and I can hear the old girl laboring out there... Suppose I'll sign off here in case the generator decides to explode. At least we smell good.
  June 3, 2011 - Ah, June. Already. The passing time amazes me if I ponder it, so I tend to try to avoid pondering the passage of time, and just enjoy it best I can. Really, as humans, that is all we have. If you sit and think on the concept of time and space and all, your brain will explode and you know YOU are the one that is going to have to clean it up.

My BFF had her 50th Birthday. I didn't even get to call her on her Birthday due to lack of power from the storms. I wish she were up here. In a way, maybe I'm glad she's not. We tended to get into some trouble back on our day. Of course, if she was here NOW, we are older and wiser and would know better. I look forward to the time we are old ladies on a porch in rocking chairs shooting paint balls at the neighbor kids...

Went to my last High School Band Banquet with the wee one last night. (My butt was not meant for cafeteria seats. They assume everyone weighs 12 lbs. My left cheek alone is over that!) Still, it was fun and the food was good and I am proud of those band kids. They do love their music and show it. The parents that help the band love their kids and the support is an awesome thing. I wonder if the kids know what the music means to people? I wish they could feel the feeling I feel when I'm feeling it as I listen to them play. (Say that three times fast!) I was blessed with three awesome kids who all played trombones, and I hope they keep that love of music their whole life. Continue to make joyful noises, my children, all your lives through.

I have decided that my genetic makeup is sorely lacking in the "girlie" department. I see women who actually take the time to coordinate colors in their clothes and it amazes me. I see people who match their underwear to their socks and shirts. This concept eludes me. I see people who can control their hair - where as mine resembles Marty Allen's or Don King's hair the majority of the time. Sigh. I realized this morning when I ran to the store that I actually use my sunglasses as a fashion accessory. (Even if your hair looks like porcupines are nesting in it, just shove your glasses up there and you are good for a night on the town!) Sigh. I guess it doesn't matter, really, how I look. I am me and always will be. Wild hair or paisley with polka dots, I ams what I ams. (Apologies to my poor daughter who grew up with a mother who assumed braiding hair meant getting out a staple gun...)

I have learned many new things this week at work. Not because I wanted to, mind you. More of a 'have to' sort of situation. My whole entire adult life has been spent learning and now I kind of like it. So many things to learn and only so much gray matter to contain it. At my age when something new comes in, something old has to leave. I don't remember how to flush the toilet anymore, for example, after yesterday's learning extravaganza... But I love the process of finding out new things and appreciate it (even if my head fell of in the process from the stress).

The dogs are so full of it this a.m., prancing around the pen and body slamming each other. I left them out there to get it out of their system. I can hear them now mauling each other. They will come in covered with slobber and ready for a nap.

Some critter tore up one of my planter's by the dog pen. Sigh. I miss Muffy. It's obvious now that Muffy was the KING of yard critter control. The moles are horrid now and the mice are terrible in the sheds. I miss my Muffy. A sophisticated barn cat, Muffy was. He may not have always drank beer, but when Muffy did, it was Dos Equis...  I found two dead mice in my watering bucket this morning. they must have climbed in and the slick sides defeated their escape. Apparently to help replace Muffy I am going to have to outfit all my sheds with plastic buckets.

June 6, 2011 - Ah, a lovely weekend it was. The neighbor had some great-grand kids over and they were playing with a plastic push car in the yard. I would like to report that since that little car has been in that yard, my dogs have been on high alert. Boy, howdy - that car has not moved since the dogs have been barking at no doubt it's due to the fact it is so scared of their watchful barks. Duh.  My dogs are not that smart sometimes, but at least I know I would be safe from an attack of plastic kid's toys.

My wee one has graduated. Pictures below. I cried a few times during the ceremony. Of course I'm gonna cry. I'm a Mom. Of course I'm gonna cry, it was the last one. Of course I got a sunburn on the left side of my body due to the high, burning sun in the sky. (Yes, I did wear sunscreen. It was a new kind. I spent the two hours in the stadium wondering who had the odd perfume on. It wasn't perfume, it was me and my new sunscreen. Now my memory of my wee one's graduation will always be associated with that smell. Wish I had picked something that smelled like coconuts.)

So, the deed is done. Now to live through the party later this month. Contented sigh. My oldest took us all to Pizza Hut after the ceremony to celebrate the wee one's day. We ordered the same way we normally do when we have my daughter and her boyfriend with us. It was quite funny - four people ordering for six. Force of habit. We brought home a lot of food. When we went to Pizza Hut, I threw on a pair of black shorts that had blotches of blue paint all over them. My husband stared at me for a bit. "Is that what you are wearing?" he asked in a way that said he wished I wasn't going to wear it. "Yes, I am!" I said defiantly. I actually wanted to blurt that I was a card carrying member of the AARP and my last kid was a graduate and I was DONE and I could wear bunny slippers to Pizza Hut if I wanted... Of course, with my fashion sense as severely mutated as it is, I thought the blue splotches of pain on the shorts went well with my blue shirt.

After I went to bed last night, I started sneezing and coughing to the point where I had to get out of bed so I wouldn't drown in my own snot. I came out to the kitchen and drank some water and coughed and hacked more. My throat was scratchy and it felt swollen. I figured if it eventually blocked off my air way that I would attempt to meander in to the bedroom and drop dead on my husband since that may inspire him to call 911. There were times inhaling was a challenge and I was making that whooping cough suck for air/life sound. For a split second I thought to myself that I was having a reaction to something or this was just my time to shuffle off this mortal coil. (I had hoped for something more sophisticate, such as dying while jumping out of a plane or flying in a balloon over Lake Michigan, but hey - who are we do choose the time?) I kept myself calm as the waves of goo flooded down from my sinuses and up from my lungs. I chugged down some Alka Seltzer Cold Plus (thinking it had an antihistamine in it and that would be the fastest way to get it into my blood stream). Sigh. After about an hour of the worst flow of mucus my body has ever had to deal with, I was able to go back to bed and get some sleep. Ack. This morning I've had a few bouts of the hacking/snorting but not like last night. My wee one just got done with something like this and people at work have been sick with upper respiratory stuff. Plus it's allergy season, after all. I would like to choose door number one... Ackkkkk sniff snort...  (And if I do end up killing myself by choking on my own phlegm, please stuff my body in the gondola of a hot air balloon and shove me over Lake Michigan and THEN call the police...)

June 9, 2011 - The other day I swear I heard people talking outside in the front near the bird feeder. I looked out of the window and there were six of the largest black crows I've ever seen, all sitting around the bird feed on the ground, playing cards, smoking little cigars, and chattering like women. Seriously, though - those birds were HUGE and making the oddest noises/conversations. It made me laugh. I yelled at them to go eat roadkill instead of my bird seed.  They did not seem to have much respect for me. Stupid birds. HUGE I tells ya - HUGE. Yesterday there were some hanging out at work in the shade of the little maples out front. Sitting there, panting, but looking HUGE. Forget a zombie apocalypse, I think Alfred Hitchcock nailed it with the movie 'The Birds.' We are doomed if they form a union...

I like work when it's an 'under pressure' situation. (OK, I retain the right to withdraw that statement the next time I have a meltdown over the pressure, but all in all...) I had a bad day on Monday with PMS (we are assuming it's PMS but the results are not conclusive). I hate crying when I'm in that mental state as you start crying about one thing and then you cry about every other thing EVER and you weep like are a large balloon pricked with a pin. Sigh. I tried to blame my red eyes on allergies, but that only worked with the people who also had red eyes from allergies and they were very sympathetic.

I took the wee one to start his savings/debit card account on Tuesday. It took almost an hour and 10 minutes to fill everything out and such. By the time I got back to work I had to pee SO BAD that I barely made it to the bathroom. One I got in there, I let out a loud "OH MY GOSH THAT FEELS SO GOOD" and could hear people laughing in the hallway. I am glad I made people smile and I am even more happy I made it to the toilet...

I had a moment yesterday morning that gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. I was standing and stretching between my little living room and little kitchen, and I saw something up on the furnace thingy stuck up there with a magnet about Senior High School stuff. I smiled and thought to myself, "Well, don't need THIS anymore!" and I took it down. They I went on a rampage pulling down all the schedules, calendars, etc. that were hanging about related to High School. It kind of felt, well - good.

I am a great supporter of the movement to ban bras if there is an ozone action day alert from the local weather stations. The heat the last two days has been, well... HOT. However, after two days of having the air conditioning on at home we finally got to shut it off this morning and open the windows. Thank you, Cold Front. A storm went through apparently, but I did not hear it. To our North people are without power. To our South there is a nice yellow/red blotch on the weather radar. All I know is that the breeze streaming in through the open windows feels ever so good and I plan on getting on the back of the couch with the dogs to let my head hang out the window to enjoy it. Woof.

June 16, 2011 - Holy Carp! (OK, I meant to type 'crap' but hey - carp is funnier.) It's been a while since I updated. I had worries there for a while that my life was too boring to report on. Then this morning it dawns on me, "Who Cares!?  Sometimes Life IS boring so type why don't you?!" So I will type.

Let's see, what has happened? The neighbors to the north decided to burn the entire contents of their basement in their back yard the other day. Apparently spring cleaning to the tenth power. The black toxic fumes spewed forth through the neighborhood and it was not pleasant. Mind you, we've had our share of bon fires at this place over the years, but we try to plan them on nights that the wind blows East to the empty field behind us. I don't begrudge anyone a bon fire. I just don't recommend burning mattresses, books, drum sets, used cars, baby strollers, and possible barrels of nuclear residuals so close to houses with humans still living in them. We had to seal up the house for a day or so. Uck.

My friend Reva from Texas and her husband, brother in law and sister in law stopped in on Sunday. I love me a Reva. I worked with her when we had a plant in Texas, and she and I were like two peas in a pod. You know when you find kindred spirits that you should hold on to all your life, and Reva is one of those spirits. They were going to tour Michigan and Canada on their vacation, so they came by. It was a hoot to see them, and I will once again stress the fact that I love me a Reva. Smile.

This week I was blessed with my 'monthly' and I have to say that, to date, it has been the most emotional one I've had in my 50 years on earth. One second I was plotting the death of my coworkers and the next I was wondering how to airlift food and water to starving people in Africa. I hate that imbalance in my mind. My mind already walks a fine line between weird and weirder, so it does not need any assistance from a rouge group of hormones that only come out once a month to poke me with a stick and set my mailbox on fire.

My wee one called me on Tuesday at work to report he was home from college orientation. They spent two days getting to see the college and they spent the night in a dorm and then registered for fall classes on Tuesday morning. When he called he was quite fired up about college and talked and talked to me like AN ADULT for perhaps the first time ever, and I started to cry listening to him. I had to close my door at work, since I was crying. "Geez, Mom - why are you crying!?" he lamented. "Because you are all grown up and you just sounded like a real grown up and you well, you are MY BABY!" I told him. I am happy he seemed excited about the future. I was just so thrilled to talk to him like I can talk to my two oldest kids now, but it is still as emotional as the first time they walked, talked, or pooped in the toilet by themselves...

I am off for three days to prepare for the wee one's graduation party on Saturday. Yesterday I went and got the bulk of the fixings for his taco bar. I chopped and chopped and made a large batch of salsa. I love salsa. (Personally, if I were a doctor I would prescribe fresh salsa and masturbation to all my patients as it would cure many of the ills in the world. I highly recommend not using one and then doing the other in the same fell swoop,) I wore rubber gloves when I did the jalapenos chopping, but my face still burned from the vapors they emit. I forced the wee one to take a sample for testing over to neighbor Ron. I did not hear screaming nor hear an ambulance, so I figure we're good to go on the salsa. I have 25 pounds of hamburger to fry up tomorrow night and turn in to taco meat. I was going to chop and do the fruit and veggie plates myself, but I decided to let a few bills slide instead and I ordered those from the local grocery store. My only hope now is that the weather is good to me on Saturday. Our house can hold a total of 16 people standing up, so the weather has to be nice and allow people to be outside under the canopy.

I finished the wee one's poster board (where you post all the pictures of their life up until now.) I so forgot to get the Carol Channing picture on it! I can't believe I forgot it! Maybe I will do an 8 x 10 of just that shot and hang it up. People have to see it since his custom M&Ms have that photo on it! Smile.

My friend Linda got me a gift certificate to get a pedicure for MY graduation present. Smile. I went yesterday morning. I've never had one. I couldn't verbally understand the poor girl doing it. She would chatter on now and then, but I just shook my head a lot and relaxed. I did NOT know my toes could look so normal. I am six inches shorter, however, from all the callouses she grated off the bottom of my feet. (I tend to go barefoot outside all the time, even in winter and during volcanic eruptions.) I did not request a nail painting, since I just don't do that sort of thing, but I was quite impressed with the fact my toes looked human. I tipped the nice lady well....

I have been having issues with my left ankle being swollen and sore and making me gimpy. The doctor said it wasn't gout or arthritis, just a sprained ankle. Being a woman of considerable size, I am still convinced I would remember TURNING MY ANKLE since that would involve me bouncing around after I fell from the pain and all, but what do I know? The ankle has been feeling better and better, and I've stopped wrapping it in ACE bandages and stopped icing it. Now, my right knee has been almost keeping me from moving. Really, I wish I'd kept up my warranties on my body parts after I turned 50 years old. It would have been so worth it. Since I already knew I didn't have gout or arthritis indications in my blood stream from my ankle doctor visit, I just decided to treat my bum knee on my own. I could barely walk there for a few days from the pain, and I can take a considerable amount of pain before I whimp out. This time, however, I think I know what I did to the poor thing... I was working in the yard two weekends ago and crawling around and I could feel something 'pull' in that knee. I remember saying something to the effect of, "Boy howdy, that's probably gonna hurt in the morning." I was correct. I am not sure what I did to it, but it has been quite swollen and sore and mad at me. I have iced it and wrapped it and at night I wear a knee brace. I've tried to baby it best I could. It actually feels better this morning BUT that was only because I was running in and out of the front door last night and it had rained and I was, of course, barefoot, and I came in the front door and slipped on the linoleum. I did a marvelous squat thrust to keep from falling. I believe that helped snap the muscle that was pissed off at me back in to place. (Plus it made the boys laugh as they were sure I was doing it all on purpose when I came through the front door in such a grand 'ta da' fashion.) Now this morning it's just the muscles from my ankle to my knee that are making themselves known, and I'm sure that's from all the issues with my knee for two weeks. Sigh. I am pretty sure I should start researching Rascals or Scooters soon...

June 19, 2011 - Ah, it's over!  The wee one's grad party is a thing of the past. I think it went well. Parties like this and Sunday dinners always amaze me. You plan and prepare for a long time and it's over in a heartbeat. Did I mention this is my last one, however? I like the thought of that. No more!

Sadie, our neighbor's dog, came over and was being social at the beginning of the party. We had our dogs out on chains in the front so they could see people, but they are not allowed off the chains as they tend to run off into the sunset at high speeds. Sadie, on the other hand, wanders around several of our yards and stays in her area. Sadie can be in public. We were all so impressed with how fun she was that we started telling people she was our dog. "Is this lovely dog yours?" "Um, yes! Yes she is! She's the 'good' one..."

Back on the day of my son's graduation, one of the speakers quoted Robert Gallagher - "Even if you fall on your face, you are still moving forward." During the party yesterday I had to demonstrate this quote physically for all to see. My left shoe lace caught on one of the awning stakes and I started to fall. (This is why I'm an advocate for going barefoot. Shoes will attempt to kill you when you least expect it.)

When one falls, one tends to stop time and mentally prepare oneself for the fall. I did that. I saw everyone's face frozen with an mouths agape as I started my decent. I knew that trying to stop myself can have damaging results at my age. I decided to just let it happen. I knew it was going to hurt. My knees took initial impact. (Thanks for taking one for the team you guys!) Then I could feel that "My Nose Just Got Smashed and Is It Broken?" feeling and I got a mouthful of dirt and gravel blown into my mouth. I just stayed on the ground until the first response team came. (My sister and her daughters) who spirited me away in to the house to apply ice and clean up the bleeding.

I was hurt, yes, but felt worse for my son who had to have this happen at his party. He, however, announced to all that it "was just a full circle action" since I tripped and fell on his pant legs back at his fifth grade graduation too. The fun part was going back out after all the bleeding stopped and telling stories about the funniest falling stories over our life time. Why people laugh when people fall, I am not sure, but we do and it makes for great campfire stories. I must have spit out gravel for three hours....

My right elbow/arm is sore and swollen and I have limited motion. I think if it still feels like this tomorrow a.m., I will go in for an x-ray. My face looks a bit Neanderthal like. The bridge of my nose and and the sides are raw from the dirt and swollen. (I am sure I did not break my nose, but who "nose"?)  I have a killer bruise on my right knee. The kids kept saying, "So what does the other guy look like?" This is just one example of why old people should not partake in extreme sports - just look at what extreme falling can do to a person.

My poor sister thought I had hurt my brain as I kept talking about a "Wendy" afterward and her oldest daughter's name is Wendy but Wendy wasn't there. Hahahaha  - now I know why she was so concerned about me!  It wasn't until we talked later on the phone that we figured this out. There were two Wendy's at the party. My friend Wendy's son got a tick on his head earlier and I felt so bad about that. (Our first tick of the season.) That is the Wendy I was talking about, and my sister felt much better that I wasn't seeing visions of people who were not present. We had a good laugh.

All in all, however, it was a fun party and many people came and our family is blessed. I cannot express my thanks enough to my friends and family. If I die tomorrow (which is very possible since lately I'm on a kick of self mutilation) I would die a happy woman. I would like to thank my neighbors, Sue and Ron, for breaking their fridge to help me store stuff and my kids for helping so much and today I would like to thank my husband who is giving up his Father's Day to aid a gimpy,broken woman carry on...

June 20, 2011 - My nose damage from the fall on Saturday resembles a salamander silhouette. I am not one to get a tattoo so this is the closest I'm going to get to one, I think. I don't look forward to the questions about it today at work so I have come up with a more dramatic story about getting all this body damage from fighting off intruders to my home and I saving my family. 

My right arm is feeling a tad better, although it still have very limited motion. I have mastered the art of 'wiping' with my left hand. Kudos to me for being able to adapt.

No, I was not drunk! It wouldn't have hurt so much had I been intoxicated. I almost wish I were intoxicated prior to that little trip. I had a beer and a half as people started to arrive and had just opened a beer two hours later (that I was kind enough to share with the people in the immediate impact area) when I decided to inspect the gravel. I just put my foot where it shouldn't have gone and being a big woman, well - gravity and inertia and all... Plop. I would love to have a film of it so I could watch it in slow motion. I would liken it to possibly watching a mass of jello bouncing around. My boss brought me a Long Island Ice Tea drink when he came to the party. He mixed it for me and I sipped it. ICK. That stuff is yucky! How do you people drink that stuff? I am honored he thought of me (because I had been saying for weeks that I was just going to drink heavily at the wee one's party because "it was over" and all and he was just trying to help...) but that was an icky drink. Uck. Thank you Shawn, but UCK. Hahahaha. Plop.

Seriously, I am ever so glad it's over. I love my babies, I really do. I love how fun they are. I love being their Mom. I love how God blessed me with JUST the right amount of kids and spacing between them so they turned out like they did. I am just happy to be done with the 'events' as it were. Now, when I go to events, I can be the guest and sit in a chair instead of launching myself over awning stakes.

I can't believe the turn out was so good!!  People are awesome and I have wonderful friends and family. My kids helped so much - THANK YOU! Oh, there was a party down the road too, and we had several people stop and come up, look at the poster board for my son then get back in their car and drive away. We thought that was funny. My son said he would start to go up and greet them all the while thinking "WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!" Hahaha.

June 22, 2011 -  CafePress has a T-Shirt design I believe is perfect for me - "I do my own stunts." Hahahaha. 

I've been going to bed as early as I can to assist in the healing process of my bruised, rubenesque body along with taking an extra vitamin C a day, too. I went to the doctor on Monday afternoon to be sure I had not broken anything. He thought I was just bruised. He yanked my right arm around in some odd positions to determine this fact. Ouch. I asked for a service dog. He said, "No."

I had to try...a service dog would rock!

Yesterday I went to my chiropractor to get skeletal things put back in place. He took extra time to be sure things were back where they belonged, and then checked my right arm. He had to re-align one of my forearm bones. That hurt a little, but not much, and it felt pretty good when he was done. I still can't do anything with my right arm as it only comes up so far, but at least things are on the path to recovery. (I can itch my belly button and such, but I can't do my hair.) I have a killer bruise on the underside of my upper right arm. (Almost like a tattoo.)

I would like to thank my left arm/hand for picking up the slack during my right arm's down time. My left hand still has issues with the whole "Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey" concept but I'm sure by the end of the week the necessary brain rewiring will have taken place to fix that. I would also like to apologize to anyone who notices my beard is out of control since I cannot tweeze. Just call me Grizzly Gimpy Adams.

June 23, 2011 -  There is a cricket in my kitchen under the fridge or in that general area. He will not SHUT UP.  I must find him soon or I will go insane. He just won't shut up. I am happy he's so upbeat and all, but seriously, HE NEEDS TO SHUT UP. I am convinced it's things like this, loud crickets and protruding awning stakes, God created on purpose to annoy humans. He gets a good laugh at us when He sees a human crawling around on the floor with a yard stick yelling at a tiny insect. Even God has a sense of humor which is quite comforting in it's own way.

I talked to my BFF in Florida last night, and we ended up talking about what all fifty year old women talk about when no one is around to hear our private conversations - bunions, gout, joint pain, arthritis, and bone density. (And you men thought us women talked about sex and YOU! Unless your name is Gout, you seldom come up in conversation...) She asked me if I ever had a bone density test. I told her I think I took one on Saturday when I face planted in the driveway and nothing got broken. Smile. She also mentioned that next time I have a party like that, I need to have it in the yard, not over the driveway. The yard probably feels better on one's face as opposed to gravel...

My friend Sue told me that when I bit the big one on Saturday, it was my husband who first got to me and helped me up and got me in the house with my sister and nieces. (I thought it was just my sister, but then again, I was in shock as it were from the impact.) I appreciate the fact that he can haul his bleeding, dazed wife around and take it like a trooper. We've had bad times over the last 31 years, but times like that when I hear he came to my rescue makes me want to pat him on the head and give him a cookie. He done good. I am also VERY thankful it was me who fell and not a guest - now that I ponder it. If anyone was going to fall, it was best it was me. I can't believe how many people have come forward with their own falling stories. It brings me much comfort to know I am not alone in the world of face implantation. General consensus is - Falling Sucks. I shake my good fist at you, gravity!

June 24, 2011 -  I forgot to mention how funny it was on Sunday and Monday when the squirrels were in the driveway after the party looking for leftovers. I had knocked over a cup of peanuts Saturday and tossed them all over, plus I noticed M&Ms out there afterward, too. The squirrels were having a heyday sifting through the gravel. They would lean forward and use both front arms and splay the dirt out in front of them in search of goodies. We had a hoot watching them out there.

Someone asked me what I would do after the last kids was 'done' and I think it means I will blog more. I have lots of entries this week, and normally I do not blog this much. Not is the time I will start putting down all my wisdom in to print for future generations to ignore! I have a goal. "The Wisdom Of Sandy as She Knows It!" I can see it now - it will be famous and I will become the next Emily Post and Dear Abby all rolled into one. (Or not...the thought is nice, but if I couldn't get my own children to listen to me for last few decades, I doubt that the masses would give a second glance.)

Down the road is a car repair shop owned by my friend Jane and her husband. The businesses around that area will have 'sign' wars and try to out do each other. We like reading their signs when we drive by. A while ago, the car place had "My dog can't hold his licker" up on their sign. I laughed when I read it and about a half mile down the road my husband chortled. "I just got it" he said. I had to email Jane and tell her about that. She wrote back to tell me to tell him not to feel bad - she has those moments too. She said she had one of those jello cups in her desk drawer, you know the kind with mandarin oranges in it, and when she took it out she was poking at it wondering if the orange was frozen...  hahahaha.  See, everyone's brain is sometimes caught off guard! We should take comfort in that fact when we have those moments, since a billion people are having a billion moments like that world wide. Hopefully it doesn't get to the point where all of those 'moments' cause a ripple in the space/time continuum.

When I spell check this blog before posting, the spell checker wants to change 'hahahaha' to 'hahnium' all the time, and sometimes I've found I have actually posted that - so I had to look it up to find out what hahnium exactly is. This is what it means:  hahnium (ˈhɑːnɪəm) — n  Now called dubnium a name once advanced by the American Chemical Society for a transuranic element, artificially produced from californium, atomic no: 105; half-life of most stable isotope, 262 Ha: 40 seconds.  This is proof that my laughter is radioactive...

The wee one has a call back coming today for a temp job this summer at the place his big brother works. They are working 12 hour days,seven days a week at where my oldest works. Cross your fingers the wee one gets it. It is factory work and we've been lucky so far to get the wee one to move from a couch to a chair let alone working 12 hours days...so we'll see how this goes.  I hope the wee one finds his inner factory self and pulls this off. It would be good money to sock away for college and living.

This morning I noticed some of the things I did around the kitchen were led off by my left hand. I found this amazing. The brain can figure stuff out and put in to place an emergency plan of action in a relatively short amount of time. I like my brain. I am betting my brain was just plain grateful that I hurt my arm instead of smashing it in to the ground, so it's doing what it can to help out. I figure in about a week I'll have most of my right arm movement back, but I'm not going to push it. I continue to ice the poor thing and take it easy on her. I miss being able to put my hair in a pony tail and I miss eating with my right hand, though. My husband made us chili dogs for supper two nights ago and eating left handed left a trail of chili down the front of me. (Same when I eat my oatmeal in the morning at work, my shirt is highlighted with blobs of whole grain goodness.) The boys said that this was normal for me to do BEFORE I hurt my arm, so nothing has really changed...

June 28, 2011 -  I went back to the chiropractor for another re-alignment after the fall. I was complaining about the pain (still) in my right arm. He looked at it and asked, "Why didn't your family doctor x-ray it?" and I told him that the family doctor put my arm through various painful maneuvers and decided that it was just sprained. The family doctor had said even if the elbow was broken, which he was sure it was not, they don't usually cast that anyway, due to the fact that it just needs to hang down to heal. The chiropractor took my arm and did several of the same things my family doctor did, and I would express myself in forms of "erg" or "ouchies" as he did this.  Then when he had my right arm in an upright choke hold position around my neck, he tapped my elbow with some force. It did not hurt. I said, "Who's there? Come in!" and he laughed. Then he announced that if the elbow was broken, I would have turned and decked him with my left arm from the pain he had caused. I assume that means he is sure that the arm is intact as well. He then said, "...but you sprained the heck out of it..." which I kind of knew already from my high intake of Pamprin and other over the counter pain meds. (Pamprin is not just for your monthly cycles. If it's all you got, it works as a grand pain reliever as well for other body parts.) I have doubled my intake of Vitamin C to help the healing process, as well. People keep winking and nudging me, asking if I was drunk at my son's party and THAT'S why I fell. I have been saying "NO!" all week and now I have just decided to tell them, "Yes, you are right, I was blind stinking drunk and couldn't walk straight and didn't feel a thing when I fell... I have no respect for my youngest son and decided to liven up his party by almost killing myself..." Sigh. As my husband says, "You, drunk? Hahaha. They haven't seen YOU drunk, obviously!"

I can't wait for my body to heal. This whole pain thing is getting old. I'm not complaining too much, mind you, as I could have broken my arm/face or I could have damaged my already questionable brain capacity. I have friends and with MS and other medical issues that put them in much more pain than I am having now. I am just whining because I can't pluck my chin hairs with my left hand per se, and this beard is bugging me. I know I am a lucky woman. I could have been really really hurt, so I will quit bitching, maybe. Last night I just had started to fall asleep in a position that didn't hurt and I was actually comfortable when my husband yells loudly, "Cripes, was that YOU, woman!?!?" I jerked awake, swung my right arm up (ouch) and yelled at him, "What the hell are you yelling about?" Apparently the dog had farted and it was spreading very noxious fumes through the bedroom and he assumed it was me, since normally it IS me. "Even if it WAS me, I have been farting on you for three decades so tonight is the night you choose to express your discontent at the fact? Geez! I was almost asleep you idiot!"

After that I couldn't get comfortable in the bed, so I got a bag of ice for my arm and slept in the Lazy Boy recliner. I was there when the wee one came home from work. (YES, I SAID W-O-R-K!!) He got a temp job at the same place his big brother works! He lasted for the first day. I was pleased. Big Brother updated me in an email last night and said the wee one did quite well for someone who has never worked in a factory. Phew. I was so worried. You pray your kids have the sense to listen and do good - but as Mom, I am required by law to worry about things I cannot help nor prevent. He was tired and hot, but he survived his first day. They let him go after 8 hours to come home, but they warned that group of temps that the rest of the week would be 12 hour days. He did mention before he went up to his room that he couldn't see himself doing that for a living. (Insert parental scream of 'SCORE!' here...) I am proud that he is trying at least. I hope he appreciate hard work and the experiences that come with it, and takes that and tunnels it into his college learning this fall. Cross yer fingers...

Last night on the way home from work there were three driveways in a row on the north side of a side street I take that had a large turkey at the end of them very near the road. I prayed that the turkey revolt wouldn't start 'til I passed them all. Seriously, they all looked like feathered suicide bombers. Ugh. They make old woman take off their adult diapers at airports when they should be checking these rouge turkeys... Oh, and if someone made me take off my adult diaper, I would pee on them with extreme prejudice. Good Lord. Poor woman. Sigh. And we say the terrorist won't win? If they have made the U.S. Government so paranoid that they must strip down a wheel chair bound 95 year old grandma, I believe they do have the upper hand.

July 5, 2011 - Ah, the long weekend is over for me. I had four days off in a row, and I liked it. I thought today would be a relaxing day but I slept in until 10 a.m. (wow!) and then worked around the house instead. Slowly. My arm and knee were giving me fits after the weekend. Ice is a Godsend. I knew I like ice and snow for a reason. My husband cleaned up my wee one's room and threw the junk out the window to haul to the Herby Curby and burn pile. Oh, I forgot to mention - the wee one moved to his big brother's house on Saturday!

I think it was a good move since he's working as a temp right up there near my oldest son's house, and the half hour drive home was killing the poor boy after a 12 hour day, and we must remember he was not used to moving more than once a week (and that only to poop and restock on pop and food) so him going from zero to twelve hour days in an aluminum factory is pretty good. He was used to hard work in the corn fields, mind you, but that wasn't 12 hour days nor was it seven days a week. He will no doubt sleep well this summer...

We moved his bed up in the truck to his brother's house, and his sister's boyfriend's car and his car were packed full of his 'stuff' - which shocks me because you should have seen what was left behind. We hauled it up, and on the way up I cried. My asked out loud why it was so much harder with the boys? My husband explained that my first chick out of the nest was my oldest son, and the last one is always hard and he was male, hence the reason it was 'harder' to lose the boys. This made sense. I took comfort in that and stopped crying. After we got to my oldest son's house and the kids brought in all the stuff, I told them we were leaving right away. (I was having another moment - I had to leave.) On the way home we discussed the positive points of being without kids. (Which boiled down to eating lima beans and brussel sprouts whenever we wanted. That and not having to wear pajamas anymore...)

So that was Saturday. On Sunday we went to a party at my daughter's boyfriend's parents house. My "son in law" plays in several bands and they were going to play on Sunday at the party. It was fun. The parents live on a lovely lake, and we spent the day listening to good music and eating good food. The biggest problem of that day was running down stairs to the lake and running up the stairs to the decks. My knee let me know about 7:30 p.m. that it had HAD IT up to HERE and we left around 8 to nurse my poor bottom half. Ouch. I woke up on Monday morning with a knee the size of a small third world country. (Insert lots of icing here...)

The boys bought food and came down to our house and we had a BBQ later on Monday. My oldest has been very good to his old parents - he bought the food and bought a ton of stuff for his brother's grad party. He has spoiled his old parents a LOT. Blessed? Yes! We are! The BBQ was delicious, but my husband and I sat out by the grill and I was saying I didn't want to go to fireworks because my leg hurt so much, and he said the same thing - that we didn't have to go. We were going to tell the kids we didn't want to go, but one thing led to another, and we ended up going to the fireworks in Schoolcraft. I am glad we went now. We laughed so hard at various things. It was a hoot with those kids. The fireworks were good, too. The traffic wasn't too bad coming home, either. All in all - excellent weekend.

Today my daughter headed home to Chicago and the boys went back to work. I dusted and swept and did laundry and cleaned. I have spent the last hour with an ice bags on my arm and on my knee. When I stand up it is questionable if I will stay upright. Time to buy a scooter or Rascal or something, I think. I would have to have it customized, though. Flames and detailed and a special license plate that says, "CODGER" or something.

July 6, 2011 - And I thought life after kids would be boring...silly me!

We have been letting Taffy the cat out at night on occasion. We figured if he was dying eventually from his cat leukemia, why not enjoy the great outdoors? Taffy has spent a few nights outside and he came in with scabs the other morning. I felt him up and it didn't feel too bad at that point. A light tussle with another critter I figured. My daughter commented on the scabs on his head and neck when she was home this weekend. I could see a sore by his ear and doctored it with peroxide. Monday, Jake the dog began licking Taffy with gusto on his boo boo spot, practically sucking the poor cat down his throat. I picked Taffy up and he was just oozing pus. I called for peroxide, baby wipes, and q-tips and the family acted as scrub nurses as I cleaned up the drain from the wound. Jake knew that Taffy needed medical attention and acted. I doubt I would have noticed it was infected that badly if Jake had not licked Taffy's face off. We've not let him out since his sore showed up, and he's hated us and sat our our chests and meowed incessantly all night long. (He is at the door right now practically yodeling to get out.)

Then yesterday I wake up to Taffy's face on the right side being swollen and puffy and HUGE. I called him to me whilst I was sitting there peeing and picked him up. I felt his face and found the infection was a huge pocket! I pushed and it gushed. So there I was, pushing and cleaning it up with toilet paper. I finally called my husband to hold him so I could 'finish up' and wash my hands and finish draining the infection out. I treated him with lots of peroxide and finished up with antibiotic cream. Taffy was not happy with me, but he sure seemed to be better today. I doctored him again a bit ago, but he was no longer draining. Sigh. I went from skinned knees of children to a pussy pussy cat. (Puss-ee Poos-y cat - giggle - great play on words but gross nonetheless.)

Then tonight while I was out with the dogs in the dog pen I heard a scream that sounded like an incoming bomb, and then heard a 'whomp' on the fence. A female hummingbird had smashed into the fence and fell to the ground! I picked her up and she was out cold but breathing. I didn't see any blood. Her neck did not look broken. I held her in my hand and finally she looked at me. She didn't try to fly, but she would look at me. I got down on the ground with her over near the humming bird feeder and held her in my hands. (Getting down on the ground is a big thing for me with my bum knee. It wasn't easy, and I wasn't sure HOW I was going to get up!) I thought in my head that if ever there was a time I would love to see my neighbor Sue, NOW WOULD BE THAT TIME. And voila - Sue walks over!  THANK YOU LORD! I showed Sue my patient. We fussed over the bird quite a while. A female human cannot walk away from a hurt critter, no matter what species. The bird finally flapped it wings a bit and we tried to get her to drink some sugar water. The little thing had quite a grip on it as it latched on to our fingers. We got her up on the feeder and tried to encourage her to eat. Sigh. We had to laugh as the situation left itself wide open to some humorous comments, but we felt so helpless, really. I was sticking my tongue out at the bird trying to show it what it should be doing (eating sugar water) as cars were driving by. I am sure it was a pretty sight from the road. Plus after my fat butt was on the ground so long, I'm still finding grass embedded in odd places.

We left her on the feeder and went about our night, but I checked on her later after reading on line how to 'fix' a hurt hummingbird. Most sites said that if you could get them to drink some sugar water that a lot of them will up and fly away. The websites even showed how to hold the poor bird to get her them to drink. I made my husband go out with me to help, and I forced her to drink some water. She got a little in her. She also flew from my hand to the nearest tree and fell on the ground. I went to fetch her. We tried the water again, and once again she flew to the nearest tree and plopped on the ground. Sigh. Sue called to check on her and I updated her on the situation. I don't think it looks good, really. She is currently out in a petunia plant because I couldn't just leave her sitting on the humming bird feeder because the males that were coming up to the feeder would attack her! Literally - they were wailing on that poor thing. So I plopped her in the planter, so at least if she passes on tonight she doesn't have to die at the hands of a retarded male hummingbird. Ugh. Circle of life - and such. Still, you want to help the poor thing...

Oh, and may I mention that when you clean out a kid's room after they leave, you are bound to find odd things so don't be shocked and just rent a dumpster. There was a plastic cup full of jelly beans that were congealed together in a gooey mass from the heat upstairs. It would have made a lovely paperweight as it came out in a solid mass. There were Jolly Ranchers - possibly half eaten, possibly half not - it was hard to tell. Plus every cardboard box the boy has gotten "stuff" in since 1999 was still up there. There was also an inflatable fishing game with little plastic ducks and a plastic fishing rod and blow up pool... Even when they are gone, they never cease to amaze you. I put the little yellow duckies in one of my flower beds.

July 7, 2011 - Spell check says 'whomp' is not a word. It isn't supposed to be a word, it's supposed to be sound. So there. If there was an online sound dictionary, they would agree. I type 'em as I sees 'em or hears 'em...

I went out and gave the poor hummingbird a proper funeral. Sigh. After raising Burt the Bird back in 2007, it's hard to NOT care about birds. I love birds. They amaze me and I am just fascinated by them. Losing one is sad. As fast and as hard as she literally screamed in to the fence last night, it's not a surprise she did not make it... She is flying with the big boys now.

TAFFY, SHUT UP! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

July 10, 2011 - Ah, Sunday morning. The morning glories are glorious. The hummingbirds are humming and the birds are singing. The sun is shining. A perfect morning. I am sipping on coffee and enjoying the quiet. I have had a lot of quiet lately with the last kid out the door. Seriously - there are moments I think, "Wow, it is TOO quiet!!" The wee one seems to be doing fine with work and living with his big brother. I wrote to him and told him he has to update me at least once a week, as the older two do this religiously. He actually wrote me back and gave me a mini-update. His first check was HUGE. I think it makes working those twelve hour days worth it to him! He will have plenty of money for parking permits, and books if he keeps that up! (Thank you God!) I hope he also appreciates how hard his brother works and has worked. Maybe this will open his mind a bit about real life. (Although, really - shouldn't we all avoid real life as long as possible?) I have to admit the amount of laundry and the amount of food I have to purchase has dropped a ton. Woot. I have enjoyed fixing dinners that WE want as old codgers as opposed to what a kid will eat. We've had very healthy dinners the last few days. It's fun. We can spice stuff up all we want. Now I have to begin to keep a calendar of what we eat when we eat it so we don't get bored with the good food and I can plan a little. Learning how to 'tone down' the amount I fix has also been an interesting process, but I'm getting the hang of it.

I mentioned to my husband the other night that I was amazed at the amount of fireflys that were out. "They don't usually show up 'til July!" I announced in awe. "Duh!" replied my husband. "Oh, yeah..." I thought.

I have been trying to train my morning glories to go specific ways on the dog fence, and they are being very stubborn. Vines will go where vines want to go when you get right down to it. I will continue to re-wind them and put them where I want them to go. I have a feeling they will eventually win this battle...

I called last week to make an appointment for a knee/arm recheck with my doctor. He was so booked I can't see him until the 19th. I will keep icing and self doctoring until then. My knee is not healing up like good knees should, and that concerns me a tad. My arm is MUCH better but still won't move in certain ways. I wrap it in an ace bandage at night and ice it, too. If both the knee and arm are fine when the doc sees them, then I want him to suggest some exercises to help make them feel better. I am afraid to go flinging them around in various directions until I get some guidance. And for anyone out there planning on face planting it in to a gravel driveway anytime soon, make sure you hurt alternating appendages. I wish it was my right knee, left arm that was hurt or left knee and right arm - not both right knee and right arm. That over gimp-atizes you.

My aunt suggested to my husband at my son's graduation party that I needed to get back on Weight Watchers, and I have to totally agree. Now is the time to do it again now that I can control what is in the house food wise and I don't have to buy for anyone but us adults. I think the issue at this point is NOT MOVING enough. I am limited in my movement due to the falling incident, but I've been trying to stay active after dinner by watering my flowers and dead heading my plants and being out in the yard more. If wish my dogs were not so retarded and have such an urge to run off so quick. It would be fun to go out with them and 'play' - but the minute they are set free, they are gone - ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. Walking them with my bum arm is also not an option yet.

I think I will go off and clean out my pretty - pretty cabinets. I know, I know!  I am living la Vida Loca. Hold me back! :)

July 12, 2011 - Normally I get up and get on line with work at around 5:30 a.m. That way I can check the systems and make sure the shipping departments are set to go. Yesterday morning I went through my normal routine. Then I decided about 6:30 that I was going to water my flowers since it was supposed to hot. I usually end up watering my flowers at night since morning is busy with work, but yesterday I decided, "NO! I am watering this morning!" I felt all proud and stuff at my pro-active self.

So I watered the flowers. I soaked them down good. "You will be all set for this hot summer day, my pretties!" I crooned to them.  When I was almost done, I could heard odd sounds to the West. "Is that thunder?" I wondered to myself. With my bad ears it really could be anything. I am not one to ask to testify in court for anything related to hearing... I came in and looked at the radar. We had a storm coming! This made me laugh out loud and this made the dogs bark. The morning I decided to water is the morning it's going to storm like Katrina! Hahahaha.

So I finished up the work on line that I had started, shut down my computers, and jumped in the shower. Just as I got out of the shower, BAM, it hit. The rain came down in sheets. The amount of rain falling was phenomenal! I watched out the back window as my hanging planters on the individual poles slowly arched over and ended up on the ground. I have NEVER heard thunder like I heard yesterday morning in my whole 50 years on earth. It sounded very close to the house and almost like 'fake' thunder that people make during a play with a sheet of tin or something. Maybe a weirdo was on my roof with pots and pans just having a hay day banging on them.

The dogs were quite upset. This sound was new to them, too. Jake and Kia were pacing and barking at the windows. When I opened the back door to get a better view of the weather, Jake ran out and barked at the sky until he realized that we were living under a water fall at that moment. I was quite impressed by Jake. Jake is normally such a big baby wimp boy and hates rain and will avoid going out in it at all cost, but yesterday morning he was defending me from that weird sounding thunder. I felt quite safe after that.

I waited until the bulk of that storm had passed and headed in to work. Later that morning, we had the 'Big' Blast, however. Being in a factory cement building you can't hear the severity of the winds and all, and you really couldn't see out the windows since the rains was so heavy. I didn't worry too much. They had tornado warnings to our South and I saw on the news online there was major wind damage to our North. I decided to run home at lunch after the storm excitement and make sure the dogs survived. I also expected to see trees all over my yard.

There were roads locally blocked off by uprooted trees. I took the long way home to avoid those areas where I saw crews working to clear the road. I drove home on a carpet of downed twigs, branches, and lots of leaves. When I got almost to my house, I saw that our neighbors just to our South had a ton of branches in their yards. I pulled in to my driveway, picked up Herby Curby and all the garbage that flew out of it, and put it back by the road. I drove up to the house and surveyed it. Wow, only a few branches down off the willow tree! How did we manage that? The dogs were hyper-happy to see me. I let them out to pee after loving on them to calm them down. After knowing all was secure at the homestead, I stopped at my nearest neighbors house to pick up her Herby Curby and set it back by the road. She came home about then, too. I pulled out of her driveway and stopped at the next neighbors to put their Herby Curby back in order, and talked to Denise for a minutes. She said several roads coming home were blocked so she had to drive a lot further to get here. As we were talking, a branch fell and landed in between us, so I decided it was time to get back in the car and go back to the cement factory building whence I came...

My husband and I went for a 'storm viewing' after supper, and saw lots of trees uprooted and/or just snapped in half. A field of corn over near the highway in Schoolcraft was 'etched' by the wind. There were flattened areas in random patterns all over that poor field. These were some powerful winds, for sure. I made sure I thanked the Big Guy for the roof that was still on my house and the trees that were still in my yard and such. My Aunt called to say they were without power. My sister was without power too, so I also was thankful for the fact we had power after all that blowing and raining.

I think the dogs are taking the 'empty nest' situation a lot harder than I am! They hate being alone at night, this is obvious. They used to go up to my wee one's room and hang out with him since he would be awake 'til the wee hours of the morning. Now they just have a couple of old codgers that like to be in bed by 9:30 or before. We have a queen sized bed, mind you - but my husband and I are already 'queen sized' ourselves, so that doesn't leave much room to take on passengers. The dogs will wait until they hear my husband's steady breathing, and then board ship. You don't add another 150 lbs of large doggies to a mass of fat already without having space issues. It cracks me up every night. Oh, and don't forget to throw in a retard Taffy who WON'T SHUT UP since we won't let him outside. The other night I rolled over and the cat was sleeping on my hair, Jake was cuddled up to my left side, and Kia had our feet covered. I was sweating profusely. I ordered all critters off the bed at that point. Oh, and being old codgers, we often have to pee during the night, so if one of us gets up to go to the bathroom our spots are immediately taken by the pack of 'tards that are my animals. Hahahaha.

July 17, 2011 - A humid start to this Sunday morning. The air feels kind of 'soupy' but it might be because I'm hungry - then everything I see or feel can be compared to food products in one way or another. The clouds kind of look like popcorn, too...

As I was sitting on the toilet earlier this morning I suddenly had visions of Scarlet O'Hara in hoop skirts and the whole while I was in the potty I was trying to figure out how women who wore such elaborate dresses even had the slightest capacity to use an outhouse? Even if it wasn't hoop skirts, it would have been those horrid layer upon layer of skirts they used to wear. How would you manage to squeeze all of that in to an outhouse in time?! You couldn't wear those type of clothes if you had a hair trigger bladder such as myself. Sure, they could have used chamber pots in the privacy of their own bedroom, but that would be like trying to dock on to the space station - You have a very narrow window of opportunity and you couldn't even possibly see your target with all those clothes. I finally gave up trying to figure out the mechanics of this situation and decided "We've come a long way, baby..." Flush.

Thursday the word went out at work that the the 'corn man' had corn. (The 'corn man' is a local guy who gets fresh produce and sells it on a local corner. The corn man usually has very good sweet corn. This is very exciting news for us who do not raise gardens of our own. However, knowing when he's going to be on his corner is a crap shoot, so you have to work as a community to alert the villagers to his presence, sending out horses with someone crying "The Corn Man is Coming! The Corn Man is Coming!" or by just calling each other on our cell phones works too...) I took my lunch and drove over and got a dozen ears of corn and a pint of sweet cherries. I'm driving home hunched over the wheel with a stupid grin on my face like I just robbed a bank, repeating to myself in my head, "Corn, precious!" and was quite happy with the prospect of corn for supper. Then it dawned on my there are only two of us, so why did I buy a full dozen? Sigh. I shucked 'em all and fixed six for supper that night, and we have the other six for supper tonight. It was good corn. I made sure I chewed the heck out of it. I was bound and determined I was going to eat corn on the cob for once without leaving excessive forensic evidence of doing so in the toilet the next morning. I chewed and chewed and enjoyed my corn. A first for me. Normally when I eat sweet corn it reassembles in my lower intestines and comes out whole the next day.

Yesterday my husband mowed the yard early (before the heat kicked in). He did this because I announced I was going to mow up by the house myself since the grass was so high. (He has stated earlier that it was going to be SO HOT this coming week that if we mowed, it would just burn off all the grass so he wasn't going to mow.) Up around the house is constantly shaded and it was quite tall so I said I was mowing that area as soon as I got on my knee brace and wrapped my arm to keep the swelling and pain to a minimum. He went ahead and mowed (because he said he didn't need me breaking what little I had left working on my poor old body). So I just stayed inside and cleaned. I cleaned out our fans. Wow, it's amazing how much dust, hair, and general dirt gets sucked in to fans! I blew them out then unscrewed each front panel and back to get in to clean the blades. I caught up on laundry. I swept and dusted. By one p.m. the lawn was done and the house was clean.

Then my husband and I showered up and went to Red Lobster for lunch/supper combined. Ron and Sue had given us gift cards to Red Lobster for watering their flowers, and I had a previous gift card from Todd at work when I fixed his computer. Oh, we were in seventh heaven. Our favorite place to eat is Red Lobster. We had $75 dollars of gift cards to use up and we did a fine job of doing it! (Total came to $73.05.) It was fun to have a leisurely meal and enjoy the whole process of eating. We even ordered dessert. Yum. Before we ate, we both ordered a Sam Adams Summer Ale, and enjoyed those immensely. I was surprised at how smooth it was. We ended up having two each and when we got the bill, I couldn't see (forgot my reading glasses) at the time how much each of those beers were until we got home. Each ale was 4.35 each!?!?  Hahaha. We could have had a six pack for the amount we spent on two beers there! Mind you, that was very good, smooth ale. Someone is making a killing on the mark up, however. Smile. What a wonderful, enjoyable meal it was. Yummmmmmmmmmmmm!

Sue also got me another cute present. She has such neat stuff in her yard and flower beds. I was fascinated with the 'elf' house on one of her trees. Now I have an elf house! Now I want this stuff for EVERY tree!! I can see it now, by the time I retire my yard will be full of gnomes and elf houses and all sort of cool things. That way when the grand kids come over, we can play together. One is never too old to play. I get little plastic animals and stuff and they will live in those elf houses on the trees and ... Oh, I can't wait!

Today my oldest son is taking us out for breakfast at 10 a.m. This means my oldest son and youngest son will have to wake up before 10 a.m. This will be hard for them. They work from 3 p.m. until 3 a.m., so we'll see how this plays out. My oldest has a day off today, finally, and I hope he gets to relax a bit. The wee one has to work, however. I am proud of them both. Working in this heat and all is not easy.

I got the dogs some of those stuff-less critters to play with. Kia loves those longer toys that she can maul to death, but the whole clean up process was no fun for ME, so kudos to the stuff-less toys! Jake got a stuff-less squirrel and Kia got a stuff-less fox. It's been tons of fun around here ever since. Jake seldom "plays" - it is as if he doesn't know how. Kia on the other hand will play with dirt or reflections of light. (When they were in utero, must be Kia sucked up all the 'fun' genes and left Jake with predominately stupid genes.) However, this morning it was Jake who grabbed on of the furry creatures and began playing like a puppy. This lasted six seconds. He had a fleeting moment of 'play' then went back to just plain Jake.

July 20, 2011 - I feel sorry for Alanis Morissette, she looks a lot like Casey Anthony and I hope some weirdo in Canada doesn't think it's Casey and try to kill the poor woman. Sigh. Humans tend to lean towards being stupid a majority of the time...

We have a house mouse. UGH! We've been in this little old house since 1985 and have never had a voluntary house mouse. Oh, sure, over the years the cats we've had have brought us in stunned, live gophers or mice or moles as presents, but those were easily caught and tossed back outside. This mouse is an official visitor that was not brought in by other means. I thought I had seen a mouse back around the 4th of July, but everyone said I was insane. Although that has been proven a factual statement over the years, my husband finally saw the alleged mouse scoot across the living room with Taffy the Cat and the dogs in hot pursuit. Taffy has been ever so happy since this discovery. He's played with the mouse in the kitchen, throwing it around and batting it back and forth, but he won't kill it nor can we catch it during this play. I assume he's keeping it alive for entertainment purposes since we won't let him outside anymore. Sigh. We will get live traps tonight at the store. I have no urge to have a bed and breakfast for mice. There was a tree toad in the girl's bathroom at work yesterday, too. I set him free on the bushes outside the door, but I bet if toads had fists he would have been shaking it because he wanted to stay in where it was cooler.

The heat index today is supposed to be 108. Us Michigan people don't do well in that sort of heat situation. It is supposed to be hotter over in Chicago where my daughter lives and I feel so bad for my boys working in an aluminum factory in this heat. Alas, we've all done it - worked in this heat and survived. Please stay hydrated. This is also perfect mosquito breeding weather apparently as I've seen more of them than I can count the last few days. My gladiolus are happy with this weather and have shot up quite a bit. I, personally, would welcome a snow storm about now.

We had such a hoot with the boys at Sunday Morning breakfast. I just sat and listened as they both spewed on about work and such. It was just fantastic. They came over afterward since we didn't dare go home smelling of the 'boys' and have the dogs hate us for not seeing them. The wee one rolled around with Jake and my oldest doted on Kia. They were both furry and covered with dog hair when they left. The dogs were happier, that's for sure! They spent the whole time the boys were here waiting for my daughter, too - watching the living room wall for the reflection of a car pulling in. Hahahaha. "If the boys are here, the girl should be!!" She should be able to come home in a week or two or so.

I need to get my wee one on his Thank You Notes for his graduation gifts. I am a strong believer in Thank You notes, but with him working second shift and 12 hour days, I'm not sure when he can get over here to do them. He will do them, however, even if I have to take a day off of work and go to him. Smile. I remember after my oldest son's party, he did his thank you notes right away, but they rode around in his car for two months before he mailed them.  Oy, boys! Smile.

I forgot to mention that the moles have been horrid since Muffy passed on. Sigh. I miss Muffy. They have escavated tons of feeding paths just under the surface of the yard and I swear they are spelling things out with those tunnels - such as "Go Home Yankee" and "Kill All Humans!"

July 21, 2011 - Taffy has gotten the mouse. The House Mouse is no more. My husband called me at work to announce the fact. He showed the dead mouse to Taffy the Cat and praised him. Taffy, I assume, knows inherently that he should be praised anyway no matter if he killed a mouse or not. Cats are just like that, really. I am thinking, however, that Taffy just played with it to death as opposed to killing it outright. (If you got thrown around and batted for two days straight, you'd not fair well, either.)

Oh, and may I mention that having a tree toad in the girls bathroom on Tuesday equates to a Toad in the Stool, right? I still think it's funny... This humor was not lost on us at work, and we giggle about it still. (We really need to get out more...)

I saw on the news this morning that Kim Kardashian or whoever is suing a company for using a model in their commercials that looks just like her, hence they are stealing her intellectual property. First of all, who the hell is Kim Kardashian? Second of all, how can you sue for the fact that someone LOOKS like you? That fact is left up to the roll of the genes. Ugh. Humans - another good example of stupid. ("Stop looking like me!  MOM - SHE LOOKS LIKE ME!")

July 24, 2011 - What a relaxing weekend so far, and it's only Sunday morning.

Friday night after work my husband and I went to get groceries. We decided to do that so we could have an official "day off" on Saturday where we didn't have to go anywhere or do anything. We left the store and I actually had money left! Hahahaha. Evil laugh. The biggest purchases Friday night were for the pets.

Taffy the Cat has decided that he can projectile urinate through the cool litter box we bought a while ago - finding the exact spot where there is a slight gap between the lid and base. This causes stinky cat issues in the laundry room. Thursday night I cleaned all of that up and bleached the floor and such. Friday we bought a normal tall tote and cut a cat sized hole in the front. Now if he can piss over that top of that, we have some kind of super cat, we do!

What a sad weekend for Norway. Sigh. I think there are better ways for people to make a political point other than causing such awful devastation. Just once I wish they'd give the general public baseball bats and let them have the culprit for an hour, no questions asked. I just got done reading the news on line, and it's just so sad. Then there was that guy in Texas who shot people at the rolling rink and then shot himself. What the hell are these people thinking?!? We just had that massacre in Grand Rapids here in Michigan where the guys killed seven people then shot himself. I suppose I don't understand how anyone could feel this way - the need to kill. Sigh. I just don't get it. (Although violence sparks violence - I would love to beat the guy to near death with a bat - so what the hell is wrong with ME?)

July 25, 2011 - I forgot to mention that on Saturday night my husband and I had a BOGO coupon for Culver's Custard Stand, and we went and got a turtle sundae each. We felt quite old and clever by getting a free sundae. We ate it in the parking lot at Culvers, commenting on people's driving skills out in front of us on the main drag, and being very cocky and judgmental. The nice thing about going OUT for the ice cream - it's not in the house. If the ice cream was in the house, it would be in ME - so it's best if we go out to get a treat now and then.

We turned off the air conditioner last night and just opened the windows. Taffy was very happy with that. Finally, a window to perch in and look at 'stuff' - (what ever it is that cats look at during the night that entertains them so much...) At least he wasn't standing on my chest meowing all night. The dogs are thrilled this morning as well, since they can see the squirrels at the bird feeders and hear them and bark at them to no avail, like idiots.

Taffy has been so bored since the mouse is gone that he has been playing with the dogs. This could be dangerous. The dogs like to play and all, but they also would like to swallow any cat whole just for fun. I hope Taffy knows what he is doing. Yesterday Taffy was all over the living room, bouncing off the couch and flying behind the entertainment center to flee from the dogs. Then back he'd come running, with two dogs in hot pursuit. Sigh. Thank goodness they are all basically lazy so this game doesn't go on for too long...

I suppose if I were a good girl I'd get ready for work and seize the new week like a bunch of flowers to my chest. I'd fly to the shower like Julie Andrews in the opening of 'Sound of Music' and I'd flit my way to work on the wings of hope and happiness. I doubt, however, there is enough coffee in the world to pull that one off...

July 26, 2011  - I listen to a variety of music. I enjoy the 'oldies' stations the most. (Oldies to me = 50s, 60s, and 70s music, although if they had a "Glenn Miller Station" I'd listen to that, too.) On my favorite oldies station they played a song by Madonna on the way home last night! What!? Madonna isn't an 'oldie' *to me* and doesn't belong on oldies stations! Really! Well, not 'really' since she did come out with her first hit in 1985 or so - so that is and 'oldie' to someone now. Sigh. I almost had a heart attack back when they played Joan Jett and the Blackhearts on my oldies station;  I'm so not ready for Madonna crap to be 'oldies' material... Sigh.

You kids get off my lawn! Who are you people?

The new super sized tote that we converted into a litter box is working well. Taffy has a mini-condo inside that thing and can poop like a king. Last night, Jake the Dog finally tried to get a litter-covered after dinner poopmint from the opening in the tote and got his head stuck for a second. There was some chaos over that for a bit and when I walked out to the litter room, there was litter all over. I doubt Jake will try that again until he totally forgets he got his head stuck, and then of course he'll try it again. I got out the vacuum and swept up the mess. Jake was upset enough by the litter tote incident that he decided to take it out on Taffy. He went after Taffy's tail as the cat sauntered by him in a cocky fashion. My husband yelled, "JAKE! Don't bite the butt that feeds you!" Chortle.

I've been testing the newest version of our current main database software at work. We need to go 'live' with this, but there are just two of us working on it, and so much has changed. This is a huge project and I refuse to think about it too much. If I did, my brain would explode and we'd be weeks scraping it off the walls and ceiling. I like testing and figuring things out. I like being a detective dog, sniffing out issues and such, so I don't mind doing it, I do mind not having enough time or manpower to do it right. Sigh. Just complaining - nothing going on here, folks. Keep moving...

I like watching Dr. Oz when I get a chance. He has a good T.V. presence and makes sense on health issues. I love how he's not afraid to portray poop as poop and show people things (such as lungs, brains, bowels, etc.) I was thinking, however, that if we took everything and ate everything he suggested per day, that we'd all explode in a mineral rich goo. I suppose Dr. Oz assumes we're all smart enough to figure out what we want to try and how we take his advice! Silly Dr. Oz! We're Americans! We can't decide for ourselves! Smile.

I miss my kids, I must say. Not so much, mind you, that I'm on the floor in a fetal position crying all the time. I doubt I'd like it one bit if they all decided to move back in at once either... I kind of like doing one load of laundry every other day instead of 62 per day. I kind of like fixing a dinner no one complains about. I kind of like cleaning and waking up to the same house I went to sleep with. So I will stop complaining. Back in my day, when we got a chance to get out of the house we GOT OUT OF THE HOUSE and seldom worried about the fact our parents just might be worried about us. There were no cell phones and such way back in the day, so I can only imagine how my parents felt. Sigh. Paybacks are hell. At least in this day and age I can see they are alive via Facebook or text message on the phone. So really, I have it made so I'll quit bitchin'. We all have to make our own path in life, and I am fortunate my kids are doing just that. After all, someone has to support me in my old age...

My daughter had a 'discover Chicago' day last Friday. She's now done with her summer semester at school and decided to have a "her" day and search out new streets and shops and get a pedicure and such. Good for her! She posted some pictures on her Facebook, and I have to share her cupcake picture. (She got a free cupcake from the Sprinkles Van. She loves Sprinkles cupcakes, and she has brought us some before. Being an old codger now, I'm convinced homemade cupcakes that I make are better, but who am I to judge?) The cupcakes have a sugar dots on them to indicate what kind they are or what day they are sold, I'm not sure which it is, but you tell me - don't they look like breasts? Smile. Sorry, maybe I'm a pervert, but to me they look like boobs. Delicious boobs, mind you - but boobs nonetheless. But hey - FREE cupcake! Yay!

The dogs have been fussy about going outside since it's been so hot. When it was horrid hot last week, they would only walk out as far as it took to get a good pee off and they would poop as close to the stoop area as physically possible, then want right back inside. Now they can be fighting like idiots in the house - real knock down drag out dog fighting - and when you let them out to 'take it outside' they stop, sit on the cement, and stop fighting and just stare. Sigh. Stupid dogs. We've gotten them out a few times my screaming 'SQUIRREL!' It never fails. Try it with your dog today. Any word with the 'squ' sound in it makes dogs go nuts. These two dogs have no clue what a squirrel is - they just hear 'squ' and go ballistic. We figured this out years ago when we had Sparky, one of the smartest doggies we ever had, and she DID know what a squirrel was and could run like the wind and tree a squirrel in seconds. These dogs, however, are just reacting to the 'squ' sound and we can yell SQUEAK! or SQUAW or SQUEAL and they go nuts. Maybe it's just the yelling part they react to, huh? I am convinced, however, that the two dogs I have now are just not that bright. You can tell them to "go get Daddy!" and they run in circles barking and nipping each other. They don't know who we are by name. Sigh. I hope none of us fall in a well anytime soon...

July 27, 2011  - I saw my first fireball last night! This is an awesome thing for me, who is a lover of all things related to space and astronomy. I was sitting on the toilet in a dark bathroom, doing my 'pre-bed' nightly business, just staring out the window at the southern sky's twilight stars when there it was. Bam! It glowed very brightly and was almost neon green and it left a streak of smoke behind it. To me, from that angle on the toilet, it looked like it dropped right on my little town about four miles away. When I saw it, I screamed (and I quote myself) "Holy Crap! Oh, My God! That is awesome!!!" Me almost shouting with joy like that made the dogs bark (because everyone without out kids at home knows you seldom if ever shut the door to the bathroom to do anything in there anymore - why shut the door when there is no one to walk in on you other than your spouse, and your spouse and pretty much seen it all so the mystery is gone anyway...) I stood by the bathroom window waiting for 1) Sirens and explosions, in case it DID drop on my little town 2) Fireballs and meteorites normally travel in packs, so I wanted to see another one!

No sirens...no more fireballs. I finally crawled in to bed. My husband was snoring by then. I cannot believe he fell asleep while I was shouting in the bathroom. This gives me no comfort whatsoever. If I had fallen and couldn't get up, I would still be there. Sigh. Nonetheless, I mumbled to myself loudly until he woke up enough to ask what the hell I was mumbling about, and I got to tell him. "You were in the bathroom - it was probably GAS you saw..." he said before he went back to sleep.

I couldn't take it anymore and got back up and got on line. I turned on the police on line scanners to listen if anyone reported it and then I posted it on Facebook. Two of my friends saw it, thank goodness! I was not alone. Both thought it was falling on their towns, so it just had to be a nice sized fireball going south. I researched fire balls on line after that, checked local news sites for reports and then went back out and stood to watch the sky until mosquitoes started serving me up as a dessert after dinner...

The fireball was kind of what I needed, really. Prior to that I had just watched two recorded shows on nebula and the end of the universe. They were full of cool graphics and interesting facts, but what it boiled down to was that eventually all the hydrogen in the universe will be used up and in x amount of billions of years, there will be no more star formations and the universe will become dark and dead. That was all quite depressing last night all at once. I pondered on it way too long while the shows were on. My conclusion was, "Why even try? Why even dust the furniture? It just doesn't matter..."  The fireball, however, re-kindled my spirit once again. Why care that the universe will eventually die? We're all still here NOW. So enjoy the NOW. How lucky are we? Pretty damned lucky!

I am posting a few pics I took this morning of my four-o-clocks and my butterfly garden. (The butterfly garden is officially known here at the house as the 'dead circle' as it's over the spot where Stewie the Cat is buried, but 'dead circle' sounds so depressing...)

  

August 1, 2011 - Happy August! I can't believe how fast this summer is flying by. I say that every summer and winter...and fall, and spring.  You would think after all these years I would get used to it. Nope.

The weekend was productive. Got lots done that I wanted to do, such as take a nap on Sunday. Critical - that one. One must nap on occasion is my belief. Cleaned out my car, too, as I had more dirt and rocks on my floors than in the driveway. I set the dirt free. Did a clean up on the sheds and found many mouse nests. Sigh. Used the shop vac and sucked up many many mouse hours of hard work. I do so miss Muffy. The chipmunks and mice and tripled in numbers since dear old Muffy went on to kitty heaven. When I was sweeping up the sheds, I counted three that were taking cover from my shop vac. You just don't run across a cat like Muffy every day that was built to be a hunter, and a good house kitty too. Sigh. Taffy is a good cat, but his hunting skills are lacking and frankly, he's a better lap cat than a killer cat.

I tried to use my right arm as much as possible on Saturday when doing chores to limber it up. By Saturday night my right arm had sent me a text, "Dear Sandy. You may have forgotten you really did some damage to me and your right knee. Trying to be super woman does NOT help the healing process. Please refrain from over doing my limited capacity in the near future. Love - Elbow." Well, at least my body communicates with me. I find it very hard now to watch "World's Dumbest" shows that show human's impacts/falls. Been there, done that - feel your pain. Ouch.

My gladiolus are going to town. I planted those things back when there was a band fundraiser and they were selling plants. These were the 'plant once and they come up every year' type and they have lived up to their claim. I love glads. I keep thinking I'll let them stay in the flower bed, but every time I walk by the flower bed I cut another one off and haul it in the house. Sigh. I have no will power when it comes to gladiolus.

I called my wee one last night and talked to him for a bit. I miss the little turd head. He was happy to talk and gave me an update. He and my oldest have still been working horrid hours at work, but at least my wee one can squirrel this money away for this fall when he needs books, parking passes, and etc. Good for him. I am still amazed how he went from never moving to working seven days a week, twelve hours a day. Quite amazing. I suppose when he's under the gun, he can pull stuff out of his lower regions when needed.

My daughter and her boy friend went to see Paul McCartney last night at Wrigley Field. I kept telling her that she would LOVE it when he did "Live and Let Die" and she did. She posted a little video to my Facebook page. Ah, everything is better with explosives! KABOOM! I am ever so happy she got to see Sir Paul perform LIVE. I am also very happy that my kids love the kind of music I love as well. I think it's also cool they could see such an awesome concert then walk home. Viva Chicago for that aspect of city life.

August 3, 2011 - Apparently we had a big of a storm last night. Apparently I slept through it. I do not recall any thunder or lightening or wind. My husband heard it and did 'Hurry - close the windows!' duty, but I snored right through it all. When I got up this morning, he asked me how I could have slept through all the loud thunder. I had no good answer for him. "I'm a bit deaf?" I ventured...

I went outside to see if any limbs were down. There were little branches everywhere, and all the plastic lawn chairs had been strategically placed in odd places in the yard. My flower pots on the ground were tipped over. What made me sad was the fact my remaining gladiolus in the little flower bed were plowed over and on the ground. I cut 'em and brought them in to join their family indoors. My four-o-clocks were flattened as well, so I did my best to fluff them back up. Considering we did not lose power or get a tree in through the roof, I am happy that is all the 'damage' there was.

This storm was supposed to be caused by a cooler front moving in, but judging by the way I'm dripping sweat I would have to say the weather man is a big fat liar. Either I'm having sympathy hot flashes for my friend Kathy, or it's very humid in this house.

Duh - It just dawned on my why I slept through everything last night -  I took a Klonopin before my dentist visit yesterday afternoon! That stuff is like the best at relaxing a person ever. When I had my monumental mental breakdown in 1998 or so, those things SAVED me. They also work extremely well with my spastic reactions to dentist visits. If I know I am going to the dentist for any reason, I get a tiny prescription from my family doctor. No wonder I slept through the night. I can't even remember dreaming. Geez. Back during the late 90s when I was on that stuff and recovering from mental meltdown, I could tell you some really good stories as to why one should NEVER mix Klonopin with beer.... (Regrets, I have a few!)

I weighed myself this morning and since the wee one has moved out and I can fix what I WANT for suppers, I've lost 14 lbs. Wow. Kids make you fat? No. I would like to blame them, but it's not true. I should have been eating like this all my life and raised the kids like this as well, but I failed there. I can, however, make up for lost time by fixing good stuff now. My husband has been thrilled at this whole 'tasty dinner' thing. I am lucky he likes what I like. We've chosen Saturday nights as our 'junk food' night - which consist of driving to an ice cream stand and getting a sundae like a good old couple should. Seriously, I have no will power, so if anything bad was in the house it would end up in my tummy half chewed. It's best to do the drive to get a treat than have any sort of treat in the house. I do keep a box of cereal handy in the house in case I'm having a seizure and need a 'sweet' fix - but other than that, the kids will be sorely disappointed when they come to visit. (Hey, kids - bring any pop and junk you want if you come to visit, 'cause I ain't gots none!)

The sandhill cranes are outside my front window picking up bird seed at the feeders. I adore those birds. I have a liking for most any bird - and I don't know why. We have sparrows at work that follow you around begging for junk food (since people at lunch time feed them.) I should take them in bird seed. Probably kill them to eat healthy...

I have been watching for fireballs in the sky ever since I saw my first one. Sigh. I am like that - I can't control my eating if something is in front of me and if something fascinates me I have to see it or do it again and again and again. Is that considered obsessive compulsive behavior? Smile. Seriously, that was the coolest thing ever - seeing that fireball. I have seen millions of normal "falling stars" and I've seen the meteors that 'skip' across the atmosphere, but never an actual 'fireball'... When I am rich and famous, I want to have a bedroom with a glass dome so I can be in bed and observe the heavens. (And I don't want to see a fireball big enough where it impacts the Earth and destroys life as we know it since, well - that defeats the whole "fireballs are cool" aspect of things...)

August 5, 2011 - I left work yesterday about 12:30 p.m. to come home. I had a temperature of 100 when I got home and I ached all over and felt nauseated. I am seeing a pattern here. I seem to be doing this at least once every other month now... Hmmmm, me thinks the "change" is a comin' round the corner. Sigh. It's just a 24 hour thing at best, and it bugs me. I should have more control over my body than this! Sigh. Oh well, whadya gonna do? It's sure a hell of a lot better than falling face first into a gravel driveway, I can now say with confidence...

All my 'wounds' from the fall in June are nearly healed, although I doubt my right elbow will ever be the same. I still have issues with it, but not so much as before. Only on occasion do I still drop things from pain or make faces from it hurting when I move it certain ways. My right knee still gets 'stiff' but moves much better now. Viva recovery. I am ever so much more paranoid about falling. Now I know why my Mom felt the way she did. I thought it was all about being embarrassed about falling but it's about the DAMAGE done when you fall, really. When I see videos of people falling or hurting themselves now, it's not so funny anymore...

August 8, 2011 - It was a good weekend. I got lots done. Swept the upstairs and was just shocked at the amount of dog hair and cat hairballs I sucked up. Really - STUNNED was more like it. Had to empty the vacuum six times! I am going to have to add sweeping the upstairs to my weekend chores. The animals must use that floor now as their own personal beach resort or the like. By all rights they should be BALD judging by the amount of hair I sucked up. Ack! We brush the dogs and cat, really we do. WHERE DOES ALL THE HAIR COME FROM? I washed my bedding as well this weekend, as it was covered with hair love from the critters. Nothing like waking up in the middle of night coughing up your own hair ball thanks to shedding pets!

The boys came over for supper this weekend. My oldest bought all the needed ingredients for spaghetti pie and cheese biscuits, and I fixed them. They seemed happy to have a home cooked meal. The boys don't often get days off anymore, so they didn't stay too long because the want to get in as much 'real life' stuff as they can on days off, but still - it's nice to see them in the flesh. The wee one sat down with me and he did his thank you notes for his graduation presents. Finally. I will get to mail those off today. He didn't even complain about doing it (except he wanted the T.V. turned off because he couldn't concentrate and would write something he just heard on the T.V. in a card which scares me when it comes to college and all this fall and his ability to focus and process information in any orderly fashion and find his classes without getting lost and such...) Sigh.

My friend Kathy just wrote this morning about a subject that is near and dear to my heart - literally ...

"Speaking of heat, do you know what I don't like? I don't like the fact that on these really hot days, when I'm working up a storm, I am not allowed by society to go around with my shirt off. Men can, and it's much cooler. What's up with that??? We were all getting along just fine. Thelma and Louise, and the billions of "girls" that bounced and bobbed along the path of righteousness before them were deemed milk cans, as it should be. And then I bet some man had a dream that transformed them into sweet, nectary globes of dancing melons. Before you know, all the men of the world are looking for a lap dance. Next, along comes the invention of the 18-hour underwire bra, with the ability to lift and separate. It isn't fair.

I remember when I was told by my mom that I would no longer be able to go around the neighborhood with my shirt off. Talk about devastation!!!! Even after all of these years, I can recall the stinging words which took place in Alice Schwartzfager's bathroom. Alice was my mom's best friend, and I was outside playing with Alice's children. I was called inside and she put me in front of the bathroom mirror and pointed to these two microscopic buds, as if that explained EVERYTHING that was going on with me. The very next day, she borrowed a record from my aunt, put out by the Kotex company that was supposed to deliver the facts of life, but in actuality, all it did was repeat the words "birds and bees." At least that's what I heard. I wasn't ready to hear such stuff. I wanted to go outside and play baseball with my shirt off.

Yesterday was one of those days, when the sweat dripped from me in puddles and sopped my shirt. And that's what brought all of this to mind..."

I so totally agree about the whole shirt and heat thing for women. It's not fair that we have to cover up the 'girls' as it were. If men can run around without shirts, we should be able to as well. I've always thought that. I believe I'm a nudist at heart, really. Clothes and especially bras seem WRONG to me and always have. Sigh. I believe we women should have neighborhood "Girls Out" nights across the country. Maybe if people saw them exposed enough, the novelty would wear off and we could go bra-less and topless without people sticking dollars in our underwear...  Oh sure, bras are nice as storage devices for pens and such. You can put a lot in a bra's nooks and crannies. However, they are too confining. I hate them with a passion. That is the first thing to come off when I get home from work. If you come to my house off hours, you will have to tolerate my old, pendulum type breast bouncing all over. Oh, I'll wear a shirt, sure, but I'm just saying...

I thought when the kids had all moved out I could sleep naked finally, after all these years. This doesn't work, either - as apparently that is considered an invitation to my husband to go shopping at the open air market. For a woman, being naked doesn't have anything to do with being 'horny' as it were - it just means were hot and DON'T WANT TO WEAR STUPID CLOTHES. Sigh. We can't win, that's all there is to it. Our boobs are doomed...

And on that happy note, I'll say Good Day.

August 9, 2011 - My husband went to bed last night before I did. I saw him standing next to the bed staring at it and I heard him saying something but I couldn't hear what he was saying. I just knew he was standing there making noise. After a minute it dawned on me he may be having a stand up stroke or something to that effect, so I walked in to check on him. "Somebody barfed on the bed..." he said, pointing. All that time standing there staring at it and he didn't make an attempt to clean it up?? Ugh.

Whoever barfed on the bed managed to hit right in the middle, so that was good. Kudos to my pet's ability to aim. I was a little upset since I just washed EVERYTHING this weekend, including the comforter...

So I cleaned up the comforter and the sheets and my husband supervised. As I cleaned up the animal barf, I was ever so grateful that the salesman we bought the bed from a couple of years ago was so adamant about us getting a mattress cover. That salesman was nothing but grace on wheels as I remember. He directed us to the firm queen sized beds (since we are both super sized people) without ever once saying, "Hey, fat cows - you need something that could support the Empire State building!" and when we had picked the bed and thought we were done, he showed us the mattress protector/covers. "You want to protect your investment in such a fine bed!" he said out loud in a salesman type voice, but then he looked at me straight in my eyes and sent his thoughts in to my own brain... "Really, Lady - I'm just sayin' - one of you will get all incontinent or shart or something. I've seen it happen in my career - older people losing control of their bodily functions. I ain't dissin' you none, I just know this stuff. You need one of these things. They can protect your mattress from whatever comes out of you guys without your consent. Trust me on this one, Lady." I was so impressed with his ability to communicate telepathically that we got the mattress cover. Thank goodness we did.

My friend and co-worker Judy and I were discussing the toilet paper at work. "Have you noticed," Judy said, "that the toilet paper just falls apart? You can't get a grip on it to pull it out of the dispenser and once you do all you get is a tiny piece?" We were laughing, because every time you go in to the bathroom, there is a blanket of tiny pieces of paper everywhere - as if someone had dumped all the confetti clean up from the Times Square New Years Eve party in our potty room. There are times when I've tried to get paper out of the dispenser and have tried 60 times to get it to feed a piece larger than a quarter. The little chunks you manage to get out float to the floor like butterflies. Very peaceful, really.

I know that it is wise for a company to save money when they can. I know we're lucky that our company even provides toilet paper in the first place, so I'm not complaining, really I'm not. It's just humorous to me. I have seen the cardboard boxes with these huge rolls of toilet paper come in and on the side it states it is two ply paper. If that stuff is two ply paper, it's obviously produced in another dimension of space that we are not yet aware of where their concept of two ply is way different than our concept of two ply. Maybe it has something to do with the gravity there. Maybe in their world this is the softest, fluffiest two ply EVER! It's much better when the cleaning crew leaves a small roll out when they change the dispenser. Your chances of getting an operable piece of wiping material increases dramatically when the roll is freed of its bonds of the evil dispenser.

I have friends who hate fans. Judy doesn't like the feel of the air blowing on her. Kathy likes the feel but hates the noise. Me, I HAVE to have a fan on to sleep. I need the white noise of a fan. It comforts me. I like the breeze, too. Last night in an attempt to help dry up the comforter and sheets from the barf incident and also because I was having a hot flash that would have easily cooked a squirrel in its skin, I had a fan blowing right on my head, the box fan in the corner going, the other floor fan was blowing on my husband's side of the bed, and he had the window fan going. Add in the ceiling fan to this mix, as well. My bedroom sounded like a reunion of the B-17s class of '42. My husband rolled over and said, "Are you trying to create a vortex or something?" I laughed. "Maybe we'll get sucked up into the plane of a parallel universe!" I responded. (At least I know we'll have toilet paper...)

August 15, 2011 - I have to admit the last few days have been hard for me. The 'depression' started last Wednesday and has followed me all weekend. Hormonal? Who knows. I am sure everyone at work attributes it to that fact which I don't find very fair since some of my depression is attributed to work. Nonetheless, I've been upset, angry, and quiet for days, which is hardly like me at all. I was so depressed I went to get my Saturday sundae on Wednesday to drown my sorrows. It is a good thing that type of food was NOT in the house the last few days. It wouldn't have stood a chance...

I've been trying to avoid my sadness and not look it in the eye. I have pretended I don't know it in public. Being human is just plain, well - weird sometimes. When I get to feeling this down and out, I wonder WHY I feel this way. With all of the mass killing sprees one reads about in the news and the financial issues and the stupid government issues, plus the droughts and starvation, why should I feel depressed about just 'my' stuff? There are greater things to be depressed about, really. It's all quite confusing sometimes. You have to pick your battles, I suppose. So today I will attempt to get past my depression and continue on. Stupid human emotions, anyway...

The full moon has been pretty the last few days, but it has blocked out my Perseid meteor shower this year. I have been trying to see what others have seen on the face of the moon over the last few thousand years. Some see a 'man on the moon' and some see a 'frog' on the moon, and other people can see a 'rabbit'. I tried very hard to see all of these things on the moon this time. I can always see the 'man' and I managed to pick out the 'frog' but I've yet to see a rabbit. What we perceive when looking at things as individuals has always amazed me. What I see can be totally different than what you see. Humans pick out patterns when they view things (sometimes subconsciously) and depending on how your brain is wired, you may see rabbits and I may see faces.

On Friday night we went to see the local High School Band's show after band camp. It's hard to break the ties with that, after so many years. They looked and sounded great. It always amazes me what they can get done in a week. After seeing the kids, we went up to the Art Hop in town. We meandered around and looked at the art and had some snacks and drank some wine. They also had a group that rescues animals set up in the park. There were some very cute doggies there. One puppy was a pug mixed with a beagle, a Puggle. When I saw him, I just swooned. First glance from above and his face looked just like Homer Simpson. I grabbed the puppy and said, "Homer!" If I had the puppy, I would have named him that. We have enough critters at home, so getting another was out of the question, but that Puggle was so adorable. His face was all pug, and his body all beagle. Alien mutant doggie. (Actually, he looked more like Popeye than Homer, now that I ponder it.)

August 16, 2011 - My daughter called last night and we had a nice long conversation. She was telling me about a friend of her boyfriend who was acting like he was still in middle school when it came to the concept of friendship as a whole. I told her that drama was best left to theatrical professionals, and we both decided that would be an excellent Facebook status. After a certain age, the whining and ineffectual threats from emotional outburst tends to lose it's thrill. Just come out and SAY IT ALREADY. Duh. Friends do that - talk to each other and all...

I feel much better this morning, still 'sad' - but better. We all have 'sad' times. It's a human thing, I know. I just get mad at myself because try as I may, there are times such as this where I cannot counteract the sadness. The brain is a stubborn mule that we all carry around on our shoulders. I would say it to my brain's face if my brain showed up now, but since my brain is probably reading this as I type, consider it said, you stubborn DONKEY ENCASED IN A SKULL!

I took all my angst yesterday and put it in to working like a devil on speed. I got lots done. It felt good to get so much done. Hopefully I can continue to use my power of depression to my benefit. My Aunt told me I needed to get out a bit, and maybe volunteer and such. This is true, too. I need more of a life than here at home and work. Good advice.

The dogs have been very upset about something outside, but after you let them out in the pen to do whatever dogs do when they get hyper and want outside, they just sniff the air and plop on the ground. I let them in, and it starts all over again. Perhaps it's a game to them. ("How many times can we her to let us out? Duh! She's not that bright." "Don't piss her off too much, she's got opposable thumbs and feeds us!") Maybe they are privately keeping score amongst themselves on who can get me to react the most. Humans manipulated by dogs - it's a growing problem in the world, I'm sure. Maybe I should start a support group...

August 22, 2011 - The dogs went out to potty early this morning in a dark pen and I couldn't get them to come in. I couldn't see at the time what fascinated them so much. Now that the sun is up high enough it is very apparent that a rabbit got in to the dog pen last night. Little turdies everywhere. Ugh. The dogs had their own personal 'raisin' stand to shop from. Some little rabbit thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. (As many droppings as there was, it might have been a whole family reunion of rabbits...)

Did you know squirrels and good dear friends can bring you a great wealth of wisdom? Well, we knew good dear friends enlighten one, but squirrels? I threw out some ears of corn for the sandhill cranes. However, there is a pack of teenage squirrels that roam the yard, and I watched as one of those guys grabbed a smaller ear of corn and hauled it up a tree. His head was weighted to one side but by golly, he hauled that thing up the tree, then PLOP - it fell down again. He came down, got the corn (after eating a few bites of it) and hauled it up again. PLOP. The ear came down again. This time the little dude grabbed it and ran to the neighbors tree that has a bit of a shelf to rest things such as corn and the like. He got it up there, enjoyed a bite, then PLOP - down rolled the ear of corn. He grabbed it again and ran to the back where there are walnut trees. Last I knew he was still hauling that thing up trees. Persistence. He will do it until he gets it right... Never give up! Never surrender! Viva the lesson of the squirrel. PLOP.

I talked to my BFF over the weekend and she, too - was full of insight and wisdom. I do enjoy the fact that out of the blue, when you least expect it, you get INSIGHT and another point of view that just sort of slaps you upside the head and makes complete sense. "Why didn't I think of that before?" you wonder to yourself? Why didn't your own brain turn on the over head light to that room of thought? This is why we have good dear friends and hold them close. They are the eyes for us when we are blinded by stupid. (Thank you Vickie!)

I went to see my high school friends for dinner on Friday night. Woot. What a hoot. We got to see Susie, who we've not seen for year and years. I had a blast. Much laughter took place. I bet we were loud. (OK, no bets about it - we WERE loud!) We decided to order dessert for dinner. Sometimes, one must order dessert first and just let one's hair down.

August 29, 2011 - Holy Crap - only three days left of August! Speed o Light, I tells ya - time zooms by at the speed of light. Sigh.

Taffy got another mouse! We've never had a mouse issue before. (Maybe we did and the late great Muffy kept it in check so we never SAW mice...) My husband saw Taffy flinging another mouse around the other night on a midnight pee run, and then the next morning saw him playing with that mouse who was now deceased. My husband praised Taffy up and down then flushed the mouse. He said this mouse was more of a field mouse type with longer back legs as opposed to the first mouse Taffy got, who was more of a house mouse. Technical terms for mice there... Nonetheless, Taffy is more than earning his keep and he seems ever so happy to be stuck indoors as long as he has a mouse to catch once in a while, which makes me think he's sending out little invitations to rodents just to entertain himself...

My daughter came home for the week last Monday. She brought my grandcat Rocko, who was NOT happy to be at Grandma's house. She went out for the night with her boyfriend and left Rocko with us, and he was so upset he puked every six seconds. Growl - Hiss - Puke - Cry. And repeat. Needless to say Rocko was NOT happy with his cousins the dogs, so on Tuesday Rocko went to stay at his 'uncle's house' who has no other critters. He seemed to be fine there. I felt bad that Rocko was scared here. But, then again, if I was a cat from Chicago and had two country dog noses up my butt constantly, I wouldn't be happy either.

My daughter cooked with me last week, and that was nice. She got some training on fixing quick but healthy dinners. It was fun being able to share my kitchen knowledge with her. When they were all home on Saturday - I fixed cabbage rolls and that was not well received. They decided they were not hungry. Smile.

My wee one stopped in on Saturday when my daughter came home to get ready to leave again for Chicago. He has always treated me in a way I feel is 'not nice' and it's a known fact, so I'm not sure why I am shocked when he continues to treat me like that. He pushes my buttons, he does. He knows he does, hence he pushes harder. I got a bit flustered as he doesn't keep up with his college email and he doesn't have that drive to KNOW what is going on so close to college time start up and I do, so that just breeds a spastic mother who is not taken well by an 18 year old male. I decided on Saturday night I'm not going to worry about him anymore. I will just assume he can handle life and if he has questions I will be more than willing to help. Sigh. I love my babies, but they are just that and always will be - MY BABIES - even if they are 18, 23, and 30 years old and I will always worry... Man, paybacks are hell! How did my parents do it without the internet and no cell phones? It must have been quite hard. At least now I can stalk my kids on Facebook and know they are still alive! Sigh.

September 1, 2011 - September ALREADY? No, I'm afraid someone has it all wrong! It can't be! I refuse to believe it! My oldest son, my daughter, and my husband all have Birthdays this month. I would also like to point out that I did not have to buy any school supplies for anyone this year. It's a point worth noting. (Loans for college do not count...)

Today is my Friday. I am off tomorrow and next week. I can't wait. I am just going to do what I WANT TO DO and I will enjoy it very much. Oh, sure - there is house work and yard work and such, but I will do those things because I want to do those things and when I want to do them and I may even choose NOT to do them, I'm such a rebel. The main goal is to be away from work for a few days without thinking about work and just forgetting I have to work for a living for a week will be very nice. This all sounds very selfish when I read the paragraph again, but oh well. I'm am going to be selfish. I have always taken the first week off after school starts to be 'alone' without the kids, now that I ponder it. It's in my genetic makeup now, and who am I to argue with genetics.

My BFF comes up from Florida this month. I feel bad as I kind of promised her a football game, but of course the night we get her there are no hometown football games. We will still gather together as a herd nonetheless and celebrate breathing. Always a good thing to be joyous about.

I get my hair cut tonight. I AM SO EXCITED! I have the whole 'shaggy dog' look going on plus I can't wait to see Terri. She knows I go all Zen when someone touches my hair, and she lets me get all Zen and leaves me alone and does her job. That is a good hairdresser. Plus she pampers me.  Someone who knows what you like the best is a valuable thing... she could color my hair purple and spike it like a porcupine as long as she was touching it, I wouldn't care. Contented Sigh... (I just looked at my archives, and have not been in for a hair cut since April! Holy Crap!! No wonder I'm so shaggy!) I wanted a haircut because my husband has arranged a 'play date' with another couple for Friday. (Not a play date, but I've been calling it that because it makes me giggle - we are going to dinner actually!) I cannot tell you how happy I am that he took the initiative to do this. Really. A big step for him. I wish he'd gotten this brave back in the early 80s. So Friday night we'll have dinner with his best friend and his wife, who I have yet to meet. I have to be able to see her to talk to her, hence the need for an emergency hair cut.

The constellation Orion is in the South East sky when I first let the doggies out in the morning around 5:30 a.m., so that is my wake up call that Fall is soon to follow. I have noticed the hummingbird numbers are increasing at the hummingbird feeder, too. I wasn't going to make new sugar water after the last batch, since I figured the hummingbirds should be packing up to go back to college or where ever they go in the fall, but that did NOT go over well with the little hummers. So I made ONE LAST BATCH of sugar water and they keep coming in droves. There are a total of 16 sippy holes on the two hummingbird feeders I have, but ONLY ONE bird can eat at a time since they are so ultra possessive of their stupid sugar water. Cripes. They act like - well, HUMANS.

I believe my youngest was in the local paper yesterday There was a story about his college band going to Grand Rapids, and low and behold the picture showed the trombones practicing. I think that was my son's head in the shot in the paper. I was quite thrilled. (I say 'think' because to ME it was HIM, but I've been known to think he was him in other situations where it turned he wasn't him and I would make the worst mother penguin ever...but I digress...) Then the local news did a 'live' new story on the band up in Grand Rapids doing a pep rally, but the new lady stood right next to the drum line and she couldn't hear and was yelling the story - it was kind of funny.  Never set up a live news shot next to a drum line. You just end up smiling a lot and nodding. (Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger, Pepsi - no Coke!)

September 4, 2011 - Ah, vacation. Gots to love it. I got my hairs cut Thursday night after work and felt so much like a human again, I can't even begin to explain it. I lied, too. Terri said I had my hair done right before the wee one's grad party in June, so it hasn't been since April. All I know is I love having my hair touched and Terri took her time and let me Zen out and it was a very good way to kick off a vacation. Got jumped on by my chiro, too - which was a wonderful thing. There are people that would never go to a chiropractor or there are the people who love their chiropractor - I don't think there is a middle ground here. I swear by it so I am on the 'love' side. He has been working on my elbow since my high speed gravel impact in June. My right leg is fixed now, and I have NO pain or issues with it but my right elbow is not playing well and it still has its moments. However, after the last visit to the chiro I can almost straighten out my right arm!! Woot. It won't be long now and I can go back to my former career as a pitcher for some famous baseball team.

Friday was also fun. I went in the morning to get a pedicure. Why? I don't know. I had the extra cash. I wanted to do something that would be considered extravagant. I wanted to celebrate my vacation. I also didn't want to bend over and cut my own toe nails, geez! (Not really - but I did want to do something 'fancy' and all...) I do not get polish on my toe nails, since I am a notorious bare footed hoofer and I also am not all that girly but it was nice to get the callouses scraped off once again. I do not consider getting a pedicure as fun as getting my hair played with. But still, it was nice.

My husband's arranged play date with the other couple was a hoot. We had dinner outside at a restaurant by a lake, which was a miserable experience since it was so hot and humid but we did not want to wait for an hour for a table inside, so we opted to suffer. (Besides, it's always good to sweat to death in front of new people to impress them, right?) We did have an umbrella over the table to block the sun a little. My left elbow got sunburned. I have not seen Tom since 1979 and would have never guessed that was him until he spoke! He looks good and his wife, Sally, is a hoot. We had dinner then went back to their place and talked for an hour. Since I was driving and my night vision sucks, I made my husband leave at 8:30 p.m. so I could manage to see enough to get home.

Saturday we went grocery shopping and we spent an hour and a half in the store! Hahaha. You know you are getting older when you take the time to compare all the pricing for specials (is it a special, really??) and read all the ingredients in on the box. I had plopped two 20 pound bags of bird food in my cart that were buy one, get one free, until we came around the corner and saw a 40 pound bag of bird food for 3 dollars less. Back went the two bags, in went the big old cheap bag. Birds don't care, as long as you feed 'em. I also got two overweight but adorable ceramic ducks to put by my front door. All the garden stuff was on clearance. I had to have the three dollar ducks.

We went to dinner Saturday night to finish watching the U of M and Western football game. Football is OK, I suppose, but my interest as we all knows is the marching band. I did not see my wee one there at "the big house" and they called the game in the third quarter due to weather and WMU getting beaten severely. The local newspaper, however, did post a video of the band which thrilled me to death, and my wee one was right in front! Woot. (Stole the picture on the left from that video - the wee one is right there in the front.) It was ever so hot on the field for the kids. I think they said it ranged from 110 to 130 when the newscasters did temperature checks. I am glad they didn't have to wear their full uniform! They took them, but the got to wear their practice shorts. (Please note I only know this from research and talking to other parents. I have not heard from the wee one since he started band camp. I can't wait until he's older and actually misses me enough to call like my older two. I'm not complaining, mind you - just sayin'...)

The kids are in Chicago with their sister right now as I type. The boys left last night after the wee one got home from the game and hopefully showered and got some clean clothes. They are all herding off to a concert in Rockford, Illinois at the Waterfront Festival. Then the boys return home tomorrow sometime, just in time for the wee one to sharpen a pencil and get ready for his first day of college. Viva higher education and student loans!

Guess I will go start my official third day of vacation. I got up at five a.m. exactly, unable to sleep any longer. So far sleeping in has eluded me. Sigh. Oh well - I'm still not at work, right? Smile.

September 5, 2011 - I slept until seven a.m.! Day Four of Vacation and I slept in! Yay! I had hoped for sleeping in until nine or so, but let's face it - I have the bladder of a tiny mouse, and I was literally stretching it to get to seven a.m. We are lucky there were not torrential rains and mudslides.

My wee one called me yesterday after the older kids read the blog and forced him to call me. I was good to hear his voice, nonetheless, and he was quite excited about band at WMU. Now, if all his classes he's signed up for could be taught on a football field, we'd be set now wouldn't we?

Today is a picnic at my friend's house to celebrate Labor Day, and I made a Spicy Chicken Pasta Salad to take. My husband says it's "O.K." but when he says anything I make is "O.K." he means, "Really, you should taste it - it's not up to par - I am doubting this is a good dish to take..." So off I go to do my own taste testing. Wish me luck.

September 7, 2011 - Day Six of vacation. Today was a fun day. I did nothing. Absolutely NOTHING. Well, not entirely true - we had the septic pumped as a preventative measure. We thought we were being quite pro-active pumping early and all. However, when the guys couldn't find the tank and had to dig, I decided to print off a picture or two I took during the installation of the new drain field and tank. THAT THING WAS PUT IN IN 2006!  Holy Crap! Literally. It's been 5 years! With the aid of their pokin' stick and the pictures, they were able to find the tank and the cement lid. "Can't believe you guys didn't put in a riser!" the one man said. "What's a riser?" I asked.

He explained it's a plastic pipe sort of thing they cement in over the tank hole and is covered by a lid that is bolted down with three screws. "That way, next time you get her pumped, it's just three screws out and bam! Pumped!" I authorized them to install one. I didn't want to go through another hour of digging (next time we forget to have our septic pumped until another five years from now) so it seemed logical. The boys doing the dirty work also stated that really it should be pumped every two years. "Every YEAR if you have kids at home!" one of them said. (What happens to my lower intestines when I drink coffee in the morning might still keep us in the category of every year...)

Then they asked me if I had changed the direction of the drain field valve recently. "What drain field valve?" I asked.

Did you know that if you have a drain field, you have a drain field valve? I never knew. Heck, I just thought that white thingy sticking up from the ground in the front yard was put there for me to plant geraniums around. He showed me how to pull off the cap and with a proper tool, flip the valve to the 'other side' and he told me not to switch it again for two years since we had drained in to the one side for five years. "Give it an extra year to dry up, then switch it every Labor Day!" You could tell he was proud that he was educating this old woman. He made me turn the valve two times to 'get the feel of it" and all. I asked my husband about that tonight, and he said they never explained that way back when, and they never offered him a riser. My husband is good with maintenance duties, so if they had told him to switch the valve, he would have been switching the valve. It would have been a family event - we would have scheduled clowns and a picnic around the switching of the valve, had we known.

Oh, and when they finally got to the tank and began pumping, of course I had to go look at the contents since I was partially responsible for it. While I was standing there watching the poop go up the hose, I could smell the nicest smell. An odd place to be to smell something that reminded me of incense. "Wow, do you guys have like a little sprayer that shoots out incense when you pump?" I said. I was being totally sincere as I was standing right over a 1000 gallon tank with crap in it and all I could smell was this lovely, peaceful smell. "Oh, sure, lady! No extra charge for that!" one of the guys laughed. I did not know he was being sarcastic and he thought I was joking. I could have sworn they were spritzing something in the air. I thought that was a lovely idea. Take the dread out of the honey wagon visit, as it were.

When I got in the house I could still smell it. I was just amazed. I wrote to my friend Kathy that it was just like incense in a Catholic church kind of smell.* Kathy wrote back to ask what I was eating to make my crap smell so good because she wanted some of that stuff, too. It finally dawned on me after the happy septic workers left, that is was ME that smelled so good. Hahahahaha. It made me laugh out loud. It made the dogs bark when I laughed long and hard when I realized it was my COAT that smelled so nice from the new fabric softener I had used, and all that time I thought it was some new fan-dangled smell control contraption on honey wagon. Ah, it's the little things. I really need to get out more.

So that was my day on this, Day Six of my Vacation. I did run to the store once and I did manage to squeeze in a nap. Ah, my sheets smell like the septic tank truck!...

* I only refer to this as a 'Catholic church kind of smell' as it is my only personal point of reference for what I was smelling at the time. This was in no way a slam to the Catholic Churches of the world. Some of us non-Catholics have fond memories of being in a Catholic church for weddings or funerals (those, not so fond - more 'sad' really) of the different smells and experiences, and the smell I was smelling reminded me of that. So don't sue me, OK? Seems like nowadays everyone is suing everyone else over being alive. Very upsetting to me. Every other commercial on T.V. is about getting in on a law suit against this company or that and people all over our great U.S. sue other people if they looked at them wrong. What is wrong with you people? Where did our manners go? If you don't like something, don't look at it/do it/swallow it/smell it. God gave us each one brain so please start using them. The world owes no one a living, really - no matter what you've been taught or what you see in the media. OH, the MEDIA - I could go on about the MEDIA...but I digress...

September 8, 2011 - Day Seven of Vacation - I woke up at seven a.m. I tossed and turned all night. I didn't want to sleep. It was, perhaps, the nap I took. I thought a LOT during all that tossing and turning, however. My poor brain was put through the wringer. I just looked at myself in the mirror and my hair is in curls that are all pushed to the top of my head. I look like Medusa, but with Slinkys instead of snakes. I spent my night thinking about a lot of stuff...

I thought about politics. I am not verbal in this blog about politics, and it won't start now. I have my views. I have several friends who are VERY verbal about politics. They speak loudly plus carry a big stick when it comes to government. They know they are right and everyone else is wrong. I just know what I feel is right and wrong - and often the people we elected have no clue or if they started with a clue, they lost it once they got to the House or Senate. I wish above all things they would work together. Start at the basics and just be working professionals. I have issues with some people at work, but I treat them with the same respect as I do people I consider personal friends at work. I am ashamed at how we have allowed ourselves to be portrayed in the media and to the world. One stupid move is shot around the globe at the speed of WiFi. "Hey, look at us, we don't play well with others and we are greedy STILL even though we just went through a really bad time, plus we think of no one but ourselves!"

I thought about housework. I did nothing that could be considered housework yesterday. Besides the septic tank excitement, I did NOTHING constructive, and to my amazement the dirt and dog hair and dishes and laundry are STILL THERE to be dealt with today. Amazing. I had hoped some little union of elves would show up last night and do all that, but alas - they are on strike apparently. Today I will move and clean and put my little house back in order. But what does it matter when the Sun is going to become a red giant in a billion years? Why even TRY I ask!?

I was sad about all the rash of killing sprees I've read about in the news last few months. People taking out whole families then shooting themselves. People shooting innocent bystanders then killing themselves. People going on a multi-state killing spree before killing themselves. Wouldn't it be more efficient to just SHOOT YOURSELF TO START WITH and not kill all those innocent people? I could never understand how anyone could take another life on purpose. It scares me that there are people out there who don't have any respect for human life. This baffles me. Why?

I worried about the kids for a while, then decided that now it was up to them to make life work. We've officially raised the babies and pushed them out of the nest and such. Fly, little birdies, Fly! (Of course, they are always welcome home in the event of a disaster, but they know that.)

I worried about family. I don't mention names in this blog about family nor do I discuss their situations. I started this blog to vent way back in 1999, and if I can't vent in a round about way without naming names, it's time to stop blogging - but that doesn't stop me from worrying about family in my head personally. Sigh. Ugh, humans. Stop the world, I wanna get off!

Nope, not gonna take a nap today. Don't want a repeat of last night's think fest, although I believe there are times the brain needs a walk about - time to NOT dream to work out information and sort it but an actual thinking process to sort out the crap that gets shoved in our heads on a daily basis.

Time to chose my battle - and today my battle will be fought with window cleaner and a vacuum...

September 13, 2011 - Ah, vacation was marvelous. I went back to work yesterday feeling quite refreshed and ready to conquer. I actually still feel that way today! Good feeling. Hope it last until Thursday...I felt like a Duchess at work yesterday, flowing through the crowd as if in a lovely chiffon dress and greeting everyone with a loud "How are you, Dahling!?"

Last Friday I had my last outing as a free woman and went to Barnes and Noble and got myself seven new books by Terry Pratchett. I am reading his Discworld Series. I had finished all the books my oldest son got me last Christmas and needed to continue on. I am so glad I did not get those books early in the week or I would have never moved from my chair and my eyes would be hanging by their nerve endings by now. I love reading very much.

On Saturday I went to a Grand Opening of a store in Paw Paw Michigan called 'Growing Greener Gardens." I went because I saw they had posted pictures of fairy garden items. Since I got those cool little door/windows from neighbor Sue, I have just been fascinated by the littler stuff. My husband and I went to the store and I bought fairy garden stuff. As I posted on Facebook - "...once your kids leave the house, you have to start raising imaginary things..."  You will notice that Gollum (from Lord of the Rings) has moved in. My husband was looking at it and said, "You know, you will have to do things to it to keep it seasonal, right?" Hahahaha. And so it begins...



On Sunday my boys came over for a home cooked meal. They wanted chili, but since I had just made that earlier in the week, I told them to pick something else. They opted for lasagna. My first thought was, "Hmmm, the wee one probably has not had a vegetable since July. How can I add extra veggies to this meal without him knowing???"  I know he loves pumpkin bread, so I made pumpkin bread but put in a bit more pumpkin and used whole wheat flower and agave syrup instead of sugar. Then in the lasagna I did one layer of zucchini squash cut VERY thinly. I thought for sure the boy would not notice this sneaky move of mine. Alas, twas not to be, he detected a seed after two bites. He still ate it, however. Smile. As a matter of fact and per tradition, I made him several small loaves of pumpkin bread that he eats whole and out of hand like a edible brick. It was so nice to see the boys. My wee one ACTUALLY DID REAL COLLEGE HOMEWORK after dinner!!! He was not feeling well (because everyone knows every child in the world gets sick the first week of school) so I also forced him to take vitamin C and drink orange juice. That little bit-o-mothering should last me until next weekend when my daughter will be home for her and her Dad's birthdays.

September 21, 2011 - Man, am I behind the times for updating! Hmmmm, what has happened since I last posted...

My hair at this very moment is doing it's best impression of a Dr. Seuss character ever done, I can tell you that much. I have curly hair, and when left to it's own devices will do odd things overnight. I have been trying to blow it out in to more of a manageable pile but during sleep one cannot control their hair, can they?

Thursday night I took my husband to the restaurant of his choice for his Birthday meal. We went to Cracker Barrel. I like that place because their portions are human sized, not too much. We ended dinner with a wonderful little cup of pumpkin custard. Who would have thought something so simple would be so delicious? As soon as we were back in the car, my youngest called us from our house wondering where we were. "Um, we're out to dinner for YOUR DAD'S BIRTHDAY..." I said in a subtle, not critical motheryly sort of way. The wee one has always been horrible about birthdays and such for his immediate family. I told him to tell his Dad "Happy Birthday" and shoved the phone to my husband. The wee one did just that, I could hear him, then he went on to tell his Dad something else. It turns out he said, "Happy Birthday Dad! My blower fan for my heater doesn't work in my car..." We headed home and the wee one fixed himself a box of mac 'n cheese while he waited. We don't have food in the house anymore that he likes, so he was lucky there was a random box of that in the cupboard.

The wee one's car was packed full of bags and leftovers from eating at fast food places. He warned his Dad about this. My husband did an initial check on the fan, but decided that he'd have to wait until he had more time, such as on the weekend. So we sat in the living room talking to our youngest about school and such, when my husband said after stewing in his chair for a while, "Maybe I will go look at it again..." I said, "No! It's your Birthday - the boy can wait. He can come over, clean out his car, and help you this weekend." So it was decided. The wee one would have to pray for no frost mornings until Sunday. Plus the wee one got a lecture about carrying lunch instead of eating out all the time... (Required by law, ya know...the lecture part...)

My daughter was home for the weekend, and on Friday night she and I and her Dad got our hairs cut. We had a hoot with Terri, our go to hair girl. I believe she may have peed herself from laughing so hard. (Our family, as a collective group, can be very funny.)

Saturday, I watered my neighbor's flowers in the morning then watered my flowers. It was such a beautiful day out!! I took my time and talked to the plants. I hope no one was watching... Then we had lunch with my husband's side of the family. That is always fun! The kids were off to the Western Michigan vs Central Michigan game. The wee one marching, of course, and my daughter and her herd of friends, being alumni and all, had to go to support the team. I made molasses cookies and a birthday cake for Sunday. The house smelled of fall and coziness.

Sunday we had pizza for lunch and ice cream and cake to celebrate the two birthdays. (We did it early since my daughter had to catch a train back to Chicago at 2:30.) After we stuffed ourselves, Dad and the wee one went out to conquer the blower in the wee one's car. It ended up they had to go buy a new motor/fan and such (I guess, I didn't pay much attention) which made my wee one sad as that is MORE money going out of his wallet... Had to be done, though - soon it will be frosty every morning. Hard to drive when you cannot see. I sent the leftover cake home with the boys and threw the last of the ice cream away. Me and cake cannot be in the same house together. I have a PPO out on cake with frosting on it. If it's around me, it's in me belly.

So that we my weekend more or less. (The Reader's Digest version, at least.) The week is already half over and the cycle continues. I was watching stars this morning as I always do when there are clear skies in the darkness of the wee hours of the a.m.  I might have been looking for the UARS satellite that is due to come 'back home' this week. To comfort people, they say there is only a one in 3200 chance you will wake up with a piece of it on your face. So that's good. It reminds me of when Skylab was inbound back in 1979. What goes up must come back down. Pray you are in the 3200 hundred other places this next week...

I also noticed, while looking at the stars, that since I was intentionally looking for something shiny with motion, I saw a lot of it. After focusing on the object, however, I realized I was the one making the thing move to ME, as in reality the star was not moving at all. This made me laugh and sigh. Humans can see whatever they want to see when they want to see it. I blame it on the brain. The brain is a grand master of jokes, and how many times have our brains sat around all bored and such, and said to the other organs in our bodies, "Hey, watch this - I'm going to make her see a UFO!!" Humans can so misled. And then we believe the stuff we 'saw' when in fact it was probably an errant firefly looking for one last good time before winter...

This can also be applied to what humans hear verbally. "Don't believe what you see" should also be applied "Don't believe what you hear unless you check on Snopes first or do some research..." Sigh. I was going to the store on lunch hour yesterday and was scanning the radio channels. I pushed the button too late on a song I liked, and got the next channel which was broadcasting the Rush Limbaugh show. I was just aghast at the things coming out of his mouth. I listened for five minutes before I just shut the radio off. If you don't like something, stop looking or turn it off, is my motto.

I prayed last night, as I do every night before I attempt to sleep, that all humans could get a 'clue' - such as the people who still think white people are the only good race on earth - those people need a clue. If they had been born blind and deaf, they would give a rat's hind end about what race they were or anyone else was. I prayed for the Westboro Baptist people who think they are the only true religion on earth. Basically, I stopped praying for individual groups and people and just asked God to make each one of less less stupid. That should help. I imagine I'm on a long waiting list for that request to go through...

September 22, 2011 - The dogs are not happy with me at the moment. They have been staring at me for over an hour, wondering why I don't use my opposable thumbs as intended to get them their breakfast. Since Jake has to go in to get a tooth pulled, he cannot eat. If he can't eat, Kia can't eat. I will feed her after I get him in the car here in about a half an hour. She will go nuts without her brother today, I can see it already. Jake is such a sissy boy that I can only imagine how much fun he will be after being sedated for a tooth to be pulled and his teeth being cleaned. Sigh. At least they will cut his nails while he's under. Something we cannot do since he is, as I say, such a big sissy boy, but a STRONG sissy boy who can throw off all the males in my house who are trying to hold him down for me to attempt to trim his nails...

Mike at work reminded me (after I told him how I was so upset by what Rush Limbaugh had said) that Rush serves a purpose. Just like Howard Stern, Rush is doing it for the theatrical value. Rush makes you think. You may be upset by what he said, but it's to make you think for yourself, really. So I wasn't so upset anymore. Thank you, Mike. Everything kind of serves a purpose in life, from mosquitoes to Limbaughs.

Dog are still staring - big doleful eyes... "Why are you not feeding us? Don't you love us?" Ugh. Suppose I should go and get ready to haul the big sissy boy to the veterinarians. Viva critters.

September 25, 2011 - Jake has survived his visit to the vets for his tooth extractions and cleaning. Kia, on the other hand, barely survived. Those two have never been apart, which was apparent when I came home to check on Kia at lunch time on Thursday. She was running in circles whimpering and wanted outside. I let her out and I could hear her howling in the saddest howl ever howled. It broke my heart. When I let her in she ran upstairs and there she stayed...

I got Jake from the vet's after work on Thursday. He had to have three teeth pulled due to infection of the nerves, plus the teeth cleaning, plus they clipped his very long nails down to nubbins. I have never, in my lifetime, had a pet in to the vet for dental work. Growing up it seemed to me that pet's teeth were self maintaining. I never would have dreamed I would be having a dog get a cleaning and tooth extractions, to be honest... Jake was groggy, but able to jump in the car just fine. He was drooling bloody spittle, which is to be expected. I remember when I had my wisdom teeth removed, stuff tends to drool out if I recollect correctly.

When I brought him in the house, he just stood there. His head was down and his eyes were glazed and would lean to the right for a while then lean to the left for a while. Oh, and drool. Mustn't forget the drool. I spent the evening with a wash rag at the ready, dabbing up his trail of spit. I thought Kia would be thrilled Jake was home (well, home in body at least, the drugs had his brain occupied and the odd leaning went on for quite a while) and come down stairs and act normal again, but she didn't. She did come and greeted him, then ran back upstairs after observing her brother do his impression of the tinman from the Wizard of Oz. Sigh. Who knows what a dog thinks. Did she think we were going to take her away too? Did her brother's odd behavior scare her? All I knew at the time was I had my hands full with Jake, I wasn't going to attempt psychological therapy with Kia.

The best part of the night was giving Jake his pills. He has to take three antibiotic capsules in the morning and three at night. (Plus, if he needs it, a pain pill the size of a small space craft.) I knew he had not eaten for a whole 24 hours, so I just stuck the pills through a small chunk of turkey SPAM (yes, apparently they make SPAM out of any and all species) and Jake swallowed it whole. Problem solved.

He is back to normal now. He just had to sleep off the anesthesia. You couldn't tell he had three teeth ripped out of his face, the way he inhales his dinners. And may I say, his teeth are just stunning.

Friday was fun. My BFF was up from Florida to see her Dad. I took Friday off to see her. Her Dad brought her down to my house and we went to have lunch and chat a bit. Then I brought her back to my house to razzle and dazzle her with my boring life. The dogs entertained her and Taffy put on a show for her. After my husband got home we sat around talking until it was time to go to dinner with the gang. Herding together with my friends is always a hoot, I have to say. We laugh. We laugh with abandon. It is good therapy for any soul. (Although I pity the people sitting near us as we are also loud laughers and tend to scare small children.) We stayed out with the gang until 8 p.m. (which is pushing it for us old folks) and as we were getting ready to take my BFF back to her Dad's house, we got a call from her Aunt. Seems Dad had some breathing issues and took himself to the hospital. A sad damper for her after such a fun night. We hurried her home, getting the green lights all the way until my husband mentioned it out loud and jinxed us, of course, then we started getting red lights... (I called her Saturday morning and from what she said, Dad was OK and was going to take her to the airport and all...)

Today my boys come home and we have my oldest son's birthday dinner. He requested either pigs in a blanket (with bacon) or BLTs (with extra bacon) or anything with bacon. And for his cake, he wanted creme de menthe brownies. I made the brownies last night and got the supplies for pigs in a blanket. (With bacon, of course). Then it's the premier of the Simpsons and I hope they stay long enough to watch that with me. It is normally a family event. I hope my daughter watches it in Chicago, too. She will be with us in spirit.

I have decided that walnuts nature's bubble wrap. Our street, and the next street - OK, the greater tri-city area, has many walnut trees. The trees are dropping their nuts at this time. (I am also convinced squirrels roll the ones that don't hit the street in to the road so cars shuck them and save the squirrels the trouble, but that is just an theory on my part.) You can hear cars coming because of the cartoon like AK-47 assault rifle sounds of them running over walnuts. In some cases, it sounds like someone rolled out strips of bubble wrap in the road, and all you hear is "pow pow pow pow pop..." This humors me to no end. For some reason I've noticed it more this year than in the past. My world is full of nuts this year.


My neighbor's brought me presents for watering their flowers. A box of delicious fudge from Mackinaw Island (which is long gone - they were not even back in their own yard before we had torn in to that...) and a glow ball for my flower garden. However, the glow ball is in my house now in my one of my spider plants. One cannot enjoy a glow-in-the-dark orb if it's outside, now can one? No! I charged her up the other night while I was reading, then sat in the chair after turning out the light and just stared at it. I am a sucker for glowing items and holographic items and such. Like a crow, I am. Last night I got up to potty and the glowing in the side room startled me for a bit. Hahahaha. "Oh yeah, that's my ball!"

Suppose if I were a good woman, I'd log off my blog and go sweep. It is important for me to sweep well before the wee one shows up. I am sure after all those years of forcing him to sweep, then sweep AGAIN because he did not do it correctly that he's playing critic now when he comes over to judge the hairlessness of the floors. Smile.

October 3, 2011 - A new month ALREADY. I stress the ALREADY as time lately, or the concept of it, eludes me. Sigh.

My daughter had computer trouble over the weekend. The urge to jump in the car and drive to Chicago was strong. However, there comes a time when your kids have to either figure it out themselves or call the Geek Squad. Still, it's in my genetic make up to sprout wings and fly to their rescue if I could... She's also sick on top of that. Sigh. At least her boyfriend was there this weekend to dote on her so that made me feel better. Plus her big brother talked her through some things on the computer end which was kind of him.

The boys did not come over for a meal this weekend, so it was just us old codgers. Saturday morning started out with my husband waking me up and saying he needed to go to immediate care. So I threw on clothes and off we went. He was in a lot of pain in his stomach area and lower back. Normally I would have given him two tums and told him to quit whining, but since we're at that age where back pain or stomach pain or any type of pain can indicate a heart attack, I didn't argue one bit that he should go in.

So in we went. He got registered and taken back to the treatment area. (They have a chart on the wall for pain - smiley faces ranging from 1 to 9, with the happy face not so happy as the numbers increase. He indicated at the time his not so happy face was at level = 8.) He got to donate a urine sample to check for infection. The doctor came in and pushed and prodded him. He checked vitals and such. Then the doctor ordered blood work and then xrays of my husbands gut area. In the mean time, they brought in a needle full of pain killer and shot him in his bum area. "It burns!" he grimaced... Then ten minutes later he was sleeping peacefully on the gurney, snoring away like a baby. (Happy face level = 1.)

The doctor finally came back in and said the xrays showed some blockage up by his liver (in the bowel area, not in the liver itself) and suggested he come home, take some Ducolax and he also prescribed some pain meds and an anti inflammatory to help with the swelling in his stomach area. My husband apologized for the 'false' alarm as it were. If you are in that much pain, you expect something like, "Oh, your pancreas has exploded" or "I fear there is a large gnome dwelling in your lower intestines and he has invited friends over" as opposed to "you have a chunk of poo caught cross wise..."  I explained to him that we never know what is going on inside - and who were we to know if it was kinked up poop or a massive heart attack waiting to happen? I would rather deal with errant pooh than perform CPR on the living room floor, to be quite honest.

Sunday I did some house work and got rid of a couple of plants outside that had given up the fight to stay alive. (It was 34 degrees when I woke up on Sunday, but it "felt like 30" per the Weather Channel. You know it was cold as the roofs in the area were all frosty looking...) I got myself two scarecrow thingys (they are cute goobers, with a bamboo post shoved up their nether regions to stake them into the ground) and put them outside. At any given time they were swinging around with glee in the wind and always ended up facing the house. This made the dogs very paranoid and I have a front window covered with dog snot to prove that fact. I finally tied their hands together so they wouldn't twist around all the time. Now I have two cheap scarecrows out front, holding hands, looking all fall like. When my husband saw those guys, he said, "Man, you need grand kids..."

My friend Kathy sent me daffodil bulbs for an early Birthday present, so I must get those planted this week. I have been trying to decide where to put them. I want to be able to see them, mind you, when they bloom, but I also want them to BLOOM next spring, so getting them in a spot which is not infested with moles and a main path for deer is hard in this yard. I have decided to spread them out in various places. One of them is bound to survive...

So, I am off to start my new week. It is the year anniversary of my gall bladder/hernia surgery! I just re-read my tales from the O.R. from that day last year and laughed. Seems like it never happened at all.... I am happy, however, to have my belly button back! You can take belly buttons for granted, you know.

October 6, 2011 - I read an article in the Washington Post on line titled "Roving armadillos could be heading for the Washington area..." This pleased me. Not because the poor things are way out of their normal spot in life and are now getting dispersed all over the country, but it reminded me of when I was young and the time I found and armadillo. Everyone said I was nuts because I told them I had found and armadillo. Mind you, it was when I was 11 or so and I maybe a bit nuts in general - but I did find an armadillo in my Mom's flower bed. I was either in 5th grade or 6th, and was out goofing around on the stoop out back and I am not sure why I was digging in Mom's flower bed. (You know me, I was always a fan of dirt interaction...) I found a small curled up armadillo who was not happy with my intrusion at all. I can't even remember if anyone was home to show it to? I am pretty sure I would have shown my brother.

I picked it up and it was all curled up and I uncurled him and he curled up and I knew instinctively that it was an armadillo. (Had the internet been around back then, I would have hauled my find in the house and searched on line.) However, I had to go with the little limited knowledge in my wee brain. I knew it was an armadillo. I buried him back since he was none too pleased with me manhandling him, and tried to explain my findings to my Mom, I'm sure. I believe I even tried to show her where he was at, but the goober had made a break for it.  I don't think anyone believed me. I think maybe my parents gave each other those "looks" parents give each other (as they secretly blame each other mentally for passing on such a flaw to their child at the time of conception or perhaps pondering if I had gotten in to some chemicals in the garage...) Nonetheless, reading that article made me smile and think to myself that after all these years, I was justified.

Taffy the Cat, who is supposed to be dying of feline leukemia, is doing a spectacular job of living in the meantime. There are nights when the dogs are upstairs sound asleep and Taffy is free to be himself and out in the living room you hear a deep throated guttural sound in a manly caterwauling type way as if he's ready to rip someone's head off, then you hear a gentle "jingle jingle jingle" as he attacks his 'prey' which happens to be a several pink fluff balls with jingle bells inside. This goes on for quite a long time sometimes and always makes me laugh out loud, which inspires him to run in and walk up the length of my body, then head butting me as if to say, "Yeah, it was close, but you are safe now from that evil thing! I killed it!!" Then off he goes again, and the pattern repeats - "I WILL KILL YOU!" - happy tinkle fairy sounds - "ROAR!" - jingle jingle jingle. This endears me to him more than he could know. I adore that stupid cat.

I bought myself two five dollar scarecrows for the yard. I thought they were cute. I thought they would add a touch of flair to the yard for fall. My husband saw them and mumbled, "Cripes, woman, you need some grandkids!" (I am sure he figured I'd turn in to the type of lady who fills her yard with all sorts of goofy stuff for lack of better things to do. I told him he's lucky I didn't make him in to a live scarecrow with a pole up his butt to which he countered he just didn't want me getting one of the yard decorations of the fat woman bending over with bloomers and I assured him 'why buy one when I can do it well enough myself live and in person' but I digress...)

The dogs saw these two new 'people' in the yard and wouldn't shut up for a hour. They barked and snotted up my front window. This was the day the wind was to pick up drastically, so I hauled them in the house for the evening as they were spinning so fast at times I was afraid they would launch and impale themselves into some innocent bystander. Once the dogs met the scarecrow couple and stopped barking at them, they hit it off so it's not an issue anymore. The next day I put them back out front and to prevent them from spinning into oblivion at every wind gust, I tied their 'hands' together with a twisty tie. Now my scarecrow couple are holding hands and seem very stable and happy. And as a gesture of good will to show my husband I wasn't going to go all 'yard crap crazy' I got another yard stake of pumpkins for Halloween. Smile.

October 11, 2011 - Another year older am I. Wiser? Stay tuned... This is always questionable.

I got my period for my an early Birthday present. My body is so thoughtful. How generous was that?! It was not an ordinary run of the mill cycle, it was a kick butt and take names type of 'MY UTERUS IS FALLING OUT DUE TO INTERNAL FERAL CATS ' and 'SOMEONE PLEASE SHOOT ME' kind of period. Yay!

My daughter had sent a gift to me as she was not able to make it home for my Birthday. That came on Wednesday or Thursday. She told me not to open it until my Birthday on Sunday. Somehow, that box fell open, however, the day I received it - totally accidental, of course. She sent me cool gifts from Lush, a soap store in Chicago. One bar was porridge scented with exfoliating chunks of grains in it. There was a little bar of something else, which smells divine but I can't remember what it was. I also got a hair treatment tub of goo (that really works, by the way, my daughter - you must try it!) and a sampler of Gorilla Perfume. (Gorilla Perfume is a brand name of exotic fragrances.) I am not too sure on the perfume yet. The night the box 'accidentally' fell open I sniffed all eight of them in rapid succession and smeared them on my wrist, too - which ripped a hole in space/time -  so I assume my nose got confused and started calling for back up and completely shut down all together. I will attempt the fragrances one at a time this week...

My Birthday 'weekend' started off on Friday, when the Accounting girls brought in two dozen wedgies for me. (Wedgies, if you are not familiar with the term, are cream filled triangles of dough topped with caramel that taste like they fell from heaven or thereabouts... Considering how many I ate, I think I could be considered legally dead.) Deb got me a warm fuzzy blanket, too, and Celia made me a beautiful purse/tote. They sang to me and made me feel loved. The afternoon crash from the sugar high in the morning was dreadful, however. My husband sent me flowers at work, too, which helped revive my sugar laden soul. After work I stopped at the local Farmer's Market and my soap lady gave me two free bars of her lovely soap! Woot.

Saturday afternoon, when my husband and I were getting ready to go get our Saturday Sundae, my oldest son pulled up. Ta Dah - in the car was my daughter! Surprise. I didn't think she was coming home!! They wanted to drop off my gift, which was a wagon. I had requested a wagon for yard work. Something like a nice small Radio Flyer with removable sides. I got a wagon, alright, but no dinky Radio Flyer. I got a WAGON. Industrial sized! It can hold up to 1000 lbs and you can use it behind a lawn mower. Plus it's my favorite color! I love my wagon Then I kicked the kids out because no one stands between me and my Saturday Sundae...

Sunday the kids brought over the fixings for my Birthday dinner, and my husband grilled the meat. I wanted steak for my dinner. I got steak, and a salad, and cake. Of course, I have to have cake! I drank a few beers and let everyone wait hand and foot on me. I also made my husband hook up the wagon to the lawn mower and take me for a ride around the yard. It was like a mini-hay ride. I giggled. My husband took a sharp right and the wagon spilled me on the ground. I could feel the tumble coming, and I laughed like a heathen. Inside I felt like screaming 'WEEEE!!" and in fact, maybe I did scream it. How fun was that? Lots. After dinner and the cake, I took a nap and left my family to their own devices. Moms can be quite boring, sometimes, when you get right down to it...

Monday at work my coworker Judy brought me Kringles (from Wisconsin, since she had just been there the day before.) Kringles are like a coffee cake and it was delicious. She also got me a decoration for my wall for Halloween - a cool, sparkly spider web array that that looks quite stunning on my wall. My boss bought us all sushi for my Birthday lunch. I love sushi. Yum. I heard someone in the hallway at work say, "Geez, I wish MY birthday lasted for a week!!" Hahaha. Take that you mere mortals!

Being a card carrying member of the AARP, we get their magazine in the mail. Normally I throw all magazines in the bathroom reading basket for later use. There are several Sky & Telescopes in there, some Duluth Trading Company catalogs, and now the AARP magazine... This edition from AARP has Antonio Banderas on the cover. He is in a reflective pose, just staring at you while you poop. I usually replace Antonia with a Sky & Telescope since it's much easier to 'go' when you are staring at Saturn as opposed to a very reflective Antonio... No offense, Mr. B!

October 18, 2011 - There is a cool halo ring around the moon this morning. I always wondered what it meant so I finally looked it up. See below:

"The ring around the Moon is caused by the refraction of Moonlight (which of course is reflected sunlight) from ice crystals in the upper atmosphere. The shape of the ice crystals results in a focusing of the light into a ring. Since the ice crystals typically have the same shape, namely a hexagonal shape, the Moon ring is almost always the same size. Less typical are the halos that may be produced by different angles in the crystals. They can create halos with an angle of 46 degrees.... Folklore has it that a ring around the moon signifies bad weather is coming... The ice crystals that cover the halo signify high altitude, thin cirrus clouds that normally precede a warm front by one or two days. Typically, a warm front will be associated with a low pressure system which is commonly referred to as a storm....
It is believed that the number of stars within a moon halo indicate the number days before bad weather will arrive."
So there you go. Now we know all about a moon halo. I guess there is no excuse not to have answers to questions we have about ANYTHING when the internet is at our fingertips. No more excuses, unless you don't have internet at your fingertips, of course...

I stopped at the doctor's office last week to pay a bill. While I was waiting, I was reading the T.V. where they scroll tips about your health over and over. An older (than me) lady was standing there too, reading the screen. A little blurb came up about how suffering from depression can cause bladder control issues. After reading the screen, I mumbled to myself, "If that's the case, I must be damned near suicidal..." The older lady looked at me, starting laughing loudly, then made a startled face and grabbed in the general direction of her underwear. "Now I'm depressed..." she said.  Hahahahahaha. Bladders - go figure.

I have always been one to be happier on dark and stormy days. Why? I am so not right. Most people need sun and bright stuff to make them happy. I thrive on the cloudy, overcast days. This has always perplexed me throughout my life. I work better (at work) if I close my window blinds. I feel more industrious at home when it's a crappy day outside. Just plain weird. That is one little kink in my DNA that totally got screwed up during incubation. I question it, but I deal with it. Once a cave dweller, always a cave dweller.

It was quite windy last week, and I liked that to the point the leaves were 'self raking' - the wind was blowing East with gusto, so all the leaves went to the back yard. Sure, they are in the back yard and not so much in the front, which gives a person extra time to be lazy with leaf removal, but the fact remains that THEY remain. The wind also blew down lots of limbs in the front, so I got to use my new industrial wagon to tote huge limbs out to the burn pile. I felt very 'handy' hauling those huge limbs on my cool new wagon.

Saturday was my Aunt's Birthday, so my sister and I took her lunch. It was fun hanging around the dining room table talking to my Aunt and Uncle. (I have heard from her since then, so I know we didn't kill her with the meal.) I fixed smoked pork chops with sweet potatoes and apple in a casserole setting. My sister made green bean casserole. Yum. She is now 84 years old. Go Aunt Jean!

Taffy, the cat I 'killed' by letting him get feline leukemia, is so full of piss and vinegar at night it is getting annoying. Last night I was just drifting off to sleep when I heard a loud SMASH. He was apparently playing and running across the couch and then over the end table by the couch, since this morning I found a ceramic leaf I had on display on the end table in pieces on the floor over there. All of Taffy's toys were strewn across the floor this morning as well. Sigh. Kudos to Taffy for having a second childhood and all but the animals are as bad as having three little kids in the house. After I heard the smash and was too tired/lazy to go check it out, Taffy came in the bedroom and headbutted me a few times and talked to me. (Tabby cats seem to 'talk' a lot, or at least all of my Tabby cats I've had have been talkers - what they are saying is anyone's guess. In this case, Taffy was probably saying, "Oh, Man - the dogs knocked over your pretty pretty. I didn't do it, of course, being your favorite and all - but I saw it happen. The dogs are getting out of control! You need to do something about this situation, lady! Plus Jake was in the litter box again! Can't a cat poop in peace?") Sigh. Who needs grand kids when your cat has dementia?

I've been attempting to leave work at lunch so I don't get so stressed out (like I was before vacation and everyone in the greater tri-state area knew it because I was not very pleasant to be around and I had a vendetta to kill all humans) and yesterday I went up to WalMart to get some things at lunch time. On the way back, the song "Take the Long Way Home" by Supertramp came on. I immediately patted my cars dashboard. Back "in the day" my BFF Vickie and I would be cruising in my Pinto wagon and EVERY TIME that song came on my points would break. We'd be stranded. We'd lunge to turn off the radio when we heard the intro to that song. I know it was coincidence that the car would die just as that song came on, but then again - IT WAS FREAKY. I am still paranoid about it to this day. I am not even sure if cars nowadays HAVE points to break, but I do drive a Ford and I am still paranoid, hence the cooing sounds and stroking of the dashboard. Nothing exploded, so all is well.

October 21, 2011 - I don't care about Lindsey Lohan, so I don't read the stories on the news about her. I don't care about the Kardashians, so I don't read the news for them, either. I have no clue who a 'Snooky' is, nor do I care. I don't watch 'reality' T.V. when it's related to stupid people. I do enjoy Pawn Stars and American Pickers on occasion, however. Just sayin'... I am also shocked by the Mexican drug cartel carnage and think to myself if anyone in the U.S.A. would uses illegal drugs would just stop for JUST a DAY - that would hurt the cartels badly. What is the difference between how Hitler treated the world as opposed to the chaos the drug cartels cause and rebel groups and ... UGH!

Oh my, where did that little venting come from? Apparently I don't have enough coffee in my system yet. I always get a bit feisty when confronted with feelings of overwhelming stupid from external sources. Sigh. I can deal with my own stupid, or the stupid of my immediate family, but mass stupid gets me riled.

Yesterday was such a sad day. One of our coworkers lost his son who was serving in Afghanistan on October 8th. The body did not 'come home' until 17th, and then the whole week was full of media coverage and such. Finally, yesterday was the funeral. Poor Jim and Patti. Poor Drew, who gave his life. Just looking at the pictures of the funeral procession where the high school kids and middle school kids and towns people lined the streets from the Church to the grave site made me sob. I hope now that Drew is at rest that his family can get some much needed grieving time alone, without the hoopla of media and such. Such a sad loss. Rest in Peace, Captain Drew.

I suppose the best we can do in life is to gather our core values close to us like a hoop skirt avoiding a mud puddle and carry on... 

I am all healed up from my June face plant in the gravel at my son's graduation party, except for my right elbow that still won't fully extend. The chiropractor fixed my right knee/leg so that doesn't hurt anymore, and my nose (which I'm sure I broke when I hit) is OK if not a tad bigger on both sides - I mean, I can still breathe through it so that is good - but my elbow, that took such a direct hit it is having a harder time getting its poop in a group. I do my exercises to help it stretch more, and it doesn't hurt unless I do accidentally fully extend it by picking up something heavy. So I suppose I cannot complain. So I won't.  (Why do we use 'won't' instead of  'will'nt' for 'will not'?) ((Why am I suddenly questioning spelling of words I've used for nigh on 51 years?))

October 25, 2011 - I, the person who loves space related things, so totally missed the fact that a CME was going to blast Earth last night and cause kick butt auroras. Sigh. This angers me a bit, but then again, it makes me appreciate the fact we DO have a magnetic field around us to protect people like me from getting crispy and smelling of bacon. Still, seeing cool auroras would have been nice, but it will happen again...

The leaves that have not fallen yet and were holding on for dear life are turning such pretty colors. The smaller maples at work turned bright red over the weekend, making the hallways reflect red light and it's very cool to see. I have been enjoying the color changes. I do like this time of year. My cousin said we're going to have a big winter in these parts, too - so something else to look forward to.

Over the weekend I used my industrial strength wagon to haul limbs and branches and leaves and debris to the burn pile. I love that wagon. I also planted my daffodil bulbs and iris bulbs. Hopefully it's not too late for the bulbs and some of them survive the winter to bloom in the spring. My luck they will be eaten by deer and such, as that is normally what happens when I attempt bulb planting. I have planted them in strategic places all over the yard - one of them is BOUND to bloom come spring! When I was standing outside in the dark looking for meteors from the Orionids shower, a herd of deer ran between our house and the neighbors house. They scared me a bit, as I didn't hear them until they were directly within my view in the dark - I could see their shapes and hear some leaves rustle. I flinched and held my ears, too, since they were heading for the corn field across the road and cars were coming at the same time. Luckily the deer made it through before impact.

Apparently my testosterone levels have shot up to some degree of insane, as my facial hair has gone in to overdrive in the production department. Eyebrows, beard, mustache...ugh. I expect sideburns any day now. I could blame it on my genes and curse the combination of genetic material from my parents, but I prefer to blame it on my brain. If my brain would work on some issues I'm having at work as hard as it's working to force innocent hair follicles (who were perfectly happy minding their own business) to sprout forth - I'd be considered a damned genius. 

October 28, 2011 - Happy Friday! Viva a weekend for those of us not required to work. However, many of the people at my place HAVE to work. So not a weekend for them. The overtime, however, will be nice.

So, on Tuesday night I was munching away on my turkey meatloaf when I started crunching up a storm. "Man, did I leave an egg shell in this stuff?!" I said out loud. Then it dawned on me what the crunching was. I was the crunch of a broken tooth. I spit out my mouthful of meatloaf and felt around in my mouth. Sure enough, I had shattered what little tooth and mass filling was in my back molar on the bottom. Sigh. We all know how I adore going to the dentist. We all know I have such issues. My face was hot and flushed whilst I dug out the remainder of the shards of filling and tooth just THINKING about what was going to have to take place after that explosion...

I called my dentist on Wednesday morning as soon as they opened, but the doctor was not in that day. I had to wait until yesterday. My dentist is a doll, and everyone in the office treats me like a queen. I have no issues with THEM. I have issues with panic coming forth when I can't close my mouth or swallow when I want. They know this. They do the best they can to accommodate my issue. They coo to me and comfort me. I get heavily drugged up too, before I go in. It's all good. However, there really was no saving that tooth or refilling it. Due to the swelling in the roots and the pain I was having, he did pack it with a temporary medicated filling (which of course fell out four hours later...) They are sending me to an endodontic doctor for a root canal. I think I will write up a paper about how I panic and such and if they would be ever so kind to hit me with an elephant gun full of sedatives darts, I would be ever so grateful.

My dental visit panics stemmed from my first root canal ever so long ago. I didn't know what root canals entailed. They didn't explain it to me. They just started the process. At one point I must have jerked as I wanted to swallow and move my jaw. I got yelled at by the doctor. "Your dentist didn't tell me he was sending me a trouble patient! You can't move when I'm in there with this tiny drill! It could break off! You have to be perfectly still!!" he boomed at me. He told the helper to jack my mouth open, then proceed to leave and work on another patient for a half an hour or more. There I was in his chair unable to flex my jaw or swallow, really - and the panic started to flood me over. I barely lived through that experience. I am sure if I had a tendency to stroke - I would have had one that day. Ever since then when I am in the dentist chair, it takes all I have to control my fear. Odd, isn't it? Stupid uncaring dental surgeons.

I do believe that this is worse for me since I had issues with panic attacks in general for years anyway. My panic attacks would attack my throat and neck, and when I thought I couldn't swallow, well, boy howdy, it got worse. It took years of self healing but I have beaten them down and have been panic attack free for over ten years. I was proud of me for dealing with that issue. However, cells remember EVERYTHING and the whole "I'm in the dentist chair now hence I must completely lose my mind and freak out" has never been conquered by said Sandy. Ugh.

So, today I go forth and I will call my dentist back up and ask if he can repack my exploded tooth once more to prevent my tongue from shredding apart on the sharp parts, and I will get my poop in a group and call the Endodontic doctors and go forward.

October 31, 2011 - Happy Halloween. Boo!

I don't know about all of you, but when my kids were very small, the bathroom seemed to be a meeting place - whenever I had to 'go' it seemed I had a trail of kids demanding audience. They knew they had you at a disadvantage since you were sitting down and cornered in a way. Oh, sure - locking the door only worked to the point of not having a physical audience, but you still have the shouting through the door to contend with. Ah, little kids...

I bring this up only because now the dogs and the cat have taken up the need to follow us into the bathroom and demand attention or just camp out on the rug until we're done doing what we're doing. This makes me laugh. You can be sitting there, intent on your visit and suddenly there is a doggie face bursting through your AARP magazine to gain attention or a cat meowing in the bath tub demanding that you reach around whilst pooping and play with him. Ah, pets...

I ran in to my dentist on Friday and he took off the jagged edge of my tooth with a drill. A quick in and out. I once again expressed my angst about the root canal and he patted my shoulder and told me that the doctor he was sending me to had seen much more troubled patients than me. He said I would do just fine and I shouldn't worry. Easy for him to say. I took a free trial size tube of toothpaste to ease my stress and left to go back to work. Sigh. Really, WHY does this bother me so? I think I'd have less stress and worry if I were to be pushed out of a plane without a parachute, to be quite honest.

The kids came over for a home cooked meal on Sunday. It was fun to see them. It is always nice to have someone appreciate your cooking, and the wee one acted like he did in fact enjoy the meal. I had made homemade noodles and beef and green bean casserole for my daughter's visit. After dinner, we all dozed in our chairs. Hahaha. All of us! (The wee one went in on our bed, though - and slept there.) After our little naps, my oldest son drove my daughter home to Chicago, which is very kind of him. I kept telling him 'not to fall asleep while driving' (since I worry about this a lot because his Dad is notorious for doing so on long trips). He texted me later and said, "Made it. Not Dead or Asleep..."

I watched the Halloween episode of the Simpsons, laughed and laughed, then went to bed. Being this exciting could kill a person. Geez. Going to bed at 8:30 is getting more and more common for me. Old age is kickin' my butt. Hahahaha.

My husband covered up the air conditioner for the winter last week. On Saturday I heard someone 'knocking' I thought, but it turned out to be a downy woodpecker out on that cover! He was hammering away on it - just going to town. I looked at the bird feeder and saw it was empty. I laughed. They know how to get your attention if you are not feeding them on time, that's for sure. I went out and filled my bird feeders and didn't hear anymore bird vandalism all day. That little booger put a hole in that cover, the little turd head! He could have just knocked on the window...

November 1, 2011 - Today I am thankful for dental floss which not only can be used to rid you of that pesky chunk of roast beef wedged between your back molars, but can also be a great emergency cat toy for times your kitty is feeling restless...

November 2, 2011 - Today I am thankful for my inner "Spongebob" view on life...possibly some genetic default that causes a naive approach to living that spews forth from me at times and strikes me with awe and wonder at the world around me.

I have not scheduled my root canal. This will drag on for some time until I cannot stand the tooth that is dead or my face falls off from infection. I still have to call the place and talk with them and find out if they can sedate me to the point of not having a clue someone is in my mouth. Ugh. Humans are stupid sometimes. I am human, obviously... Whatever happened to those gnomes or elves that would slip in at night and make shoes for you and repair your teeth? You just don't see that anymore.

My wee one's car, the 'Scort (it's a 2000 Ford Escort) won't go out of park. It's been dying a slow death. For a $500 car, we've surely gotten our use out of her. My husband has made various repairs on her to keep it going. I think the wee one is lucky to have a Dad who can work on cars. However, now - the 'Scort is not moving at all. The wee one has to rely on the kindness of his brother and friends at college for transportation. I stressed that there IS PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION available. Buses do exist. He would just have to look it up on the internet. Sigh. So far he's not going that route.

My oldest son and I talked yesterday about options for the wee one. I was calculating how to pay for a used car payment from a local lot. The wee one needs wheels after all. My oldest said he could also do something to help out, and stated that he could run the wee one back and forth when he was not at work. Our first instinct as a herd is to protect the babies. Even his big brother would take a grenade for the wee one in a heart beat, but we had to think it through. Once I pondered it some more, I figured that since the wee one had NOT found a job yet and since the wee one tends to expect everything handed to him, that we were not going in to debt (more) to get him a car and his big brother was NOT going to bail him out once again.

I talked to my husband. We have a 1996 Ford Contour that my daughter used through high school and four years of college. It has been beaten and bruised and is mainly held together with duct tape and prayers, but it does work and my husband has been using it to go back and forth to work for a long time. He said he would take it in for a check up and to get whatever needed fixing fixed - and then the wee one could have that car (after we checked with my daughter who OK'd it, since it is, after all, technically 'her' car) and if anyone was going to have a newer vehicle financed, it would be Dad. We'd get him a nicer used car. We liked this plan, and announced it to the wee one...

He was not happy. He doesn't want his sister's car. He want's his 'Scort! He reminded us that his big brother said he'd buy something and could be paid back. I said, "Um, no. Your big brother shouldn't have to fork over money for you like that!!" I let him talk to his Dad, and Dad said we'd go up tonight and check it out. "It might be something simple to fix" my husband said. The following is a Facebook conversation on my wee one's page after this was discussed - enjoy.

Wee One status update:
“There is hope for the Scort!!”   
Big Brother's response:
“Did it come out of park?”
Wee One:
“nope lol not yet”
Me:
“He's just wishing - he doesn't want the ‘Tour…”
Wee One:
“no its the craptour”
Big Brother:
“He may not want it but he will get what we get him!”
Me:
“Yes, a form of transportation is good”
Big Sister:
“Whatever, it's not the craptour. It lasted me a good 6, 7 years! You just need to learn to take care of things!”
Wee One:
“yeah but you have a bond with that car. If i drove it it'd be like cheating on the scort! i can't do that to her!!!”
Big Sister:
“you can if you have no other way to get to school-- if the scort truly loves you, she will let you go and she will understand…”
Wee One:
No our love is too strong. You wouldn't understand you child…
Me:
“ lol - you guys go outside and play or fight...”
Wee One’s Girlfriend:
“There's too many good memories in the scort.”
Wee One’s Best Friend:
“Wink wink”

Yesterday at work, the network engineer got back from a mini-vacation in Florida and he brought me a present. I had walked in to my office and there on my desk was a drinking glass that looked like a Duff Beer can! (Duff Beer is the brand of beer from the Simpsons that Homer enjoys so much.) I wept with joy. I found Steve in the server room and asked him, "Did you bring me this!?" and he said in a shy voice, "Yeah..." He knows I adore that show and I grabbed him and practically knocked his glasses off! It made my day! I adore it! Considering that yesterday everything I touched fell to the ground or exploded or ran out or rolled over, we wrapped the glass back up in it's paper and at lunch I drove it home and put it in my pretty pretty cabinet. I shall not drink from this glass. It can be something the kids fight for after I'm gone.

November 3, 2011 - Today I am thankful for aging which brings on hot flashes which makes me EVER so appreciative of cooler weather.

After work last night, my husband and I went up to see if there was any hope for my wee one's car. The car was packed full of garbage which immediately made me so full of pride for the boy I gagged. Smile. Dad tore apart the shifter console and did some investigation, and found the issue. My son's car is now working and held together by two twisty ties we found in my oldest son's garage. Viva Technology! Hahahaha. I do believe the wee one was pleased.

Last night I had a grand adventure. Finally. Not that I'm going out looking for adventure and 'new' things, but when they happen, one must appreciate those events. I had stayed up late working on fliers for our food drive at work, when I remembered I had left stuff in my car. So at 10:30 I went out to my car to get it. Taffy, the Leukemia Cat, darted out the door and made a break for it. We've kept him in since his diagnosis because he can get infections and such so easily... I muttered to myself as I flopped behind him in my husbands huge slippers and calling "Kitty Damnit Kitty"...

Mind you, I thought I was just 'stepping out' for a second, so the big main door was wide open and only the screen door was closed. My dogs are very big and stupid and were convinced they were missing something spectacular. Apparently after jumping several times against said screen door, one of the pounces laded directly on the handle and I saw them burst forth from within the house. A slight blond streak was visible as they ran with gusto towards the neighbor's house. Sigh. "Damn Dogs Damnit..." I muttered. I went in to the house, got my keys, a flashlight, and got in my car. I turned on my hazard lights and brights and crept down the road hollering out the window, "DOGGIES! WANNA GO FOR A RIDE?" They always come to our cars, thinking they will be going on ride. I stopped between our house and the nearest neighbors and yelled. I stopped between them and the next house, and yelled. I went down one more house before it dawned on me that I would never find them in the dark. Sigh. I turned around and came back to my own drive way.

As I pulled into the driveway, I could see 'eyes' reflecting out back and approaching at high speeds. There they were, running with all their might towards my car. Kia attempted to JUMP THROUGH THE DRIVER'S SIDE WINDOW! Hahaha. I got out, opened the back door, and they jumped in for a 'ride' - and I gave the a ride twenty feet to the front door. They came in to the house willingly and got a treat for coming back. They were ever so excited and happy they got a jaunt in the yard. Good for them...

I closed the big main door and the screen after that and went looking for Taffy. Cats are not fooled by words. "Treat" and "Squirrel" and "Go for a ride" have no allure to cat. Cats could care less if you are flopping about in oversize slippers in your jammies calling their name. They have things to do. Places to go. The only thing that saved me was Taffy need to hose down a bush with his scent. During that piss process I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and hauled him back in to the house. Adventure Over.

I could not sleep until almost 2:30 a.m. then, after all that 'fun' and am extremely tired this morning. Coffee is tasting very good right now...

November 4, 2011 - Today I am thankful for my brain. The older I get, the more I appreciate what is left of it.

I got the most adorable email from one of my Aunt Trudy, who stated I needed to be a big girl and call the Endodontist. It made me smile and made my morning. You know they love you when they scold you like that! She is right, why am I putting this off? All I have to do is get my poop in a group for an hour or two, then it is DONE! My friend Kathy also recently had to go in for a root canal and she said the methods used NOW are much better than when I had my bad experience. I told my boss about having to have a root canal, and he said to me, "Do it next Wednesday!" I laughed at this too. "Um, I'll see what I can do..."

Today I have an eye exam. The last few days I've noticed my left eye has been viewing the world (like one of those old Elizabeth Taylor 'Diamonds' commercials) all fuzzy like. I am sure it's related to the cold I've been trying to keep at bay, but still - best at my age to have 'em check. I mentioned it to my husband on Tuesday night as I was pondering if it was a cataract, and he said, "They don't pop up over night, silly!" This made me feel better. Maybe I'm just due to launch my own line of perfume...

Yesterday morning when I went to work, I saw the end result of Kia trying to fly into then bounce off of my car from their escape attempt Wednesday night. Scratches all down my driver's side door. This did not anger me as cars get scratches. I just didn't know she had attempted the leap and dive with such gusto.

I ordered some wooden snowmen from a former coworker who does wood working. I wanted them because they reminded me of my Grandpa Austin, who was a genius when it came to wood work. Plus, I LOVE SNOWMEN. The arrived yesterday in the mail and are currently hanging out with my Thanksgiving decorations. The patterns in the wood are so beautiful. Sigh. I love wood. I love snowmen. Since today is 'Take your snowman to work' day (or it is NOW, because I said so) they are coming with me to be paraded about.

Since the kids have flown the coup my husband and I try to share the household chores. This works most of the time. I tend to have to encourage the man to leave his Lazy Boy Chair, however. The other night I was loading the dishwasher (which, by the way, I lived without for 49 years but would not be without one ever again) and mentioned to him he could "put away the laundry in the dryer." He snarled his lip like Elvis and said, "YOU do it!"

At this point, and I don't actually remember to be honest, he said I whipped my head around and gave him a look that would have killed the normal male and possible could have blown the siding off of all the houses to our North. "YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACE!" He laughed. He laughed quite hard. "THAT WAS THE MOST EVIL 'MOM' LOOK EVER!" He quickly added, however, that had indeed already put away the laundry. (Apparently "the look" may have made him laugh, but he wasn't taking any chances...)

I heard him muttering a bit later about while shaking his head, "Oh, my poor kids..." In my opinion, if someone got "the look" while they were growing up they must have deserved it and since they all survived I am assuming it wasn't THAT bad...

November 5, 2011 - Today I'm thankful for my vision, while I have it, to enjoy the beautiful clear night skies. Pretty lights and shiny things fascinate me.

I went to visit my Aunt Jean today. I like sitting around the table with them talking. I told them three times I had to leave soon, since we were going to tackle the leaf fall out in the yard. However, sitting their yakkin' with them seemed like a better idea than going home to do yard work. I did eventually come home and we got busy doing the yard. I tried to start productive leaf fires that would burn quickly and not stink of the neighborhood. I failed miserably. We smoked the block out quite badly. I need to do some baking and take it my neighbors to apologize for my stench.

November 6, 2011 - Today I am thankful for Q-Tips. Oh, sure, you're not supposed to put them too far into you ear but we all do it, and sometimes it feels so good...

Oh, yeah -  I went to the eye doctor to find out why I was seeing the world through "Elizabeth Taylor Vision." Turns out I have a cataract in my left eye. Fast growing, apparently. Go Me! Sigh. They were teasing me at work that with my exploding teeth and bad eye, I will become a blind, toothless hag sooner than they had figured. (Sounded like they had bets riding on this...) The doctor could not dilate my eyes as I wanted to go back and work Friday, so I go for that this week at night and will have my husband shuttle me back and forth. My Aunts and Uncle and friends who have had cataract surgery all assured me it's almost like driving up and getting a burger. In and Out. Bam. I have no idea what my eye doctor will suggest. It is not blocking my vision yet. I only notice an issue when light is at a certain angle.

Monday starts our food drive at work. I did one at the main plant last year and we did really well. This time all three plants are in on it. I got specific lists from the local food pantry since last year we donated enough Ramen Noodles to build them a new wing on the place. This year I requested that no one bring Ramen Noodles, PLEASE. It feels good to help people out a bit since most everyone I know have had to use, are using, or eventually will need such services. Mother Teresa said it best, "If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one." I try to do it as a contest to see which group brings in the most amount of items and the company will provide a pizza supper for the winner, but really, we're all doing it for the kindness part. The winning team last year donated their pizza (the money that would have been spent on that) back to the project. Very kind of them.

We went furniture shopping today with my oldest son. He got a nice couch and love seat for a very very good price. My husband and I also got a new couch. The one we have now tends to sink in and trap people who try to sit on it... It will be nice to have a decent couch for Thanksgiving.

November 7, 2011 - Today I am thankful for a sense of humor. I hope whatever tends to spew forth from me makes someone's day a bit brighter.

It struck me this weekend why, on occasion, the Earth's inhabitants get wiped out. Earth is like an Etch-A-Sketch. When the 'plan' goes terribly wrong and creatures/people get terribly stupid, God or thereabouts just starts over. Obviously the dinosaurs were petty, uncaring things. Obviously they were just too stupid to allow them to continue. I can see all the dinosaurs being just like 'Snooki' from whatever show that is and God just got fed up.

"If I hear one more stupid remark from those petty, uncaring beasts..."
"OMG Beckysaurus - Did you see the HORN she is wearing? I WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD IN PUBLIC WITH THAT HORN!"
"OK, that does it! I've had it - hand me that asteroid..." 
*B O O M*
"OK, now let's try this mammal thing. It has to go much better...."

However, people are stupid like dinosaurs. People also got so stupid and evil and petty that once again, things had to change. So God tells Noah, "Out of all these thieving, stupid, petty humans, I like your family the best, Noah. I think there is hope with your genetic line, and since I so totally do NOT want to start from scratch again, I have chosen you and yours to survive. So, and I know this is going to sound crazy so just trust Me on this one, OK? - But I want you to build this huge boat, see. I want you to shove as many pairs of critters on there as you can and take your family. People will laugh at you. Flip them off. The ones that don't laugh and seem like the 'get it' - well, shove the on the boat boat, too. Different blood lines may help matters...but I digress,  I'm floodin' this bad boy..."

It just seems like we're due to be wiped out soon, as the stupid is rampant world wide and I was thinking, when I had this epiphany, that NO ONE could be upset to see a giant wave or a huge asteroid inbound, because by all rights, we gots it comin' and all.

Friday at work I got to see a LOT of sandhill cranes catch updrafts and spiral in to the sky in preparation for migration. It was a very cool sight. You would swear the different groups were going to collide, but in reality there were many groups at different levels, all upbound. It was a noisy, spectacular sight. I am ever so happy that they did not poop while I was staring up at them, however.

November 8, 2011 - Today I am thankful for tweezers since I'm blessed with an excessive amount of facial hair.

There are mornings I so don't want to do my chores. You have to make the bed, tidy of the debris field in the kitchen, fold any clothes in the dryer, and so forth. I would love to leave it all, but in reality, I can't. I should be grateful that I can still sit, stand, bend and take care of things. There will come a time when I have to 'leave it all' for someone else to do. I will just continue doing as long as I can do. I think I used to tell my kids, "If it's on the floor and it shouldn't be, PICK IT UP!"

November 9, 2011 - Today I am thankful for having parents who were raised during the Depression. I think they passed on the ability to 'enjoy the little things' to all of us kids. It is a gift, really - to be fascinated by the small stuff. Even if I lived in a cardboard box under a viaduct, I could find something to be happy about.

Last night I went to get my eyes dilated to finish up the eye exam started last Friday. She was able to see now that Bob (which is what I named my cataract) is directly in the center of my pupil, not growing up from the side or the like. I have to go back for a Bob review in six months. For those of you who have never had your eyes dilated, it's NOTHING. They drop in stuff that stings for a second like getting shampoo in your eye, then you meander around for twenty minutes or so until your eyes look like this the cat from Shrek.

Then they look in to your eyes with a pretty light and you look here and there so they can see if there are gnomes in your brain or not, then you go home. I can see where doing this during the day would be a pain as you cannot see a computer screen afterward. I could, however, see the TV when I got home with a high def clarity I've never experienced before. I had my husband go along, which he resented a lot since it was past his official "bed time" - but I didn't know what to expect. Next time I won't need to haul someone along. For now, Bob the Cataract and I have an understanding...

November 10, 2011 -Today I am thankful for dear good friends, the type of friends who can tell you that there is a booger hanging out of your nose without making you feel bad about it...

November 11, 2011 - Today I am thankful for all the things there are to be thankful for - which are MANY.

It snowed for the first official time this Fall. I was happy, of course. My husband and I went after work to get our hairs cut. He left, and I had my hair colored and cut. Driving home after that was TERRIBLE. I am fifty one years old, and have driven in some nasty conditions in my life, but I've never been as snow blind as I was last night! The flakes were gigantic and there were many. The only time I could tell where I was on the road was when someone was coming in the opposite direction which back lit the snow so I could see. Another car was ever so kind to ride my buttocks all the way home. Maybe they were snugged up to me because they, too - were having issues with navigation. Sigh. I was happy to pull in to my driveway. On the way home my Brain had a panic attack and was protesting the whole event.
"You need to pull over, I can't see!!"
"Make it stop!!"
"Someone needs to turn this off, really!"
"Go the other way, it won't be as bad..." Ah, Brains...

The snow will all melt today, I'm sure, but it was pretty while it lasted. The dogs already have a mud path in my kitchen from running in and out the back door. I could really see the multitude of deer that hang out across the road this morning with the white back drop. The dogs were upset and paced and huffed and barked. The deer on the other hand - they don't give a crap - they know the dogs are in a fence. They mock the doggies.

November 12, 2011 - Today I am thankful for patience, which you tend to get a lot of when you have kids - which is good because you need a whole lot of patience when dealing with kids...

November 13, 2011 - Today I am thankful for fences. You can either hide behind them, sit on them, or break through them and run around like an idiot.

Yesterday our new couch came. It took my husband and I several tries to get the old one out of the house in the morning before the delivery truck came. Eventually, however, we did manage it. What came in at one point must somehow be able to go out, right? That was our thought process. It just took us a while to figure out the mathematics of it all. The new couch is the same size as the old couch, but this one seems so much bigger. Less 'bulge and fluff' and more couch, I suppose. It is not overstuffed like the old couch.

We took the old couch out to the burn pile and set it on fire. It was up in flames and burned out to the frame within minutes! Seriously, house fires must be the hottest and fastest burning fire in the world! Yikes. I couldn't believe how fast that old couch burned!! Then I came in and swept where I have not swept a lot since the old burning couch was moved in. Yikes. The collection of dust and spider webs were amazing. I probably could have won some kind of award for that collection. And we all know how that goes - once you sweep and make something all clean and spider web free - you have to do it to the whole room...

I was sad that I had to miss the Kalamazoo Parade. I have not missed that for a decade or so! I took some comfort in the fact there was going to be a 'live feed' but that was a horrid live feed!! Ugh. You couldn't see it or hear it worth dog do-doo. I was crossing my fingers that the local paper would post some video so I could see my wee one in the WMU Bronco Band, and they did, thank goodness!!

I feel ever so much better now that I got to see my kids! contented Sigh... Thank you Kalamazoo Gazette! Once a Band Mom - always a Band Mom.

November 14, 2011 - Today I am thankful for music. Music can rally the troops, calm the masses, induce tears or erase them, warm you, lift you or give grief an open window to express itself. Music is one of the finest gifts we were given as a species. Go forth, sing and dance and make a joyful noise.

Yesterday was my wee one's college marching band indoor concert. Ah, music. Sigh. Loud and proud. Very good. I was amazed at how they played with such gusto! Very good concert. Please note that in the this picture of the wee one that his trombone is not very shiny. That is how we found him on stage, mind you - the 'loner boner' he took from the High School is very old, rusty, and ancient. Its brass has long since given up to the external elements. He prefers this trombone to the shiny newer one he inherited from his sister. So when we were looking for him on stage (there were 280 or so kids up there to sort through) we found him by looking for the bell of the trombone that was actually sucking light from the room like a black hole. "The Loner Boner!"

Tonight is dinner "with the girls" - my herd of High School girlfriends who have remained friend for over 30+ years. I find comfort when I'm with them. All these separate lives yet we still have ties that bind. Awesome feeling.


November 15, 2011 - It occurs to me, let's say  - at 2:30 a.m. and the urge to 'go' wakes me up that I am EVER so THANKFUL for indoor plumbing! Ah, the little things we take for granted and shouldn't...

Today it is so foggy out I can't even see my neighbor's mercury light. That thing is always on and BRIGHT but not this morning. I can see the moon and some stars if I look directly up, but since I don't drive that way to work, it really doesn't bring much comfort to me. The local school has delayed start for two hours. Wise Choice. And I believe today is the first day of deer gun season? Ah, fog and frantic deers - lethal combo.

The food drive at work is picking up speed. So far we've collect over 600 items and we have five full days left to go. I think I will make my boss do a drop off soon to the Community Center so they can use what we've collected already to start Thanksgiving Food Baskets. Last year's food drive netted so much - I was amazed at the human capacity of giving. I was also amazed that "to make points" towards their goals, teams donated  enough packages of ramen noodles to build an entirely new wing to the Community Center with ramen bricks. I put in the rules this year that we did NOT need any Ramen noodles as I'm sure they are still using up what we donated last year. I had to laugh - when I was counting the donations yesterday morning I found one pack of ramen noodles in a bag at the bottom. It had to come from one of my friends who thought it would make me laugh and it did. One pack as opposed to 1000 is tolerable. Smile.

The dinner with the girls was fantastic. We had a hoot. We always do. I am ever so thankful for dear good friends. And all being the same age, someone always has a pair of reading glasses handy when I forget mine! I think the waitress was either new or very sorry she got our table, however. I would like to think she was just new. Her attitude will improve as she gets more seasoned, I'm sure.

November 16, 2011 - Today I am thankful for organizing the food drive at work as it always amazes me and restores my faith in mankind when I see such generosity.

November 17, 2011 - Today I am thankful for Facebook and other social media that has allowed me to connect with people from my past that had such an impact on my life. I wish there was a direct line to Heaven too, as I would like to thank many who have passed on to the other side.

November 18, 2011 - Today I am thankful for the inventors of industrial strength Pamprin since today my boobs itch, my lower back feels as if it encountered an angry donkey, and it feels like my uterus is falling out. Other than that, however, I feel fine mentally - it's my lower half that has decided to protest and 'Occupy Sandy'. I am also thankful for it being the Friday - the end of the capitalistic American week.

I have tried a lot this morning to see some Leonid meteors and have only managed to see one. It's the peak time for them this year, and I thought maybe I could see a few. I will take the one. You don't look a gift meteor in the mouth. It is 27 degrees here this morning with a wind chill of 17 degrees, so standing outside in my housecoat was not appropriate when stargazing. Burrrrrrrrr.

An anonymous donor gave me fifty dollars to go towards the food drive yesterday at work. Wow. Awesome. I am moved to tears by such acts. Deb and Leslie are going shopping at lunch today. All the shifts have taken up money for the last minute shopping sprees. The food drive always gets fun towards the end as each 'team' tries to out do each other. We will triple what we have already by Tuesday! (And we already have a truck load!!)

November 20, 2011 - Brenda at work asked me how much the recommended ratio of turkey to person was because she needed to get a turkey, and since I was mentally really 'not there' at the time and involved with an issue on the screen in front of me, I said (mindlessly, since I was so concentrated on what I was doing) that "I think it's like 3 lbs. per person..."  I was honestly shocked by that myself when my brain heard my response and you could see by our faces that Brenda and I were both then doing the math. For 20 people you'd need a 60 lb. turkey?? Brenda said, "Are you SURE?"  I looked at her and then looked it up on line. I started laughing quite hard. "It's 1 lbs per person, Brenda!" She also found this funny and I could hear her telling Judy down the hall about my mindless turkey math.

We put up our little string of Christmas lights so we are ready for the grand lighting on Thursday night. It's honestly just a string of colored lights. Nothing fancy. Every year I have to figure out how to use the timer again. I have saved that little scrap of paper for years, thank goodness, that tells me how to do it. Every year the print gets smaller to read, I swear.

Taffy the cat has been very loving as of late. He walks on the keyboard and wants to be RIGHT IN YOU FACE. Bless that ball of fur. He has finally resigned himself to the fact that he cannot go outside, I think. (Although if we left a door open for more than a second I'm sure he'd be GONE...) Every night he plays after the dogs go upstairs to sleep, and he pulls out every cat toy in the cat toy box. Every morning I go around picking up cat toys. I am happy, though, that he's having fun and entertaining himself.

November 21, 2011 - I received an email from the second shift supervisor at work that they had collected money and went shopping so their team had over 350 items up in the HR office for the food drive. Amazing. I will be a busy girl this morning. Bless 'em all. Seriously, I'm in awe.

Yesterday I sorted out my file cabinet and tossed a bunch of papers. I didn't want those papers falling in to the wrong hands and we all know how sneaky the KGB can be, so I burned them. Not such a wise move on my part as I burned them on our burn pile that also had leaves out there from the last collection and POOF - up it went in smoke. Duh. Now the neighborhood once again smells like my icky burning leaves. I am surprise the neighbors have not broken down the door with pitch forks yet...

November 28, 2011 - Our food drive at work netted 3,514 items between all three plants! We done good. We filled up the company pick up and two vans to haul it over to the local food pantry on Tuesday afternoon. Best food drive to date.

Having pets is a lot like having kids, really. Proof:  You buy a cat a toy and they end up playing with the box. Taffy the Cat has also become romantically involved with the fluffy blanket/throw I got for my birthday. We have to put it up to keep it out of his 'hump' radar. Sigh. For a cat that is supposed to be dying of feline leukemia, he's sure FULL OF PISS AND VINEGAR.

Thanksgiving was nice. We had my mother in law and sister in law over plus all the kids were home. I fixed a turkey, mashed taters, stuffing, and green bean casserole. (I had made desserts on Tuesday night. Wednesday night I made deviled eggs and then did my cleaning. Many spiders were evicted on Wednesday night.) All I had to do on Thursday was fondle my bird and shove it in the oven. It came out nice and juicy and everything timed out together perfectly. It was a nice dinner. No one fell asleep afterward - we gabbed and then the guests left and the kids had things to do, and it was just my husband and I. I took down the Thanksgiving decorations and put them away. Peaceful night all in all...

November 29, 2011 - My BFF called last night. I love talking to her since she makes me laugh with gusto. I remember many times over the years where we laughed uncontrollably over nothing, really. I suppose I could blame my hair trigger bladder on her since she has caused me to laugh so hard urine shot out (but I know it's due to fat and old age and shooting out kids and all, but I will blame her nonetheless...) She also makes me think - which is good. I can't count how many times she has made me stop and see 'the other' side of the coin as it were. She is a blessing to me. We all need a dear friend or two that can be brutally honest with you and not offend in the process. She is the yin to my yang, the gee to my haw, the peas to my carrots. Bless her for tolerating me all these years.

Friday after Thanksgiving my husband and I put up Christmas decorations in the house. No one usually helps me. It used to be that saying "Let's put up Christmas" had the same meaning as "Why don't you all do dishes" in my house, so I used to have to force the kids to help. However, this year, my husband actually took part. It went so smooth. An organized event to be sure. Flowed like butter. My snowmen collection now stare down at me from on top of the entertainment center and all is merry and bright. My prized snowman, the biggest Jim Shore snowman, is the king of the snowmen herd. When I get him out of the box, I cradle him like a baby and gently put him up on the shelf. He is a fair and just leader of the snowman community. Speaking of snow...

We are supposed to get up to six inches tonight of the white stuff. Rain all day "turning to snow to the South" in Michigan which includes me. Ah, winter has come. Bwahahahaha (evil snow laugh.) Everyone blames me for "this weather" and I've already gotten emails to the effect of "I hope you are HAPPY!!" and "did you order this crap?" No where on my resume does it state that I'm in any way able to bend,shape, or coerce the weather to do anything! Even highly trained meteorologist can't get the weather right, so how could I be responsible for this, I ask? I am innocent until proven snow bound...

Every thing is covered in sparkles since we put up the Christmas decorations. The cat, the dogs, us, the carpet - even though we sweep every day, there are sparkles. I like to think of it as fairy dust, personally...

Saturday the kids came back over for a rousing game of Uno. Uno in our house is always a hoot since normally I can't tell blue from green and one number from another. This always makes for grand humor for the kids. This time they were the blind ones. I do so enjoy family Uno time.

November 30, 2011 - Let it Snow! Well, it did and we got a few inches last night and the dogs are THRILLED. They act like two little kids outside, running around like idiots. This brings me joy. This morning they were eating the snow, too, in between acting like, well - idiots... It's the little things in life that make it worth living!

My daughter is jealous that Chicago did not get snow yet. I think since they always get hammered by the big Lake over there, that she should be patient and it will come soon enough. It is, technically, winter after all. Almost December! Cripes, where did this year go? I think tonight I will re-read my blogging for this year and see just where the year went. Obviously I misplaced it somewhere...

A present came via UPS yesterday in a giant box. Odd since the box inside the box was small. So now Taffy has a huge box to call a palace until we get sick of having it blocking up the living room. He seems to prefer the larger quarters as opposed to the smaller white box he was playing in earlier. Seems to fit his 'royal' side. The dogs can almost fit in to that box as well, so Taffy has spent a lot of time defending his castle.

My husband claims he saw a mouse in the laundry room last weekend. I am still convinced it was one of my socks that were up on the shelf, but he said he saw MOVEMENT! So I got some traps and put them out in the laundry room. Either the mouse in the laundry room is a wise old mouse who can avoid traps, or my socks don't go for that type of bait. We wait and we'll see. Taffy shows no agitation signs as he normally does when someone meanders in to his territory, so I am not sure it was a mouse at all.

I suppose that I will get ready for work now. Go forth - have a blessed day!

December 4, 2011 - Ah, December... Where the heck did you come from? Cripes. Every year seems to zoom by faster and faster. Maybe it's me...

It snowed last week, but the snow is melting. This morning we have lots of rain, so any little patches of snow will become slush and mud. The dogs won't even go out this morning to poop because of the rain, and I think to myself how domesticated they are. (OK, what I actually thought that they are so wimpy that a little rain stops them from going to the potty - they are fancy girly dogs - how did I end up such girlie descendants of wolves?)

I have been overcome with the joy of Christmas and I like the feeling. I look forward to the kids coming for Christmas Eve and spending the night. I look forward to the excitement and the special foods that come with the gathering and the humor of my kids and the fact all my chicks are in one location. I know I am blessed and never take that feeling for granted.

At work we were talking about something and someone in the group said, "I'd never do that!" The group I was with started laughing. Then we started recalling all the times we said "I would NEVER..." In my case, two of the moments are my most prominent:

1) In High School I announced to a group of friends that "I would NEVER bring children in to this horrible world!" (That was stated back when the world was not as 'horrid' as it is now and before I discovered sex and beer in mass quantities...)

2) In 1990 after our parent company burned to the ground and right before they moved in with us, I announced to every one at work with the passion of Scarlett O'Hara, "As God is my witness, I never used a computer to do my job and I'll be damned if I start now!" (This one still makes me laugh, since I am currently work in the IT department and deal with computers all day, every day.)

So, moral to the story - never say 'never' in life because that is a guarantee you WILL eventually do whatever you said you wouldn't do.

My sister and I are going to go clean for our Aunt Jean today. That is always fun. My Aunt and Uncle get quite grumpy since they are cooped up together alone most of the time - so seeing other people has to help a bit, or at least I hope it does. Plus it is always fun to clean other people's houses and not your own, for some reason. At least I have always found that to be the case.

Yesterday I dragged my husband out to see the local town's parade. We went out for breakfast first, then when we got to down we got hot chocolate and waited. I am a normal adult human until I hear the drums of the band, then I start my transformation to 'child' again - jumping up and down and such. I mauled the band director when he went by and danced to the band. Our hometown High School band ROCKS! I waved at the little kids in the parade and petted everyone's dog that came down the sidewalk. I love parades. My husband stood quietly by the side, letting me enjoy my moment (and denying to people standing near him that I was in anyway related to him). Then we stopped in to several local businesses and popped in to hug everyone at our favorite hair place.

After the local tour of duty, we went shopping. We went up to the Goodwill store to look for a winter coat for me. Nothing there. We decided we would stop at Meijer's and get the stuff my Aunt wanted today. The parking lot was SO FULL that we kept on driving and decided we'd come back later. We doubled back and stopped a hardware store to check out their Christmas paper and lights. I have not been able to find holographic Christmas paper to cut my snowflakes from for a long long time. My friend Jim brought me silver foil paper and that was nice! However, there is NO holographic paper out there at all! Ugh. We ended up at a little grocery store to get what my Aunt wanted but they didn't carry it, so off we went to home. We waited until after supper to go back up to the big store again and get what I wanted. I got my Aunt a little snowman for her table too, since I love snowmen and EVERYONE WILL LOVE WHAT I LOVE, I COMMAND IT!!  We got the dogs new toys and Taffy a new toy, and had fun watching the doggies rip their toys apart with gusto. Taffy didn't play with his new toy until we were in bed. Then his fun began - loudly. Saturday was a fun day.

December 6, 2011 - My son emailed me last night - he found some holographic paper at a store up by where he lives. He emailed me a picture and asked if that was what I was looking for all this time. He got two rolls for me!  YAY! How nice is that? Yes, this is my holographic snowflake paper! I CAN'T WAIT TO START CUTTING!! Kids - they always surprise you when you least expect it. I love cutting out snowflakes while watching "It's a Wonderful Life." Those two things go hand in hand in my mind. Jimmy Stewart would be proud.

This weekend when we were out looking at Christmas lights, we saw the coolest snowflake ever. It was huge. It was set up to blink in different colors at different times. We were fascinated. Then as we drove further my husband saw another one and screamed, "Stop!!" So I stopped. There was another of these huge snowflakes on a house, set to change colors in a different way than the first one we saw. We sat in the car staring at it. "We must have that flake!" I said. "We could come back later and steal it..." my husband said. (He was, of course, joking!!) I was telling my friend Kathy about the coolest snowflake ever. She lives in New York. She sent me a photo of their Christmas lights asking if I meant something like what they had. THERE WAS THAT SNOWFLAKE! Thanks to her and her husband, I got the official name of the goober and was able to search it down at Home Depot. I, too, will possess "the precious" in a day or so! I love snowflakes, snowmen, and snow in general. You may have surmised that about me by now... Flaky things appeal to me.

I have been wound up like a top for a couple of weeks now. I feel like I'm five years old and all excited for Christmas. I'm not sure why. The 'crash' after this will no doubt be phenomenal, but while I'm all happy like this, I am enjoying it. I have an urge to run around like Pee Wee Herman on the Playhouse screaming today. Maybe I will do that. I often do anyway...

December 8, 2011 - It's been very cold - Christmas Season cold - but no snow. Sigh This disappoints me a bit, but I had better watch what I 'wish for' - my luck eventually we will be snowbound by a blizzard and end up eating the dogs to survive... When I came home from work last night I turned up the heat a bit. Me - turning up the heat. Who would have thought...

I can't wait to get to cuttin' on my snowflakes. I find that type of project so relaxing. It is like crocheting to me which I always found VERY relaxing, but now my crap-al tunnel hands mostly prevent that. At least with snowflakes, you are just dealing with scissors and paper. The receptionist at work saved my snowflakes I made her last year and put them up again. Very pretty. I am amazed at what a few snips into paper can create.

My massive spaz pre-Christmas mental high is coming down to a more manageable level. I was worried I would just crash and burn, but I'm slowly coming down to a level that doesn't hurt my brain so much without the crash/burn effect. I love how the brain can race around on it's own and think of stuff without consulting you and just make things 'happy' - kudos to brains. However, they are sneaky fellows and on occasion the controller walks away from the control panel and all havoc breaks out. Like this morning...

I just got out of bed this morning and made it to the bathroom (which at my age is the first stop you make whenever you wake up, breathe, cough, sneeze, bend over, stand up, turn your head to the left or right, wave, or laugh...well you get the idea) and then I launched on my morning mission to feed the critters. I got the cat food OK and then started to prep the dog's food dishes. My husband was peeling an orange while I was doing this. I piped up and said, "My, that lemon smells divine!" He just laughed, thinking I was being funny, but that is the word my brain found in response to the smell. Ugh. Dementia starts so early nowadays. I was looking at the orange, I know the word orange, and it did indeed smell like an orange, but my brain delivered 'lemon' for me to state out loud. After that mental faux pas I got very confused over the dog food preparation and started going in circles. I stopped myself. I explained to myself that we ALL misname things from time to time. And after all a lemon is in the class with oranges, most likely a distant cousin of sorts or at least a good family friend, so in reality I was NOT that far off, so calm the heck down and feed the dogs...

After getting my huge new snowflake for the house, of course I find it for much cheaper on line from the Meijer store on line! Cripes. You can get it for almost half of what I paid. I was a bit agitated as Meijer's did NOT have that flake on line when I was searching this weekend!!! Oh well, damage done and I adore that huge flake. I have gone out and stared at it every night since we got it. The dogs were barking in the middle of the night last night and the first thought I had was, "Someone is stealing my FLAKE!!" No one was stealing the flake, but the dogs were being flakes, so I let them out to pee and decided that would be a good idea for myself, as well.

December 9, 2011 - Snowing? Yes. Finally. We are getting Lake Michigan lake effect snow. Kudos to the big lake! The dogs love it and are outside prancing. We are supposed to (maybe) get up to (possibly) two inches of the white stuff. Beggars are not choosers - I will take what the lake dumps on us.

Wednesday when I got home from work, I turned up the heat in the house since I was so cold. I am never 'cold' - usually I am borderline Chernobyl meltdown hot all the time - so for me to want to turn up the heat should have been a 'sign unto me.' Thursday morning my nose felt like gnomes had packed it with cotton and my eyes wouldn't stop watering and my face was swollen and my upper teeth were pounding to the beat of my heart. After I blogged, I heated up a wet wash rag and put it on my face - and repeated this several times. It seemed to help relieve the pain and off to work I went...

At work, however, the pain returned two fold and I could barely see. "Sinus Infection!" I told myself as water dripped off my face from my suffering eyes. This could have been brewing for some time, who knows - but it felt like someone had just stepped out from behind my door and swung a large bat into my head for fun. It was the pulsing teeth factor that bothered me the most...and the throbbing headache that made me want to barf... I drank a lot of de-caf hot tea all day since it made my teeth feel better. I peed a lot, as well. Tea in - Tea out.

So I called the doctor's office and begged for a visit to a professional. You know when you feel certain ways JUST what it is and how it should be treated, since you've lived with yourself for so long. I got in to see the 'new' doctor on staff. She was very nice. She checked everything out and said my lungs sounded good, my ears drums were slightly puffy, and my nose was congested. She tapped on my face and made me say OUCH a lot. She said that it could be viral, and we could wait for it to run it's course - but apparently my eyes shot wide open as she decided to treat it with antibiotics. I knew I needed antibiotics -  I could feel it in the pulse of my upper teeth! She sent over a prescription to my local pharmacy and I went merrily on my way to pick retrieve it.

After picking up my prescription, I came home and swallowed one of the horse pills along with two aspirin, then plugged in the heating pad and placed it on my face. After that I put it on the back of my head for a while. Eventually the need to barf left and the pain eased. I was able to move about again. Blessed is the heating pad.

This morning there were no tom-toms being played in my face and snot moving on it's own and not being hoarded by my nose. My eyes are still watering as if someone left a garden hose on in the back yard, but knock on wood - other than that I feel much better. All of my lymph nodes in my upper body 'hurt' but that is a good sign - whatever I have is on the move. Eventually it's going to run in to those antibiotic army troops stationed all over and be destroyed. Victory shall be mine!

Today I take my car in since the belt or something inside the engine sounds like a mouse on steroids. It has been driving me CRAZY - all the squeaking. It started right after I took her in for her 60,000 mile check up and got some things flushed and changed. I called the garage right up and said, "Now she squeaks" and the manager said, "Sometimes older cars squeak and V6 cars, especially - just keep an eye on her." The squeaking has increased so in she goes. My husband said it sounds like the idler arm but whatever that is I have no clue. I just want that mouse put out of it's misery. The garage manager still insists it was nothing they did last time she was in, and I told him that it didn't start until it was in last time, so whadya gonna do?

I'm off to conquer my corner of earth - viva breathing (through your own nose!)

December 11, 2011 - It was a wonderful weekend all in all. Friday night we went to dinner before going to the store. The place where we ate is technically a bar, but it has delicious beef products, so we went. It was packed with older people. My husband leaned over and whispered, "We must be the youngest pair in here by at least FIVE YEARS!" My daughter called while we were there. I rarely get phone calls on my work cell phone unless it is, well - people from work. She wanted to know if any more packages came to our house that we could send along with her boyfriend before he left to go to Chicago. I told her "No." It was quite noisy in that place, and she asked if we were out to dinner, and I said, "Yes." Mind you, I love her dearly, but there was a huge juicy hamburger in front of me - calling my name. She finally said she would let me get back to dinner and we hung up. My husband said, "Well, that was short and sweet..." in a stern voice. I wasn't trying to be mean, really.

Saturday was Christmas at my husband's Mom's house. I always love getting together with his siblings. They are a hoot. My wee one was the only child available to come but he called just as I was getting in to the shower. "My car won't start, can you come get me?" he asked. "We will have to come up to get you after the get together" I said in a very matter of fact voice, then handed the phone to his Dad. If it was a car issue, better talk to the expert, not me. When I handed the phone to my husband, he said, "That was harsh!" Yes, it dawned on me, it was 'harsh' for me and so out of 'Mommy' character.My thought was that it was almost time to go to the get together and we'd be very late if we ran up to get my wee one. I didn't have the normal good Mom instinct to run to his rescue for some reason. I just knew I wanted to get ready by taking a nice leisurely shower. I wanted to shave things in need of shaving and take my time... I heard my husband tell him WE WOULD come and get him, then I heard him call his Mom to tell her why we would be late... (I could hear his conversations because, of course, any couple or any human on earth that has no other humans in the house besides themselves close the bathroom door. I have to watch this very closely when the kids ARE here, since I tend to just walk in now and plop on the toilet with the door wide open.)

On the way up to pick up the wee one and see what was wrong with his car, my husband asked what my problem was. He was not being cruel - just curious why suddenly I was not super Mom willing to fly through fire to rescue a child. "I have no idea what is wrong!" I whined. "Maybe my Mom gene is broken?"

My husband jumped the wee one's car and we made him drive to our house as we followed. His Dad wanted to change the oil and clean up the battery connections after the Christmas gathering. Once back at our house he jumped out of his car and jumped in to our car. I apologized to him for being short with him. "Yeah, what was up with that? All I wanted was meatballs.." he said. (My mother in law had made a big batch for the party.) I pondered this "issue" for the whole time I was at the gathering. Why was my 'Mom' gene on the fritz? Why was I, "Super Mom To the Rescue" suddenly having visions of robins drop kicking their kids out of the nest and then flying to Florida?

After we got back to the house, the boys went outside to work on the wee one's car and then my oldest came over after work. The wee one proceeded to tell his older brother about my "dissing" when he called earlier. My oldest asked if "my filters" were broken. This made me laugh.  I looked up at the boys and it hit me, finally. "Now, boys - I'm 51 - this is bound to happen from time to time. I am, no doubt, entering my pre-menopausal stage in life so things are bound to fly out of my mouth I cannot control. I know, I know - things have always flown out of my mouth but it will get worse. (i do belive I heard a mumble of "How can it get WORSE?") You know, years ago before hormones and such, they put women in institutions because they didn't know what was happening to them, but now we know what is happening and all I can say is brace yourselves - it's going to be a bumpy ride..."

After figuring out what might be the issues and telling the boys - I felt much better. That has to be what is wrong with me!! I sighed and went back to cutting my snowflakes. I cut flakes all evening. It was very relaxing. (I apologize here in full public view to my daughter - I'm sorry I sounded like I was more worried about a chunk of meat than talking to you. HUG. Please be patient with me. This too shall pass like so much fiber through our bowels...)

Oh, and after whining about NO HOLOGRAPHIC PAPER ANYWHERE IN THE WHOLE WORLD prior to my oldest finding me some, today while at the store we found bunches of rolls (at Meijers.) I bought two more rolls. I shall not want for holographic wrapping paper again! Smile...

December 12, 2011 - The antibiotics I'm on seem to have helped my face/sinus area a ton. The snot if flowing. i am glad I went to the doctor instead of waiting until I was strapped to a gurney and en route to emergency. 

It is supposed to warm up to the 50s later this week before a cold front moves in! COME ON, IT'S DECEMBER IN MICHIGAN! Sigh. I will be patient however, and wait for snow like a good girl. I can always cover up my good eye and look at the world through my cataract eye to get the illusion of snow with my Elizabeth Taylor vision, so I will quit complaining.

December 13, 2011 - Feedback from friends made me feel better about the whole "dissin' my kids" events of the past weekend. As one astute reader pointed out, "The only time you hear from the wee one is when he needs something, no wonder you reacted that way. If he called now and then just to chit chat once in a while to let you know how he was and such, it would have been different..." I felt much better after the feedback. I am not broken.

I moved the pole with two bird feeders into the dog pen, since the deer tend to knock those things off of the pole in search of food. In a moment of intelligence (I thought) I moved it in to a fenced area. Ta Dah - deer problem solved! However, I did not anticipate Jake the dog who is obviously related to deer in the sense that anything that falls out of those feeders is fair game for eating. The sparrows get on the feeders and fling bird food EVERYWHERE. Jake feels that since it is on the ground, he has every right to clean all of the excess up in the only way a dog can. Scooping up the dog poop pen yesterday morning was a treat. Obviously Jake does not chew well, but he does make a nice polka dotted poop paper weight, if I may say so myslef.

December 15, 2011 - It is 55 degrees out. In Michigan. The thunderstorms have moved off to the East. I have decided that as long as it's dark and gloomy in a "maybe it COULD snow" type way that I'm happy.

I got myself a new bra a week or so ago. New Bras try to put your breast back in a location they have not inhabited since you were twenty years old, so the first day in a new bra is horrid as all of us girls know. After the first few days, however, it starts to adapt to your body although in my case I'm pretty sure my body finally beats the new thing into submission... Now I actually look forward to putting on this bra in the morning. (Although it only takes me 2.7 seconds to get it off at night once I walk through the door after work...) The 'girls' are up and happy during the day and all is merry and bright in bra land. I don't miss the girls dragging on the floor at work at all!

My husband and I went for 'Terri Time' last night. (Terri is our hair cutter girl who treats us like kings and queens.) Terri Time is always Terrific. I do so enjoy when someone plays with my hair. I must admit I miss the wee one brushing my hair. He hated doing it, but I could usually get him to do it from time to time if he owed me something or in a "bribe" sort of way. He hated the brushing part (too much work) so he would just grab my hair and twist it around into a bun. That felt ever so wonderful. I remember trying to get each kid to brush my hair. I'm a hair ho...

I have my Christmas cards hanging all over. I love Christmas cards! I hope the post office does not go bankrupt for I would miss, above all things, getting Christmas cards to hang around the house.

December 16, 2011 - This is more like it - it's windy and the wind chill is 23 degrees and it's only supposed to get up to around 34 degrees today. Maybe tonight they say (they being the weather people and no offense to them, really, but no one can predict the weather when you get right down to it...) we will have flurries. I would like flurries. They (weather people) say we will have a green Christmas too, so this is one time I hope they are WRONG and the weather proves them such.

I have been feeling much better since my sinus issue last week, but all morning long all I've been doing is coughing up goo in mass quantities and my nose had been sending out buckets of the stuff cascading downwards. SNOT EVERYWHERE. I've been sneezing like mad and have gone through LOTS of Kleenex. The dogs have even become concerned and are sitting here staring at me. (Either they are concerned or they are waiting for me to keel over and die so they can consume my innards for fun...) Seriously, I can't remember a time I've produced so much snot in such a short amount of time. I believe this is a world's record. What amazes me more than anything is that there was ROOM for all of this stuff in my lungs and sinus cavities. Really? Where has this all been hiding out and if I weigh myself now will I be lighter? I had to grab a towel because I was sneezing so much and with such gusto and we all know I have a hair trigger bladder... I have always been in awe of the human brain and body configuration and this is just one more thing that amazes me. Body doesn't like something that has invaded various areas, body finds a way for it to get the heck outta Dodge... Ack.

December 20, 2011 - I fear Santa got my order wrong and is dumping snow on the wrong part of the country. Sigh. It is ME who wants snow! ME! Me, I tell you! Oh well, we've had green Christmas times before and we survived. When you get right down to it, snow is a state of mind, anyway...

Physical inventory is done at work. Yay. At least it's done for six months until it is done again. I am happy it is over. I've seen worse inventories. This one was mild compared to some.

I was a brave girl and called the dentist yesterday. I know, right? ME - willing call my dentist? It is a Christmas miracle. It had to do with Christmas and food, you see - hence the phone call. Since I've been not chewing on the left side where there is that tooth is in waiting for a root canal, I have been chewing on my right side, and my upper back molar over there has gone on strike. The filling is held together with tiny pins and duct tape anyway, so all that extra chewing has made it scream at the top of it's lungs, "Captain, I can't give ya any more chew!!" I know that was is in dire need of a crown, so I called and begged the dentist office to get me in before Christmas so I could eat Christmas food. "One side HAS to work for the goodies!" So they will get me in on Thursday to build it up for the crown eventually and hopefully figure out why it hurts so much. I know why it hurts so much. All my molars are a disaster. My kids were lucky to get those coatings on their teeth to prevent such deep cavities in their youth, but I did not go to a dentist until I was twelve and by then the damage was done. If I had it to do over again, I would have been good to my teeth as a child... We'll see how this goes - I only have one 'spaz' pill left in my little magic bottle that combats my terror in the chair. I'll be flying solo on this one.

I am excited to see my kiddies for Christmas. I did not go over board on presents this year. I kept it to a low rumble. My daughter should be home in time on Friday night to make cookies and I look forward to that. I believe her statement was, "Mom, can we get our drink and cookies on if I get home in time on Friday?!" Hahahaha. We will play Christmas tunes as we bake. I made cookies for the neighbors last weekend and took them over. How can you thank your neighbors for being such good neighbors? If you have good neighbors, never take them for granted!

I am having a hot flash as I type. I am getting pretty good at them as of late. Having a hot flash is almost a fine art. The trick is not to faint or drip on your boss' desk or drip on your coworkers shoes. That is key... At home however, you can drip all over everything and it's OK.

December 22, 2011 - Ah, last day of work before break for Christmas! Yay! Plus, today is the day I put on my big girl panties and go to the dentist and get my bad upper right molar fixed up for a crown. I have been putting this one off for years. Now is the time. I can do it. Please pray the tech and dentist keep all their fingers for Christmas...

I have tried to figure out just WHY I have issues with the dentist, and all roads lead back to the one horrid visit to the specialist years ago that did my root canal. I never NEVER had issues prior to that. So I have to convince the cells in my mouth and mind that it was an isolated incident. Just because one guys was a evil doctor does not mean it is like that everywhere. Cells in your body remember stuff. (Scientific fact...) So somewhere I have a cell or two that has influence over the others and when they panic, the whole herd of cells stampedes. I must mentally talk to these cells today while the dentist is building this tooth up (or ripping it down - whatever the case may be) to fix it up for a crown. The dentist said he wouldn't patch that one up anymore, that the next time it needed help it HAD to be a crown, so I have no choice now do I? Plus that heathen tooth has a gap between it and it's neighbor a mile wide and every piece of food in the entire universe packs itself in there and packs itself in there HARD. I have been known to whip out dental floss in a public place because the pressure from the packed in food bugs me so much. I have to remember that once this is crowned there won't be that mile wide gap and the packing of particles will be OVER. I will look forward to that since having dental floss hanging out of your mouth as you are checking out of a store or talking to people at work just isn't good protocol. (I believe one of my coworkers saw this once and asked, "Did you just eat a tampon or something?")

My boys are heading over to stay with their sister tonight then bring her and my grandcat home tomorrow. Then Friday night is cookie time with my daughter. The boys can stick around if they want and eat the "errors" that we may make during the cookie making procedure.

The weather man said, and I quote, "we'll have a green Christmas..." As long as it's dark and gloomy I will be happy. If it is all sunny and people are riding their bikes past the house in shorts, then I will be upset. (It was like that when my oldest was one year old - on Christmas people were out in shorts since it was 65 degrees on Christmas Day!) They may get some snow in the upper part of Michigan today, which is nice for people in the upper part, but us in the lower part would appreciate a loan of flurries, please!

December 28, 2011 - Where to begin? So much has happened in the last week...

First of all, I did very well during my dentist appointment last Thursday. I was a big girl! The dentist decided just to fill the bad area of the tooth in the upper back instead of prepping it for a crown. Still, it took a while. I was a very good patient. I took a small stuffed bear with me to squeeze in case, but didn't need to choke him at all. The Christmas music on the intercom system was very peaceful and I had been mentally preparing for the appointment for a while. I had been chanting BIG GIRL PANTIES BIG GIRL PANTIES for hours. I also had a picture at work of a bunch of snowmen in a group, and I would look at them and pretend that they were the cells that remember the bad experience from years ago, and I would mentally lecture said cells about the fact that it WAS so long ago and it's not like that now, so chill out. That tooth still hurts after the patching, however, so I am not sure if it was from the trauma of the shot or the fact it really really needs a crown. I personally think it needs a root canal as much as the bottom left one...speaking of which - this week I will finally call and schedule my root canal with the root canal doctor, too. I can do it! The kids were very supportive, especially the wee one who texted me several times - "You've got this!"

Friday was cookie day with my daughter, but she also had to go see her boyfriend's band play that night, which would cut in to cookie time. I made the dough ahead of time and stuck it in the fridge in anticipation of her arrival. Then I cleaned. Then I found out the kids were coming in later than I had hoped, so I went ahead and made the peppermint cookies. When the kids got here we made the peanut butter blossoms and the chocolate chip cookies with a Reese's cup inside. Then the kids left and I cleaned up.

Saturday the kids came over with my grand cat Rocko to stay for a day or two. The boys moved all their video gaming equipment upstairs. Cripes. TONS of stuff. My daughter and I finished the treat baking fest by doing our dipped pretzel rods. I think that process is my favorite with her. We always have so much fun dipping rods. I would do a little every now and then in anticipation of the Christmas Eve get together with my sister and some of her kids throughout the day. Then we watched Matchbox Twenty's concert (loudly) and then Train's concert (loudly). I drank beer. It was a hoot. Then my sister and two of her daughters and their boyfriends came over and our little living room was jam packed but it was also very fun. I enjoyed it a ton. Lots of laughter and food and more laughter. After my sister left we played one of my daughter's games and that was a hoot. I forget what it was called..."Things" maybe? Once we were done playing that and everything was cleaned up, the kids squirreled away upstairs to play games and my husband and I went to bed.

Early Christmas morning on one of my "cripes, I gots to pee" runs,  found my oldest son sleeping (sitting up, mind you) on the couch. I covered him with a blanket and tried to prop a pillow up behind his head. My youngest was in a lazy boy... It was cute. Later when I got up for the day, I tried to pet my grand cat and he hissed and batted at me. I sent my husband out to try to pet him and the cat hissed and batted at him, too. Rocko was not happy. When my oldest woke up, I sent him out to try to reason with Rocko, but he, too, was batted and hissed at. I made coffee and we were all awake when my daughter came downstairs. She went to get some juice. (Remember, my daughter is NOT a morning person and apparently Rocko isn't, either...) She swings open the fridge and announces, "All you guys have is OLD PEOPLE JUICE!!" This made us laugh. If there was just prune juice in the fridge, I would have agreed with her, but there was just some cranberry-pomegranate juice. I don't consider that 'old people juice' frankly. Hahahahaha. I told my daughter that no matter what happened the whole time she was home...World War III could start, a plane could crash out back, a comet could destroy the Earth, but THIS would be what we remember most. "Old People Juice!"

After presents were opened, the kids either slept or played video games and my husband dozed in his chair, and I start getting stuff ready for Christmas dinner. We had ham, smashed potatoes, and green bean casserole with gravy and rolls and a caramel apple salad. Grandma came over for dinner. It was fun. The kids stayed over again Christmas night.

Monday my wee one had to leave early since he had marching band practice. (WMU was going to the Little Caesar's Bowl game at Ford Field in Detroit on Tuesday and the marching band was going with them.) Once he left the oldest two packed up and headed out early afternoon. It was quiet again our little house. I made my husband go with me to return bottles that had been piling up for something to do.

Back to work on Tuesday, but that was OK. Being home too long will drive you nuts. We watched the Purdue/WMU game last night and got to see the wee one and friends several times. There was one camera that would pan the band and that camera was dead on the trombones. The team, however, did not do very well...there were MANY TIMES that their Christmas Spirit showed through as they were SO GENEROUS in giving the ball to Purdue over and over and over and .... Sigh.

I suppose I will go get a drink of Old People Juice and get ready for work now. Viva breathing. I can't believe the end of 2011 is nigh! Cripes. When you get to the age of 50+ life's roller coaster starts the down hill run at supersonic speeds....

Side note - I am thrilled about my gift from my oldest. He must have purchased 20 books of the 'Discworld' Series that I did not have. (Terry Pratchett books.) I organized them in the order they were written and filled my book case. I cannot wait to have my eyes fall out reading them! I am also happy with my Dutch Ovens (I got two in different sizes) from my husband. I made bean soup last night in the big one. Had to stay up until ten p.m. to do it, mind you (sleeping in between stir sessions...) So I can come home tonight to a pre-made meal! My daughter got me the prettiest Christmas Bell ornament from Germantown or the like, very fine porcelain with a winter scene, and a cool wood candle holder with a glass window in it to show the light. Since it's wood I will not burn a real candle in it, although the box says you can. I think it's lovely and I will use one of those battery lights in the goober next year. I love wood stuff...I will group that in with my snowmen!

December 29, 2011 - I stayed up late Tuesday night making bean soup from the ham bone left from Christmas dinner. Yesterday from work I texted all three kids to announce that there was plenty of bean soup if they wanted to come to dinner. The funny part of this - when you text the kids ANYTHING they will respond with at least a "woot" or smiley face. Not a text was returned about the bean soup offer - you could hear the silence in the airwaves and crickets chirping in the distance. Hahahaha. (If you can't text somethin' nice, don't text nothin' at all...)

I took down the Christmas decorations last night. Got a bug up me bum to do it, so I did. Taking the stuff down seems to take forever! (Putting it up, I recall, went very smooth and fast...) My daughter and her boyfriend stopped in last night so I put them to work on helping with the tree stripping. After they left and all the pretties were hauled back upstairs, I swept up the mass amount of glitter that seems to be a residual side effect of Christmas. Now my tiny little living room is back to its tiny little self and we can start the New Year relatively glitter free...

We are supposed to get some lake effect snow soon. Not much yet, but they predict the next few months we will get our allotment of snow and then some. We shall see. Being in Michigan, after all, one has to expect that. The dogs are flopped about the living room and snoring right now and the cat is curled up in my chair. The urge to snuggle with them in bed today and NOT go to work is very strong. Sigh. I will be a good girl, though - and go to work, but my heart will be with warm doggies who snore and drool a lot...